The "awesomely bad" fanfics thread

Old Nuit · Sep 22, 2005

He probably meant composure, because Harry doesn't own a composer(at least in canon).

realmess · Sep 22, 2005

or compost;
or co-poster [ a poster showing the venerable author and Harry];
looks like lack of coffeine kicks in :evil:

Rahkesh Asmodaeus · Sep 22, 2005

Yes, idiotic mistakes like those are what make up an "awesomely bad" fanfic. Most of it at least.

Dark Syaoran · Sep 22, 2005

On the papers the Goblins have it would have Black Manor but it wouldnt have an address for it because of the charm. The Goblins would know there is a manor but not where it is.

Edit:Fixed it for Dark since he can't find the edit button you newbie! -Mid

Antivash · Sep 22, 2005

The Bigining to a great love

where to begin where to begin oh where to begin....

firstly... the title already has a mispelled word... thast a MARVELOUS sign of .. utter crap...

Disclaimer- I don’t on Harry Potter even tho I wish I did. I do own the plot.

Harry Potter sat on the roof starring up at the sky. He was slowly getting over his godfathers death. At the beginning of the summer he started talking to Tonks, and soon found himself confiding in her. Every time Tonks had a shift to watch him she came out from under the invisibility cloak to talk.

As he sat thinking he didn’t even realize someone lift themselfs onto the roof until a small familiar voice whispered ”Penny for your thoughts,”

Glancing over he saw Tonks. She as wearing a tight black spaghetti strap with low faded hip huggers and black converse. Not wanting to tell her he was thinking about her he said “Wandering hen I can get out of here.”

“I have a idea!”“I am taking you close shopping in tow days!”“see you then!” “Bye!”

A/n i know this is really short but my next chapters are going to be a lot longer this is just interdicting th background information
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this is the entire first chapter.. eveything.... wow what a lot...

and just to point out ... this is the only accurate point in the crap...

Concise Oxford English Dictionary Eleventh Edition said:

Interdict

n noun
1 Law, chiefly Scottish a court order forbidding an act.
2 (in the Roman Catholic Church) a sentence debarring a person or place from ecclesiastical functions and privileges.
n verb chiefly North American
1 prohibit or forbid.
2 intercept (a prohibited commodity).
3 Military impede (an enemy force), especially by bombing lines of communication or supply.
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thats right... she/he is forbiding background information

Dark Syaoran · Sep 22, 2005

Cant even spell the title, lol. My god, how'd yo even get the nerve to click on it.

Antivash · Sep 22, 2005

im a glutton for punishment i suppose .... and its harry/tonks... i try to gie them the benifit of the doubt ... but thats getting harder and harder as it becomes infested with h/g shippers abadoning ship... though hopefully theyll go back to polluting their own ship again

Rahkesh Asmodaeus · Sep 22, 2005

Must people always describe what the other person is wearing? That just gets on my nerves.

Antivash · Sep 22, 2005

well... if you insist on knowing srispg... im wearing nothing at all...

ChuckDaTruck · Sep 23, 2005

Harry nows the secret of the WANDERING HEN!!!!!!

I've heard it roams late at night...PECKS OUT THE EYES OF PATHETIC LOVE-SICK WIZARDS!!!!!

I just laughed at that line. Stop thinking and just imagine tonks asked him a question and harry's first response is "Wandering hen."

Don't mentally correct it, just imagine it. :closes eyes and imagines Harry saying that: (God I love absurdist humor)

This story is HILARIOUS

Midknight · Sep 23, 2005

"The Bigining to a great love "

wow.. you know the bad thing.. I've seen a story like this... written by someone who used to come here, that got hundreds of reviews within a week of being posted, and they were almost all positive.

Really made me not want to continue my story at all if people are that damned retarded.

Rahkesh Asmodaeus · Sep 23, 2005

vash.the.unholy said:

well... if you insist on knowing srispg... im wearing nothing at all...
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Thank you, vash, for that enlightening piece of information.

Antivash · Sep 23, 2005

glad i could help srispg! ^_^

yeah mid you are right... all the retarded idiots do make you want to stop.. but its my personal opinion that the few intelligent reviewers that enjoy the well written stories and hard work you put into stories make it all worth it even if most of the population is full of idiots... i mean.. you dont commit suicided to quit living because 90% of the world is stupid do you? nope..

