If you like it as 'HP and the Curse's Cure', you'll be jazzed to know it was originally 'HP and the Rapist's Curse'.

I guess the author wanted to make sure that his Harry-harem scheme didn't seem so unseemly.

 

I think it took the author 14 chapters to come up with the new name. :facepalm

 

Wow.

I thought the 'rapist's curse' you mentioned being part of the title was a joke. Till I skimmed to this.

Spoiler

Daphne looked up, fear clear in her eyes. "Eventually, the lust will become too strong even for someone like Harry to resist. And when he snaps, he'll end up raping everyone in the school, and likely Hogsmeade too!"

Where's Antonie Dodson when you need him? Harry's been cursed to become a bed intruder.

 

Quote "he'll end up raping everyone in the school, and likely Hogsmeade too!""

... but is FAWKES safe?

 

Third degree cockburns? Ouch.

 

Fawkes is not safe, according to authors notes.
On another note, the works of hans von hozel include many blasphemies and poorly written HP fics (8 of them).
www.fanfiction.net/u/1730364/

 

Phoenix tears are readily at hand though...

 

That all depends upon how the phoenix feels about Harry afterwards, now doesn't it?

"Fawkes, really, I had no choice..."

"{Again! You think I like this? I've had to beat Albus away with a sharp beak for years... you bastard... I thought... after the Chamber, that we had something special...}"

Ron turned to Harry. "Any idea what he's sayin', mate?"

"Not a clue, but I'm close to killing myself, so I don't think he's happy."

 

True.
Morning after argument -> Fawkes' tearful breakdown -> Burn remedy

 

Dammit, now I've got the Airwolf theme running in my head. I've had to purge my brain by trying to imagine how a Harry Potter / Knight Rider crossover would go.

 

Huh...a horcrux of Harry's posessing a car/motorbike/Airwolf/Firebolt, with main!Harry being the driver.

Haha, or an obsessed Fleur or someone obscure somehow becoming the car.



"You know, 'Arry," said an accented purr from the car's speakers, "you sitting there, touching me like this, feels so very, very good!"

Harry laughed somewhat nervously at that, and he greatly resisted the urge to pull both his hands and feet away from the steering wheel and pedals. As they continued their ongoing (and in Harry's case, very uncomfortable) journey, Harry suddenly noticed that some fairly unusual vibrations were beginning to gently ripple through the inner workings of the 'car'.

"Um, Fleur? Why is the engine purring like that?"

"Can't you guess, 'Arry?' She sounded...odd. Like she was very, very happy for some reason, but also like she was out of breath -

Harry's eyes widened with realisation, and he gulped.

 

Not really a fanfic, but this amused me:

http://kaction.com/badfanfiction/

 

"Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Malcolm in the Middle and Reservoir Dogs. The story should use somebody misplacing their pants as a plot device!"

What. The fuck?

 

Amusing no? I got Portal and Buffy...

 

"Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining 1984 and Slaughterhouse 5. The story should use evil clones as a plot device!"

That...could actually work?

 

I read them both, hated them both, and hate "evil clones." That said, damnit, it actually could work. Just ... don't ever leave it where I could trip over it, ok?

 

1. Harry Potter, The Male Veela » reviews
Harry meets one of his soul mates, Fleur Delacour during the Triwizard Tournament. How will having someone he can trust and rely on change things?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,061 - Reviews: 111 - Updated: 5-29-11 - Published: 5-9-11 - Harry P. & Fleur D.

I beg you not to read it.

I so fucking hate the word goddess now.

 

I'm too lazy to search for this on FF.net. But I'll say that it sounds similar to and reminds me of a god awful fic I half read the other night.

The Bonding

The war is over and Fleur and Bill plan to go through with their wedding when things take a turn that changes everything, Harry is in for a big surprise.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: NC-17 - Genres: Romance - Characters: Fleur,Harry - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2011/06/01 - Updated: 2011/06/01 - 5239 words - Complete

It's terribly written. But that's not the issue, or why it belongs here.

Essentially, Fleur is walking down the aisle at her wedding when Fleur suddenly starts glowing. Her parents inform everyone that her magic is choosing a bondmate, something that hasn't happened to Veela for over a century. Whoever the bondmate is will instantly fall "100% in love" with Fleur. She'll cease loving anyone besides that person.

Of course, it's Harry. The scene is complete with lots of fancy pants glowing, and the result is their magic and souls bonding.

Naturally (and justifiably so), Bill's pretty pissed off. All the Weasley's turn on Harry (Ron saying Harry probably set up the whole thing, though we're assured neither had a choice in the matter... wait, what?), and Bill sums up a particularly irritating cliche in one sentence...

Harry and Fleur must... well, I'll just quote that, too.

Harry calls Fleur a goddess, hence the connection to the other fic. Afterwards, the two say they love each other. Aww.

The fic ends with a brief summary of the future, where Harry and Fleur were the awesome power couple, changing the nature of the wizarding world. The Weasley's remained unhappy.

Hmm. Where was the romance in that romance fic? Or, you know, the free will? We're told twice that Fleur had no choice in who her bondmate was, and Harry had no choice in accepting it. Neither have an option in falling for each other. It's forcibly created by the bond...

That's some awesomely bad romance.

 

It's fics like that that make my eyes bleed.

 

I assure you, far worse fics exist.
An example that comes to mind-
www.fanfiction.net/s/5255954/
Which I found on the front page of hp fics. Typical OC angst, They wind up bipolar "while in love with snape". The author thinks it's normal.