This thread is for fics that may or may not be related to HP, but still deserve a place in the Hall of Awesomely Bad Fics. Or a kick in the balls. Preferably both. Anyway... let's start this thing off with a fic that is, in the barest sense, related to HP.

Naruto's Awakening: The Celestial Hero is a crossover of EVERYTHING. Including HP. And some things that should never have crossed.

Yes, that is seriously the "pairing". Naruto pretty much fucks anything with a vagina and a pulse. Though both of those qualifiers are questionable.

 

Epic. Epic lulz, INBN. Also, that was written in apparently nine days.

 

It is. He's credited as a cowriter XD

 

More names than the male guy can remember, that's for sure...

 

"Ohhhhh, that was great."

"What was your name again?"

"...I'm Sakura, Naruto"

 

The dialogue is set in instant messaging format as well.

Naruto also has the Mangekyou Sharingan, Susanoo, Mokuton, somehow one shots Nagato and Madara (wtf), controls Kyubi, is a lord, commands dragons, has the Rinnengan, resurrects James Potter, has a wand (why?), lives in a trunk, related to Merlin and Morgana, the black family, Grindelwald family, elemental mage, heir of the four founders, tantric master, out quidditchs Harry fucking Potter, out magics Dumbledore, wife beater, uses D&D magic, necromancer, cockslaps Ron (why?), is the boy who lived (huh), speaks parsel tongue, has a keyblade, is a professional singer, hung like a horse (ouch), has his own soundtrack, has a byukagan (3 eyes mother fucker!?), has the mutant gene, is holy, goes super saiyan, fucks his mum (yuck), writes in bold...

This guy makes Stained Future his little bitch.

 

I'm calling troll.

No one on Earth is this stupid. It just... isn't possible. I refuse to believe it.

Edit: In before Libertarian cracks <_<

 

Edit: Yes, I'm a retard. I saw 'awesomely bad' and posted without realizing what the 'other' meant. My bad. Would appreciate post move.

Wow... just wow. I've read bad fics before, and I've glanced at more than a few trolls, but this just takes the cake.

What makes it so much worse is that the grammar and spelling for the most part is decent enough. The author isn't retarded in the traditional sense. Just plain terrible.

I give you, the number one reason for forming: Defense Against Poorly Written Daphne Greengrass Stories.

Royalty, always a strong start!

Tut, tut Harry - she's a lady, remember? Probably not the best way to make a good first impression.

It's like... antiangst, now with double servings of angst.

 

So...Is Harry a chameleon animagus in this one? Or did he cast a special spell that allows him move both eyes separately?

 

Okie. I need to vent for a bit here and while I'm not quite on topic, I will admit the thread title fits my bubbling rage.

Awesomely bad other fandoms. Fucking hell. I was killing time doing some favorite list hopping looking at other fandoms. Came across some reasonably enjoyable Alex Rider fanfics. That's a fandom with a surprising amount of romanceless stories and plotlines (spy action, drama, some SAS soldier friendship stuff) which was a very welcome surprise when you're dealing with a cute teenage boy hero. Nothing amazing I feel the need to spread the word on, but I did get about half of a one-shot bunny written out that I may someday finish.

But after exhausting the quality Alex Rider fics, I stumbled across Twilight.

Holy fucking shit. I swear to boobs, Dante must have been describing the nine levels of heck but this shit redefines everything you thought hell could be.

I'm probably a bit biased considering vampires are the fucking lamest magical creatures ever and about the only thing I find less interesting than vampires is crappy uninteresting romance. And the state of Wyoming, but that's a personal preference.

But vampires and romance crossed with legions of vapid brain-less teen and pre-teen squealing whores in training is like the perfect storm of suck. If you guys were wondering where the fandoms would flock after the end of Harry Potter, I'm sorry to say these crusty underdeveloped vaginas have answered and it's not pretty.

Just reading the summaries and titles felt as if I was vomiting out my dick.

And it's ridiculously popular.

Shit like this reminds me of how someone like Dubya can manage to become presidency: in general, people are fucking retarded.

I know we'd like to think Dresden's the future for post-Harry Potter fans, but it was over before it ever began. Twilight's already got more fics than Lord of the Rings.

And just a quick glance showed these steaming piles of digital feces:

Boycotts and BarFlies by vjgm
AU Everyone is Human and living in Portland. The girls decide to boycott boys and the guys make a bet to keep them from dating the 'wrong kind of girls' what happens when they all stop looking for love? ExB, JxA, RxEm
Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 38 - Words: 173,692 - Reviews: 10676 - Updated: 5-15-08 - Published: 11-25-07

Yes, that's right. A summary like that, 38 chapters, and over 10,000 reviews. And it's not the aberration you might try and convince yourself it is. There's more.

Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by ashel-13
Edward thought of Bella as just a friend, but Bella always felt more.That was 3 years ago and now she's ready to make Edward Cullen fall in love with her and make this the best summer of her life. All Human OOC Lemons Galore! And read my A.N to know me!
Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 80 - Words: 291,110 - Reviews: 8121 - Updated: 7-7-08 - Published: 2-8-08

Let's use "Air Supply" for a fucking title and get 8000 reviews in a few months. I don't think Air Supply was ever even that popular.

Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Complete - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 45 - Words: 156,103 - Reviews: 10673 - Updated: 9-27-08 - Published: 12-31-07

45 chapters, over 10,000 reviews, and a title, summary like that from twilightluver001. What the fuck has happened to humanity? And in case you want some icing on that shitcake, there's a sequel to this one called "Welcome to the Real World." It's only 1 chapter so far, a little over 3K words, and in less than a month has 495 reviews.

I feel ill thinking I'm the same species as the readers and reviewers of this shit. Can someone get a terrorist some fucking nuclear bombs? Please? Because we need to take a fucking step back. The world went wrong somewhere and I don't think it's fixable.

Okie. I feel better now. And 'Awesomely Bad Other Fandoms,' Twilight has reset the bar on pain and anguish.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one that liked the Alex Rider books...

Got any fics that you would highly recommend in this fandom?

And I thought Harry Potter was bad with 99% being slash fics and 99.5% (approx.) of the entire fandom being poorly written. Ugh.

Can we create our own species? Fuck homo sapiens sapiens.

 

I wouldn't discount Dresden yet, since it appears that only the slash lovers moved onto Twilight. I bid them a good riddance.

But yeah, those makes that Harry/Snape fic and Emma Lipardi's fic with 10,000+ reviews look tame.

 

A High School Musical is just as bad. None of those summaries is anything but disgusting. I've toyed with the idea of creating a fanfic and writing a few sappy chapters and then dropping a bomb of rape/violence, but I haven't had time for that yet. I will definitely attempt it, though.

 

Jesus! Is That real? It must be a troll, otherwise I despair.

 

Gotta be a troll, has to be, I refuse to believe that Humanity has sunken to such lows. Seriously, Naruto may be a ninja, may be a container for limitless stamina and energy but I dont think its that kind of stamina that they were describing in the manga people. Its things like this that make me want to have a way to reach across the internet and set them on Fire.

 

Best idea ever. Tell us all when you do this.

 

I thought it was just a single fanfic. That there's four hundred pages's worth of those fanfics is so bullshit.