ChuckDaTruck · Sep 23, 2005

well said, Vash

Midknight · Sep 23, 2005

vash.the.unholy said:

glad i could help srispg! ^_^

yeah mid you are right... all the retarded idiots do make you want to stop.. but its my personal opinion that the few intelligent reviewers that enjoy the well written stories and hard work you put into stories make it all worth it even if most of the population is full of idiots... i mean.. you dont commit suicided to quit living because 90% of the world is stupid do you? nope..
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that is true, but when you figure for the chapters I posted that I didn't write here, I did hours upon hours of research for my notes, a good 80%+ I haven't used yet, just so someone can read a awesome chapter and reply via email or a PM here with "You keep )@(*&^(@ saying SHOULD OF, instead of SHOULD HAVE you retard!!!1!one!!uno1!!" It tends to discourage the shit out of you. I gave up paying attention to it, and I'm gonna "write" it the way I want. (For those of you who don't know I use Voice recog, instead of typing for my story and notes)

ChuckDaTruck · Sep 23, 2005

tell them to go fuck themselves. IF that doesn't work, tell those ingrates to come talk to me :twisted:

Antivash · Sep 23, 2005

i was once accused of pollluting fanfiction.net with garbage... it as a Urashima Keitaro/Urashima Kanako (adopted siblings) pairing story i think and i realise i made mistakes in spelling and such but this idiot took it to the extreme..

Midknight · Sep 23, 2005

new item: both stories on http://www.fanfiction.net/u/860512/

he blatantly rips off "Awakening of a Magus", which he admits to "using ideas from" and then proceeds to damned near copy and paste quite a bit from. If that's not bad enough you can't read the damned thing, it's a jumble of text. Plagery, and then can't take the borrowed material and at least make it readable... okkkkaaaay. Not trying to bash the guy here, but what the hell??

example from his wonderfully named story "Awakening of a MAGE" ...notice the difference?

example.. notice the start of the story fragment:

Harry had been working for about a half hour when his uncle’s voice hissed out at him in anger, pulling him from his thoughts. “What are you doing, boy? I made it quite clear there was to be no m- ma-… none of your unnaturalness,” Vernon spat, looking around fearfully as though afraid someone might see something ‘not normal’, even though Cousin Leticia’s house was in the middle of nowhere. “What do you mean? I’m not doing any magic. If I was, the trailer would be packed already!” Harry didn’t understand what his uncle was talking about, and he had just about had enough of all the Dursley’s as it was. “That trunk you’re carrying, boy. You’re definitely using your freakishness to carry it, I couldn’t even lift it by myself, there’s no way a scrawny little wimp like you could!” Hearing this Harry raised and lowered the trunk a few times in his arms, it didn’t feel like it weighed anymore than five or ten pounds, at the most, so he decided to just ignore his uncle and continued walking towards the trailer. This turned out to be the wrong thing to do, because Vernon caught up with him just as he had set the trunk onto the bed of the trailer, and he grabbed Harry’s shoulder, spinning him around roughly.

“I will not be ignored, boy! We’ve put up with you for almost fifteen damned years because your parents were too stupid to kill you before they snuffed it themselves,” Vernon raised his other hand, getting ready to strike Harry as he continued berating the boy, “and I said none of this… this… AGH!” The man screamed as Harry reached across and grabbed his right wrist, before he could swing his arm. “I’ve had enough, Vernon,” Harry squeezed Vernon’s wrist harder and harder not noticing that his eyes had started shining with swirling emerald flames, “enough of you disrespecting my parents, enough of you treating me like dirt, enough – of – you!” As Harry finished speaking he squeezed even harder, and as he did green flames flared up around his hand, and his uncle started screaming in agony. Harry dropped his uncles wrist and jumped back, scared of being burned as it seemed his uncle was, from the man’s screams. But as Harry jumped back, Vernon stopped screaming and just dropped to the ground, cradling his, obviously broken but not burned, wrist, and glaring up at the boy. Seeing that his uncle wasn’t burned, Harry looked back down at his right hand, only to see the flames still there, not hurting him at all, and slowly dying as the anger left him, and his eyes returned to normal.
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example from the other one.

As Harry and Dumbledore sat down in the Dursley’s living room, Harry’s Uncle Vernon finally seemed to gather his wits, and he stalked into the living room through the kitchen, followed closely by Harry’s Aunt Petunia and his rotund cousin Dudley. “I… I won’t be having any of you FREAKS in MY house!” roared Harry’s uncle, “I’ve put up with the boy long enough, I won’t put up with you or this godfather of his bursting into my home as well!” Hearing this, Dumbledore turned to look at Harry, and in a soft voice, having completely ignored Vernon, he asked “You haven’t told them Harry? About Sirius’ death?” Hearing what Dumbledore had asked, Harry noticed that his Aunt Petunia made a small gasp and raised her hand to her mouth, though this went unnoticed by her husband who had started chuckling merrily. “Oh! Serves him right! He was another freak like you, boy… and a criminal! He should have just been done away with in the first place, a murderer and ARRRGGGHHH!”

