Uh oh, who are the four adopted magical children? Usually I see people like... Neville, Malfoy, random person No1, OC... as the adopted ones for whatever reason.

And now I feel the obligation to present my own contribution. The first since March, as a matter of fact:

Hermione and A Masked Ball
The first masked ball at hogwarts.And Hermione has found the person who knows her most !She knows who he is, But will he ever find out who she is !
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,194 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 10-30-07 - Published: 10-18-07

This is seriously too lax in the grammar department. Not the only reason though...

It must die.

 

Recnac Transfaerso » by Celebony review
Harry gets cancer in result from saving a Muggle's life, but will this become just the thing to save the Wizarding world? (Warning: Child abuse) HG, RH. No OotP spoilers! Quidditch, a ball, dueling, Snape and other fun stuff! {Complete}
Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 207,824 - Reviews: 2812 - Updated: 1-11-04 - Published: 6-25-03

Cancer kid Harry?

 

Oh lordy, I remember this one. Read the whole thing back in the day when I'd read just about anything. Soooooo much angst and poor little abused and damaged Harry bits. The muggle neighbors trying to help etc... Definitely gets points for originality. I won't go too spoiler-ific and say exactly how, but there aren't any other fics quite like this one. And I suppose for those who like angst (You're an average teen and you're not Harry Potter. Deal with it.) this fic is over-flowing with abuse and pain and all the other awful things in the world.

I will add this much though: do not under pain of death even bother with the sequel. It's like Celebony thought, "I know! I'll take all of the remotely interesting parts out of the first one and just write the worst angst filled fic possible for a sequel. Sirius and Snape can get along and be parents to Draco and Harry. And Draco and Harry will take a triple dose of their pussification pills, breaking into tears and crying, scared they've upset their 'fathers' over and over and over again."

Seriously. There's not a character in the sequel that even Gandhi wouldn't backhand yelling, "Quit your fucking crying, you fucking little bitch!" Admittedly, I stopped torturing myself after only a handful of chapters of the sequel but it made me long for the days where it was only the angst of a dying-of-cancer!Harry rather than the supernatural angst monster that seems to dominate everything Celebony posts. Yes, that's right. The angst of a dying-of-cancer!Harry was far more palatable than things like family night and weasley bonding fics.

If menstrual cramps could be harnessed into fic form, they would be Celebony.

 

I'm sorry for bringing this back necro style, but damn:

Love Conquers All » by SiriusLuver16 reviews
What if Lily and James didn't die that night? What if others didn't as well? What if the Love God saved them all? What if Harry weren't an only child? Potter family and Marauder centric. AU
Fiction Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,512 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 1-17-08 - Published: 9-24-07

What? Love God? There's a Family category? Love God?

 

I was told God supports the burning of Harry Potter books.

 

OK, that was awful. The Love God? Is that the ghost of Casanova?

 

The dying of cancer!Harry thing is hilarious. The story and concept sucked so ridiculously badly that I couldn't take it seriously even if I wanted to.

The opening paragraphs immediately makes the author's intentions clear. The whole cancer thing is an attempt to draw people away from the point of the story - Harry gets his ass repeatedly handed to him, taken from him, and shoved back at him with no break.

I already hope Harry dies by cancer.

 

Yeah, the "Family" category I think was added at the same time as "Friendship," "Crime," "Western," and "Hurt/Comfort" as possible genres.

And that summary is classic. It wasn't God that saved them, but the Love God. Not sure who the Love God is, but I think Caligula sounds as good as anyone else. Unfortunately that Jesus fella claimed the title of a "living god" just a few years before him stealing most of his thunder. Or I suppose the Love God could be Don Knotts from the 1969 movie but that's a hard sell.

Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and Rocco Siffredi should pick up a couple votes each for the title of the Love God. Of course if it's any of them, I'd be curious enough to read that fic.

 

. Aparecium » by Haraldzidla reviews
When Hermione Granger arrived at Hogwarts for another year, the last thing she expected was letter from some one claiming to be her secret admirer.
Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,628 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 1-18-08 - Published: 1-15-08

And, a quote...

What, pray tell, is 'chest' and why is Harry playing that with Ron? The mental imagery doesn't bode too well.

Another...

1. Harriet Potter, the Girl Who Lived by VELLRAC reviews
Harry Potter is a boy but the whole magical world thinks he's a girl due to Dumbledore's tiny mistake.
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 318 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1-18-08 - Published: 1-18-08

The entire chapter is this...

And no, I didn't leave out anything. It really did end there.

 

I dont want to read about Harry chesting any males thank you.

 

11. Of all PLaces by karo cake Harry asks Voldenmort on a date.Complete - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 438 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 1-19-08 - Published: 1-19-08

No comment. And no quote. I'm not taking one for the team this time as I don't want to have to gouge my eyes out.

 

Pfft, pussy. It gets easier with every time.

It's not as bad as the summary.

 

The summary is scary enough.

 

*cough*Bratling*cough*

Anyway..
It's a Chibi's Life » by Phire Phoenix reviews
-Discontinued- Crossover with Yu-Gi-Oh! Dumbledore invites the YGO gang to stay at Hogwarts, so the students there can study Egyptian Magic. But as Yugi experiments with Magic, he turns Harry - and himself - into Chibis!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,262 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 8-26-03 - Published: 6-2-03

I lol'd. At the intro and the story.

 

ROFL. I'd forgotten all about pokegirls. I remember reading the founding pokegirl fics... ah, bliss and perversions. I think they came out of Addventure.

Yak.

 

I'm worried that what bothered me most about that was that the Author kept misspelling "Drowzee".

A Fool's Love

Die bitch, die.

 

Sorry was refering to the pokegirls crossover.