Hey guys. I'll quickly clear a couple of things up before I head out to uni.

1) The 'Harry's the only one who can use Fiendfyre save Lord Voldemort' line is missing a few bits, in hindsight. What I was meant to add on was Harry is the only one who can control Fiendfyre to the point where it needs to destroy a Horcrux, without blowing everything up around them. Dumbledore knows the spell, but let's say he doesn't have the temperment to be able to control it. Plus, he has issues in his past and he really doesn't want to go there.


2) About the comments of the angelic language. There are two parts for it. Harry hasn't used it for all his spells because a, he didn't know. I had Meciel point out that she wasn't all-knowing, especially in areas of wand-magic. This is highly advanced wand-magic theory. B) Harry's throat is largerly incapable of producing many of the sounds and, finally, c) Just because he knows the word doesn't mean it'll work. There's a small part in there where Dumbledore says that you need to know the meaning and emotions behind the word, and some of the other languages were created by creatures so alien we couldn't even begin to understand them. Basically, there's only a few select Words that a human can use, mostly because the 'definition' for it is almost identical to another Word defintion in latin or whatever. This includes meaning and emotion. The odds of the two being so similar for any Word, considering the contexts and physiologiclly differences between species (can they even feel anger or amusement, for example. Their brain might not be physically capable of that) is slim, which is why this isn't a popular art.

Of course, typing this out means that I've buggered it in the chapter. I'll go back and try to make this more apparent.

 

The chapter is of top-notch quality, the exposition very well done, interaction between Harry and Dumbledore great... Nothing to complain about here.

However this chapter introduces a bit of an inconsistency. Earlier in the story you claimed that Meciel was dismissive of ancient magic and that in general modern magic was better and just all-around more powerful. However if spells get better over time(as far as I understood, the more the spell is used, the better resonance it has, the easier it is to use it) then it's ancient magic that's the most powerful.

Unless you mean that modern wizards are more powerful because they know more ancient magic than wizards in ages before - or simply because the spells are more 'aged' and therefore better. But if that's the case then I think you might need to address it within the story.

 

IIRC, Meciel was referring to the ancient types of magic, like staffs and rituals spells and things like that. Not the actual ancient languages.

Top notch chapter, Shezza.

 

I'm not sure, but i get the impression that the egyptians weren't that powerful to start with, the language has become powerful over time, because of how old it is, etc.

Angels and Demons languages are obviously some of the oldest, so yeah. The most powerful. Thats what I got out of the explanation.

 

The language wasn't really ancient when they used it back then, right?

 

Note the part where I said that the egyptians were not that powerful to begin with?

 

Meh, I'll just copy-paste my review, rather than looking through the chapter again. There is a listing of slip-ups in the current incarnation of the chapter. I apologize for not re-formatting it for DLP to use [ quote ]'s where appropriate, but I'm in a hurry at the moment.


Shezza88,

I wasn't going to do this... or might have done it on DLP, but since I'm here... Anyway, I will mention first that I greatly enjoy this story. Well, here are the slip-ups, I noticed:

1.
"While some of the Headmaster’s liked to propose..."
...Shouldn't it be a basic plural "Headmasters," rather than a possessive, given the context?

2.
"For reasons for too complicated for the average wizard to understand,"
..."far too complicated," perhaps?

3.
"His red hair clashed horrible with maroon jumper was wearing,"
..."horribly with the"

4.
"“If you hadn’t been as late then perhaps Professor McGonagall wouldn’t have been as harsh on you,”"
..."late, then"

5.
"covering part of her ever-growing bust,"
...not sure if this is necessarily a mistake (a humorous one^^), but did you maybe mean "still-growing bust" instead?

6.
"Maybe she could ask him to mail a list of spell she should look up?"
..."spells"

7.
"A scowl came over her face and harry briefly wondered if she was still about that dead boyfriend of hers…"
...capitalize "Harry" and also perhaps having "still on about" instead.

8.
"This is object is then embedded with parts of one’s soul,"
..."This object"

9.
"His reflexes and duelling style is unique to himself and quite possibly one of the most dangerous duellists in the world."
..."His reflexes and dueling style are unique to himself, and he is quite possibly one of the most dangerous duelists in the world."

10.
"Way to point out that Voldemort superior to me in every way…"
..."Voldemort is superior"

11.
"Some you may know, the Nevernever, for example, contains countless of these words,"
..."words" should be "worlds" hmmm?


Well, that's that, although there might have been another, that should be most, if not all, of the remaining ones.

