1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice

  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice
DLP Story Competition Guest User Registration Nag SPS + NTT

Complete The Cost of Living by livezinshadowz - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Hello, Jun 15, 2010.

3.4000000953674/5, 5 votes
  1. Hello

    Hello Professor

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2009
    Messages:
    457
    Jun 15, 2010 #1
    Title: The Cost of Living
    Author: livezinshadowz
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    DLP Category: Naruto Fanfiction
    Pairing: Naruto & Kakuzu (not yaoi)
    Chapters: 21
    Words: 199,971
    Updated: December 29, 2012
    Published: March 21, 2010
    Status: Complete

    Summary: My response to pudgypudge's Jiongu challenge. Watch as Naruto is trained by Kakuzu to be a powerful ninja and bounty hunter, and follow him as he discovers that his new life requires a payment in blood to live successfully. Competent!Naruto.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5831241/1/The_Cost_of_Living

    Not as bad as I expected, is shaping up to get very bad or even better. Contains some neglect/hatred by villagers towards Naruto but is not "OMGZ MUST KILL DEMON!!" mostly "get out of my shop bastard" and there is no Naruto escaping from ANBU at 3. Naruto's meeting Kakuzu for the first time isn't fail and in fact Naruto gets turned into barbeque for a few minutes because Kakuzu doesnt want witnesses to his presence. Oh and because of how I read I wouldn't have noticed any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes.

    5/5


    Checked by Minion, July. 28, 2016
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
  2. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    957
    Jun 16, 2010 #2
    Lulz, I started reading this recently, then lo and behold, someone posted it for review.

    I'll say this story got off to a rough start simply because there's been faaaaaaaaaaaaar too many stories that start the same way. - STAY OUT RARARA POOR ME RARARA LEAVE RARARA GET FOUND/GET TRAINED RARARA COME BACK RARARA -

    I'll also say that past the generic intro, I do like the direction this story has gone thus far. The training scenes, while...tedious in their details, are well done in that they're not focused on and drawn out to a couple chapters (like most Naruto fanfics). The characterization does come off as a little shallow and could use some work, but not much. The plot/conflict...well, for what there is, it doesn't seem like much but it's a start. Some parts just kinda come off as retarded, but that could be just me.

    I would tentatively give this story a 4/5, but the coming chapter could make it or break it so I won't vote until after that.
     
  3. hgf

    hgf Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2009
    Messages:
    133
    Jun 17, 2010 #3
    I don't really like this one all that much, it's just average. As Sin Saiori said, some parts do come off kind of retarded. Right now I would give this perhaps a 3/5 but I'll hold off on rating it for now.

    The part with the seven tails girl was really bad imo. Also, why do they have to enter the chunin exam? Surely just infiltrating the village would give Naruto some kind of chance for revenge and why does he even think of revenge at this point when even Orochimaru didn't consider it before he had two villages attacking Konoha.
     
  4. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,378
    Location:
    The South
    Jun 18, 2010 #4
    Not bad, but Naruto seems a bit young for some of his thought processes at the start. He's five yet he's thinking about how if his clan had done something really bad that was no reason to hate him and take out their "grief and anger" on him because he's just a kid, etc. Naruto isn't exactly lauded as an intellectual genius, especially at that age, so it's a bit far-fetched. But the desire to find out about his family and his decision to "run away" are plausible enough for his age, so eh. Naruto mouthing off and punching Kakuzu was classic.

    Premise in general is pretty good for the early plot. Naruto isn't doing more than he should be able to and his teacher/protector is certainly capable of taking out pursuers. Also... Kakuzu is kind of cool sometimes.

    Not sure about the 7-tails kid; she seems like an unnecessary OC at this point. So far she hasn't turned into a Mary Sue or taken up too much screen time though, so it's fine.

    I'm looking forward to a Naruto-centered plot picking up though. So far he's trained and gone on some hunts, but no serious plot material or real interaction with the people he used to know in Konoha.

    3.5/5: It's not quite 4/5 material yet, but it's getting there. I'll probably be following it.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Harry_J_Potter

    WIP Living an Indoctrinated Dream by Aberron - M - Mass Effect

    Harry_J_Potter, Dec 3, 2014, in forum: Almost Recommended
    Replies:
    8
    Views:
    5,264
    Xion
    Jun 8, 2019