Uncle Vernon’s tirade was abruptly cut off when Harry looked up at him, his face clearly showing his anger, and made a sweeping motion with his hand. Following the motion, a wave of pure force seemed to slam into Vernon Dursley, sending him flying backward, between his wife and son, careening over the kitchen table, and crashing through the glass doors in the back of the kitchen to land with a very painful sounding thud on the ground in the backyard. Harry jerked to his feet, and the only thing that stopped him from advancing on his uncle and continuing what he had started was Dumbledore’s hand reaching up and resting gently on his shoulder. Harry took a deep calming breath, and then suddenly realized what he had done, turning to Dumbledore with a look of horror. “I… I didn’t mean… I don’t have my wand… I… I’m not expelled am I?” Harry stammered, finally spitting out the question that mattered most to him. Dumbledore smiled and shook his head slowly, “No Harry, no you won’t be expelled. Though I do find it rather interesting that you were able to perform such magic without a wand, accidental magic is commonplace amongst young witches and wizards, but to… deliberately perform magic without a wand is quite rare. In any case, I really should get to the reason for my visit. I would like you to accompany me to a meeting with the minister, since the meeting is mainly going to be concerning you. I was going to explain a few things before we left but…” Dumbledore gave Harry a look and then let his eyes travel to the moaning form of Vernon Dursley, still struggling to get up. “Well, we should be off, Harry, I’m sure your aunt and uncle won’t miss you for an hour or two,” Dumbledore gave Harry’s Aunt Petunia a pointed look over the rims of his glasses, “Things seem to be fine here.” Saying this, Dumbledore smiled and then pulled a small, wrapped candy from inside his robes, pointing his wand at it and mumbling Portus. He held out the candy for Harry to touch and then gave a casual wave of his wand towards the kitchen, and as the Portkey took hold, Harry couldn’t help but laugh as he heard the thunk of his Uncle Vernon walking into the glass door that Dumbledore had just repaired.
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Midknight · Sep 23, 2005

hmm... I just noticed something that's got me very annoyed... in my story I describe magical cores., granted I know it's not earth moving, but it's a half assed quick explanation I used as a focal description of power, pay attention to the words in BOLD.:

Moody was the next, he could see magical cores in people, thanks to his eye. Normal people, or pretty much every student or person he’d ever come across, had small cores, roughly the size of a small grape, floating in the lower torso region. It would drift around the trunk of the body, helping heal various parts of the body. It was one of the reasons wizards could often take injuries that would of killed muggles, with only scratches or minor injuries. The magic enhanced the blood that passed through the body, making it stronger, and able to carry more nutrients and oxygen. The blood then did it’s best to fix damage brought on by injury or time. Large wounds however, say missing pieces of your anatomy, or anything larger then a finger, simply could not be repaired on it’s own.

Now people that were much stronger then the average, for example most order members with the exception of Lupin, several Death Eaters, and even a few aurors. They all had core slightly bigger, about the size of a walnut. Lupin was more of a small orange size, additional power supplied by his unfortunate condition. Over his many years fighting darkness he’d encountered two people that had cores of power so great he wouldn’t dare challenge them directly. Dumbledore and Voldemort, cores the size of a large softball. Young Potter before him however, left him in awe. Almost all of the boy’s torso and head where registering in his eye’s vision as pulsing magical core areas.
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The perviously linked author in his Dark Mage story describes magic cores as thus in http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2530016/3/ look for the bold again.:

Now, keep in mind with each step the core of the witch or wizard grows; as I said, a normal wizard has a core about the size of a grape, a warlock has a core about the size of a plum, a sorcerer has a core about the size of a large orange, and the core of a mage pretty much takes up their entire torso. There is only one level beyond a mage, but if what you felt, if what you said is true, then you have just… jumped to that ranking, the archmage. The core of an archmage takes up their entire body, in many ways they become magic.
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he describes Dumbledore earlier as being a sorcerer, with a core the size of a large orange.. I describe him as a softball... which is the same size as a large orange.

His Harry is filled with magic, mind is mostly filled with it. His mage takes up the torso, mine takes up the torso, with a secondary stolen core at Harry's head.

My Harry's magic is a living part of him, his Harry's has become one with the magic...

Should I be annoyed as hell, or am I reading way too much into this?

Dark Syaoran · Sep 23, 2005

lol.

Now that is just fucking weird. Who posted first!!!

I got like 100 hits for my first chapter but only 3 reviews, lol. I can feel the love. I got more people putting me on their alert list than reviews... thats just weird man. Not that I really care about em, im still gonna write my story, its just strange.

Chapter 2 is coming along alrite. Im on the topic of the dementors breeding... Harry just doesnt understand it, lol.

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