TheIllusiveOne~

Reading over it I see a couple lines of dialogue that say more than two characters who are in the ‘know’ would say to each other. But it is not unusual for two people to repeat history when they are talking and reflecting on a tragic event. It’s sort of a way to vent or catharsis. Seen enough of it in my personal experience.

I think the parts in the dialogue which may seem more constructed are the mention of RW and GW. That could be done without. Looking back it might actually have been better to leave Hermione alive. That and one line by Pomfrey saying ‘We’ve been run out of Hogwarts’ – I admit that one is making me cringe now.

Thanks for the critique I will watch out for that pitfall.

 

I got another tidbit of advice for you, though all the people here mean well we can sometimes get a bit overbearing... in other words, don't change too drasticly just because one person didn't like it.

Just thought I'd say that. Though I don't really seeing you doing that just a reminder.

 

Stalicon~
Thanks for the advice, I will do my best not to be swayed by one opinion. Let me know how you like the next chapter.

 

Newest chapter is up on the 'Work by Author' thread. Apologies for the slow update, I spent significant time on working out the plot for the entire story. I am pleased to announce I have a beginning and an end, and am not writing just on the fly - its a first for me, I know where I am going with this one.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and rating. Btw, should I be announcing new chapters here, or is that bad form? New to all this, so if a veteran wouldn't mind giving me a heads up?

 

Feel free to announce it here (I do). On that note, any other opinions and/or ratings?

 

Thanks for letting me know. Alright folks, the fourth and fifth chapters are posted.

I asked a few of you to reserve your questions until chapter 4, now that it is posted feel free to ask away.

Ip82 and Invisdible~ I hope the reason why I called the ritual unholy is cleared up. I admit, in hindsight, I should not have used that word, since I'm not getting into religion, made up or otherwise, so it throws off the reader. Invisdible, there won't be any Angels but there might be demons.

Someone pointed out a supposed plot hole with McGonagall being forced to give a willing sacrifice. I promised that would be explained in Chapter 4, and it is.

The fic is posted both on DLP WBA thread, and FF.net, links are in my sig. Please critique, review, rate, let me know how to improve or any other plot holes etc.

 

Hey guys, new chapter is up, check it out. Its shorter than the last one but I think its still a decent length and sets up things that will become important to the plot. Also has a little more back story and some character development. Would like to know what you all think.

 

Very sweet. It's been a long time since the last update, but this was worth it. The new world you've created really comes across as barren and weird very effectively. Nice touch with the snakes tricking him too. There are too many stories that immediately have everyone suddenly become a big happy family when they learn he can speak parseltongue.

The only error I noticed was when you called McGonagall a 'sceptre' instead of a spectre, which was worth a chuckle. I'm looking forwards to the next chapter.

 

Gah! Thanks for pointing that out, damn, that was a silly mistake. I must have spell checked it and not paid attention. Hope it doesn't throw people off: "wtf is McGonagall's scepter?"

Yeah, its been a long time between updates. I was struggling with where to end the chapter. I ended up revealing a lot of things in the rough draft, and wasn't sure if things would get overshadowed or forgotten with all the ideas to keep track of. So I did some prodigious editing and got it down to this.

I'm glad to hear the 'new world' had the correct effect and yes the snake's tricking him seems to be popular. I mean they are snakes, the deception should be expected, right? Happy to hear you enjoyed it, I promise the next update won't be as late as this one.