A fun chapter though, Amanda's interaction with Harry is often rather amusing, and of course Harry's... wit... in general throughout the chapter.

Oh, your little jab at quite a few stories, gave me a chuckle:
“I wonder if there’s a way to mock his name somehow. Voldemort…Voldie? Moldie? Moldie Warts? Moldie Shorts?”

Harry and Dumbledore both paused.

“Nah, I sound like a complete moron when I say crap like that,” Harry dismissed.


The little scene of Meciel nibbling on his chicken-y soul, was fun. Kinky indeed, hahaha.

Anyway, the "Words of the Worlds" certainly sounds like a rather impressive power, from your description.

All in all, good stuff, and you are definitely on a roll, and maintaining your momentum.

Keep up the brilliant work!,
~Fenraellis

 

Very nice new chapter. Good to see that you didn't waste most of it on the memories considering we've read them multiple times.

Anyways nice update 4/5

 

I just read the posted chapter on FF.net, and I liked all the little additions you made to it. The expanded area on the Words was done a lot better, as well. I was a little confused at first when you posted it here, but you really managed to explain it better in the updated version.

I did notice a few errors throughout the chapter, though. Nothing serious, just stuff like capitalization, and things like that. Something to watch out for, I guess.

 

Agreed with Samuel Black, the additions were excellent. It was far more understandable.

 

Are the emotions Dumbledore is going to be focusing Harry on going to be positive or negative? Perhaps this is just another manipulation to get Harry to change his tune.

 

two

if

Snape


It's great you updated, I already can't wait for more.
I'm not sure whether this action scene is finished or we'll learn what happened next in part two. Anyway, that was great, but it lacked... something, dunno. I guess you stuffed too much descriptions in not enough words in first part (this one about Ministry-Six reactions and Dumbledore's lessons and order meetings - all in what, 1000 words?). As for later part, the fight seemed too easy.

PS: I really hope (and I doubt it's just me) that you can get back to 1 chapter per week rate.

 

I actually really enjoyed it.

I find it kinda sad that Harry won't really have anymore challenges left from the Denarians, if he took our their two most powerful, you can't keep have them changing, but I still do enjoy the fights.

I liked how you had the illusion, I knew it must of been something like that, but it definitely kept me guessing up until he finally revealed it.

As always, looking forward to more.

 

So the only real threat left is Voldemort? Nice. How many chapters are expected to be left?

 

Did Shezza not say that he was including some of the denarians from Small Favor into this story? If so some of the nastier denarians such as Tessa or Namshiel (if he is around) would still probably pose a potential threat to Harry even now.

There are also other possible threats, such as Voldemort going public with what Harry is. If the Wizarding World learned that Harry has a fallen angel in his head they would probably react badly.

Harry has grown tough but I would not call him completely invincible just yet.

The chapter so far was interesting though nothing truly major happened. Ill probably comment more once its finished.

 

While they may be potential threats, Harry is still more powerful than they are. They could kill him, yes. But they would have to be lucky, and considering Harry is the protagonist, they won't be.

 

Or since they can't match him one-on-one they could go for quantity rather than quality; three or four Denarians at once could certainly give Harry a pretty good fight.

 

Thats one fight I'd love to see!

 

Shezza for your information you are a shity writer who deserves to die. DIE i say.

Of Course, the above is true only if HBP was a good book. Which it wasnt so the above isnt true.


Excellent. And Am I losing my mind or was Tessa not in the last chapter?

And Namshiel vs Harry Potter would be a great fight. The big bad Denarian Sorcerer vs THE Harry Potter.

 

Well, all the spelling mistakes is taken already.

As an update on where Harry is right now in the story I've got to say I liked it, even if I missed the conversations that's usually taking place. The fight was a nice bonus but a bit on the short side, but as you said it's an unfinished scene. I look forward to the rest of it.

I have to say I miss Harry's Bonewyrm form. We haven't even seen any splattering of blood from the bonewings lately apart from his little adventure in the sand at the MoM *sigh* which really doesn't count as there was no splattering. *pout* If it's the holy sword's fault it's really putting a dampener on things. It'll sort itself out I'm sure. He's very good and creative with making splatter without his form but... I miss it. Just saying: Good action and reaction with it. I'm a sucker for blood and mayhem!

Oh and I'd like to see some Harry/Neville interaction at Hogwarts! Loved his squeaky theme going on:awesome

Anyhow, I hope you gave yourself a kick-start!