This just in: Shezza has a 4 day weekend, he is writing.
And we finally get to meet the Original Denarian Renegade, LASCIEL.

I can't wait. ​

Edit: Thread will remain locked as per Generalissimo Surrarin's orders.

 

Wow this is odd, a new instalment that is almost an hour old and the fanboys havent flooded this thread.

I noticed two typos when reading but cant remember what they were, I'm sure someone will point them out.

 

Nothing much to say about it tbh.

Bit short, however the ANs said more is coming. I'll edit this with comments when there is something to comment on.

 

I'm waiting for the last part before I judge. Hopefully we get to see something get slaughtered. I expect the wannabe rapist is a Fae of some kind too.

 

What happened to the whole "going with Tonks to torture random man" thing?

 

Scene Two of Chapter Three is posted. Reviews, comments, critiques and spell-checks are all welcome.

 

Ah ah ah! Now that is more like it Shezza.

Excellent, definitely something new and refreshing, denarian wise. I spotted no glaring errors, but I never really notice them too be honest.

Great to see you back writing.

 

Poor Harry, can't even buy a apartment without being annoyed, attacked and more or less 'rescued' (I bet he will deny it until the end of time, can't have two knights of the Cross 'save' him, now, can he?).

Nice so far, I'm glad you are back Shezza

 

Hmm...it was okay, but not your best. I mean, it was good action, but that was all it was: meaningless action. The buying of the shabby apartment was the same: it seemed like a random scene, out of nowhere.

/me wants plot.

 

Taure said it.

Don't get my wrong, action is my favorite genre, and this is especially good action... I just wish there was a bit more plot in this chapter.

Anyway, I give it 5/5.

 

2/3 scenes of the chapter so far, I'm guessing we get plot in the last scene.

 

Chapter 3, Scene 3/3 is up. Hope it puts more plot in. Tired now, later.

 

Yay! Finally. First after 3/3.

Erm...Okay that was kind of dumb, i'll admit. Very interesting, it's interesting to see how Harry thinks of himself in relation to god. Not saying he is right, and God may very well be trying to redeem him yet but at least he is thinking. Though the mystery of why Meciel went rogue is still out there, now that Vesper and Nico.(not even going to try to spell his full name) are dead, wouldn't it be more likely for Harry/Meciel to exact their revenge as the leader of the Blackened Denarion then as someone just killing them all? I look forward to future chapters.

 

I only noticed that you used "excuse" where "accuse" should be.

 

Harry and Meciel can easily do both as the Fallen can always take new hosts...

 

Hurray, new chapter. Hopefully you will have time to write a couple more before the weekend is done?

The beginning was a bit odd in that in the last chapter Harry was about to go on a mission with Tonks and here he is suddenly buying an apartment. After reading the whole chapter it became obvious that these events are set just after the previous chapter and before Harry meets Tonks, but I wonder if it would be worth it to add a sentence or two to clarify that in the beginning? I could easily see Harry commenting to Meciel how he is looking forward to his mission with the "sexy auror" or something.

The action itself was good as always. I enjoyed it but I dont really have anything else to say about it.

Though I kinda wonder why so many other powerfull denarians have such freakish "special abilities" while Meciel who is supposed to be in the same league does not?

I mean Anduriel has that cool shadow thing which he could use to attack things or fly with and such. Vesper could fly too which is very usefull giving superiour mobility. Tessa could transform into that mantis thing which could reassemble itself even if blown to bits making her very difficult to kill. And even the denarian here seems to have some freakish white-energy thing to kill others with a touch. One that seemed an innate ability instead of magical one.

While Meciel only has the bonewyrm form, which while cool, is more of a "brute" physical strenght thing and does not seem significantly different to what the "lesser" denarians can do. Is there a instory reason for that I wonder or is it just balance to prevent Harry becoming too super? I suppose its not important to the story but it is a random thought that I was curious about.

It was interesting to see how Harry views himself as a hitman of god and learn how Meciel became the "renegade". Will we learn the full details eventually I wonder? Why was Harry so ignorant of this whole Denarian Lord thing anyway? I mean did he not call Meciel a "Lord" to Dumbledore in the previous chapter?

In any case looking forward to the next chapter. If begging and pleading works then you may consider it done so that we will get it soon

 

I really enjoyed it, but uh, I enjoy reading this story too much to offer constructive criticism plot wise.

Grammar wise one line stuck out to me: "Vesper’s crippling injuries threw her to the back of the Anduriel, and his new hot, Nicodemus, took control of the Order.”

Is "the" before "Anduriel" supposed to be there? It seems like it would read better if it said:

""Vesper’s crippling injuries threw her to the back of Anduriel, and his new hot, Nicodemus, took control of the Order.”

 

I'd also change "hot" to "host". Unless that was intentional. If it was, I don't understand the reference.

 

Just a few typos but I completely ignored them in favour of the update. Nice bit of action. Why is it that every time I read a chapter I am left with more questions than those I had started the chapter with? I hope you don't go on another long break from writing.

 

I liked it, but I have two complaints. You need to put in a few lines or something about Harry leaving Grimmauld Place to go buy an apartment, because I was really confused at first. I actually checked the thread to make sure I didn't miss an update containing the Order's mission.

The other thing, like someone else said, is that all the Denarian's seem super-powered compared to Meciel. I mean, yeah, Harry's powerful, and Meciel taught him, but other then Hellfire and his Bone-Wyrm, which we haven't even seen in a long while, she doesn't really give him anything special. I mean, this chick had her touch equals instant death thingy, Nico had his shadow, the Denarian in the lake in the previous story had weird mental powers, and Vesper had wings.

Meciel needs something to justify being so dangerous to the Order of the Blackened Denarius. Something besides Harry, I mean.

Other then that, it was top-notch.