A major point for this fic will be the reveal on what exactly constituted the break between Meciel and the other Denarians. I always got her general feeling is that she would dance a jig if they were all crucified. Hopefully that point will be explained soon.

Another point that should come back to the forefront is Maeve and Amaris. The choice that Amaris will make regarding her Fae or human halves will play a part hopefully in the mid-to-endgame of this fic. Maeve was preparing to fuck Harry over at the end of Denarian Knight. The idea hopefully will be that Amaris will at least try to break free of her mother and have her father try to help her.

Maybe the custody battle will end up with someone dead....?

 

I think I'd like to see something bad happening to Harry for once. He's usually only physically injured, but always has Meciel to patch him up.

Harry without his Meciel coin, or Hellfire magic would be a serious twist in the story. Hell, maybe even Harry killing all the other Denarians, and Meciel manifesting in her own physical form somehow, and then Harry+Knights vs Meciel.

Although I do not want that to happen. Harry and Meciel make a great team.

/me has enjoyed pretty much every word in the Denarian Trilogy.

 

Your first inclination would have been appropriate.

 

Red ones should go.


I doubt Meciel speaking "my might" means anything, especially when it's just after theatrics comment. At least, I like to see that this way.

As usual, can't wait for more.

edit:

Logical is an adjective. Logic is a noun. Let's see how does it flow for you if there was different word.
Adjective:

Noun:

 

I dunno about the "Logical" one, I think it works fine, to me it just flows weirdly using Logic instead.

 

The statement works fine as is. It might not be strictly grammatically correct, but it's at least an acceptable way to break the rules. If you did want to fix it, then just removing the red part would make the statement worse. You'd also have to remove the "the" before "logic".

"Meciel’s manipulation of his perception very rarely concerned itself with logic"

That feels a little dry; the original is better. Style trumps rules in this case.

 

Yo guys, Chapter 6, 1/3 is up. Reviews are welcome.

Thanks for your corrections KrzaQ. I'll edit them in when I update next.

 

Nice update Shezza. Bit of a filler, but not bad I guess. It's good to see Amanda back in the story, 'with breasts' as well.

/me wonders how long it will be until Harry and Amanda will shag.

 

I used to ship Harry/Meciel.

I have been converted to Harry/Amanda.

Though of course, Harry/Amanda is almost by definition Harry/Meciel/Amanda, so yeah...

Also, someone should make an Omake of the Harry/Meave sex scene... I mean, Meciel must have been doing something during it. I'm sure she could provide much amusement.

 

It's great to see another update ahead of schedule! Now you left us wondering whether Dumbledore will go all HBP wasting time for old stories or teach Harry something actually useful. Or both, maybe, but instead of wasting whole year he could just give Harry list of suspected locations and items.

By the way, it's another time you miscounted chapter number.

 

Nice update; the Hogwarts thing sets up a nice contrast with what we've been seeing otherwise. The exposition was a little prosaic at places where you introduce each character, but as it's the first time we see them in this story, it does make sense.

I've a few suggested mods, but I'm not clever enough to do them in color:

"While some of the Headmaster’s liked to propose" - drop the apostrophe.

"Still, Hogwart’s unique architecture" - should be "Hogwarts's" or "the unique architecture of Hogwarts"

"For reasons for too complicated" - should be far too complicated

"their indreculous claims... pots was probably correct" - should be "incredible claims" and "were probably correct."

"It still didn’t stop them from handing out detentions." - swap in "the Professors" for "them" since the pronoun antecedent is nowhere in sight.

"clashed horrible " - clashed horribly

"a whinging, whining and complaining man, " whinging and whining are very close synonyms. This is redundant.

“If you hadn’t been as late then perhaps Professor McGonagall wouldn’t have been as harsh on you,” - comma after late, "as harsh with you" would be better.

"something that’ll she’d need" - something that she'd need" or "something that she would need"

"mail a list of spell" - spells

"which were those who had " - "those who had"

"kept up the practise" - practice

"ignoring her friend’s worried glances" - "friends' worried glances" or "friend's worried glance"

"Maybe she have taken" - "Maybe she should have taken"

"She had killed man. " - had killed a man

"and looked a tad embarrassed" - and she looked a tad

"her jumped stretched" - her jumper stretched

"her cheeks a delicate pink" - needs a period at the end.

"“It’ll be just out luck" - just our luck

"I want to become a student again" - maybe it's just me, but "be a student again" seems more natural.

 

Well, all the grammatical errors have been caught already, so I'll say I really enjoyed this update. I especially enjoyed the characterization of Tonks - she's smart and tough. Once she gets over the shock of Harry's behavior, she'll be a major asset. I really don't want to see what a Harry/Amanda 'ship will do to the girl. She doesn't understand casual sex, or "fuck buddies." Harry would break her heart, and never hesitate.

 

On the contrary, I really think it'd be interesting, in a tragic sort of way. In the series, Harry has been corrupting Amanda every bit as much as Meciel had corrupted him. It's an interesting parallel. Now, after the Dept. of Mysteries making her more jaded, a one-night-stand with Harry could push her down further, forcing her to grow more and adjust to the change.

Besides, it should make the Harry/Michael interplay so much more fun next time the three Knights party.

 

I honestly doubt we will see any kind of ship in this trilogy. Casual sex? We have seen one scene so far. I honestly think a 'ship at this point would ruin the story, I can see it ending with implications towards a certain person, maybe. But nothing more than that.

 

Thank you for that update, Shezza. It was good seeing Amanda again.

 

I think Amanda should get her own spin-off story.

 

Might be wrong, but I'm fairly certain that 'former and latter' is used when you have two things. When there are more, like in that sentence, 'latter' becomes last.

That doesn't make sense.

Dammit I dunno whether to support Meciel or Amanda anymore.

 

Nice update; Harry's interactions with Amanda are always amusing to me.

As for the shipping between Amanda and Meciel, I propose the logical solution of Harry giving Meciel's coin to Amanda so that he can have both of them at the same time.