My mind is blown.

 

It wouldn't work - if Harry gave the coin to Amanda, then he wouldn't be able to perceive Meciel anymore - he'd just be having sex with Amanda.

Unless Meciel left a remnant in Harry's mind like Lash.

 

That's a valid point, if Amanda & Hermione were adequate enough year before they must be now, too. Maybe it should be "(due to having an adequate DADA teacher this year [it IS snape, isn't it?])".

Chengar Qordat: Your solution is anything but logical. Had Harry given the coin, he wouldn't "have" Meciel anymore. He loves her (he thinks so, at least). His feelings for Amanda are rather hard to tell, but I guess he sees her at most as a friend. And a nice body, of course.

 

I think that, in a way, Harry sees Amanda as his, much like Meciel sees Harry. There is a strong parallel, as was noted a few posts back.

If someone properly hurt Amanda I think Harry would be pretty pissed.

 

Yeah, way back in Renegade, during the Nicodemus scene, he was pretty pissed when Amanda got stabbed. But I don't think that's conclusive proof that Harry thinks Amanda as "his."

 

I'm sorry but that sounded like someone immitating Sheeza to be honest

The first two paragraphs were completely unnecessary and looked more like chapter filler. Or you tryign to unload some concepts onto the reader.

I was halfway into the second paragraph when I was wondeirng if this was some prank chapter.

It could have easily started with ron complaining about getting detention and gone from there.

The rest of the chapter wasn't anything special but I gotta say the dialog was half hearted at best.

Not your best work.

 

I agree that the beginning of the chapter was a bit odd, but he needed a transition to Hogwarts and it worked well enough. Once the dialogue started I thought it went fine.

 

Just my opinion. My problem with the dialog is that its all repetative.

I expect Harry to say amanda's an idiot but usually he has atleast one memorable one liner or zing. He kind of just secreated the phrase and went on his way.

His whole I dont care bit was nice but otherwise, I wasn't feeling it.

I don't know, when I read this chapter it looks like something I would write, and that says something in itself.

As to the begining... I don't see a lead in necessary. Its a new chapter and he's gone without a lead in before. Plus someone said it or something to the affect of reintroducing...

That bothers me. Anyone who's reading this story will have read the previous ones and will have atleast read harry potter before so reintroduction seem a bit much in my opinion. Its like I'm having my hand held and lead around.

Sheeza, you can definetly do better.

 

I had been thinking that the presence of Amanda's breasts kept Harry from saying one-liners.

 

While true, it doesn't mean much, as his best work is... well, the best.

Lead in seemed a bit out of place in middle of the story (although I preferred this one to TDK prologue), but I liked mention of algae AD was fond of.

Never stopped him before.

----------------------

Red one: "[...]something that she would need[...]"
Underline: Is this correct?

Green: missing word.

It "feels" weird, I'd expect to call her "brat".

Red: delete
Green: add, unles it were her cheeks who(?) looked a tad embarrassed

I guess you meant "jumper"

our luck

 

Finally, someone sees the light!

I'm just kidding. Really, I've warmed up to Harry/Meciel since the first story, though Harry doing anything with Amanda is always hawt.

I dunno if "shipping" will make or break this story when it ends. I expect catharsis regardless .

As for the chapter's quality, I thought it was out of Shezza's style for that introduction too, especially since all it contained was irrevelvant information (she would have been better off writing about the physical state of Hogwarts and its students (Are they happy? Bored? Relaxed?), or the weather around Hogwarts, even. Pathetic fallacy and all). The dialogue... I wouldn't criticize it, since I didn't mind it, since there wasn't much of it... *shrug* I don't know if it's intentional or not. But maybe Harry's just gotten into the routine and so he feels comfortable around everything. He doesn't feel the need to defensively insult everybody.

 

The chapter was definitely... different, yet I didn't mind it that much. I have to say I enjoyed seeing things from Amanda's perspective for once, as seeing the scene from Harry's perspective would be... bland. We have seen it too often.

I enjoyed it more than not, in the end. Odd, but good.

 

Was it defensive... I thought it was just fun?

While true.. Sheeza's work in general is top notch.
That doesn't mean he/she can't slip up every now and then.

I too am not sure anymore on his/her gender.
He/she's DLP's Blaise.

Spoiler

Sheeza's black!

 

Everybody look at my profile name and tell Jon what a funny fucker he is


One of the reasons I use lead-ins like from this chapter is so I can give out little theories or little nudges against cliches or common beliefs about something. For this one, it was the whole 'Hogwarts is alive and luvs u' thing. Well, for me, Hogwarts is alive, but it's still a pile of bricks. That said, I will go back and mention something about the state of the student's and the affect of the war is having on everybody, since it's a good idea.

As for the dialogue, well, I did write it pretty late last night. That said, I can't have something witty in every chapter, you know. Hey, if you can think of something then let me know so I can put it in. That scene was mainly a reintroduction of Amanda, her thought patterns and processes and how she is after the DoM affair rather than focussing on Harry. I enjoy writing inanother POV every so often. It makes writing more enjoyable for me, fresh, I guess the word would be.

 

Jon, you are one fucking funny fugger.

You know Sherrie likes pink not purple, don't tease her like that. She'll work herself into a frenzy and you know what happens then...

Edit: Also nooblets looks into Inari's eye - she's the one in my Ava.

 

good enough... And very funny.
Not necessarily in that order

 

Holy fuck. I never saw that before. Trippy.

Anyways, nice chapter Shezza. Like someone else said, it was great, but it wasn't your best. I actually like the Harry/Amanda interaction.

 

Hmm ... what if each of them was touching the coin at the same time while having sex? That way he would still be able to perceive Meciel while having sex with her through Amanada.

Of course, that would mean Meciel would have the rather freaky experience of being able to perceive the encounter from Harry and Amanda's perspective at the same time.

 

I don't think that's how it works.