Actually, I got the impression that Harry didn't actually fuck the OC; he just wanted Verrine to think that he did. He only tricked her into a photoshoot or something like that.

 

Correct. I get that impression too, Tril.

 

experience/experiences

Great to see another update, even if short. Already can't wait for more.

 

You used 'ominous' twice rather close together, it stands out in its repetition. Either replace the second ominous with some other word or better remove it altogether.

Rune. Also, it'd sound better as 'flared a bright scarlet' but that's my personal opinion.

Again, repetition; though this one I have no alternate suggestions for.

The 'wound and Harry's' what? I presume the wound and Harry's eyes, but it just sounds odd.

It'd make more sense as 'guilty for her inaction'.

'Your ugly' what?. Or maybe it's 'you're'?

Maybe 'waved at Verrine' or 'waved Verrine off'? This one is just me being nit-picky though.

Buy. Really now, this one was ridiculous.

Over all, nothing much happening in this one, except Denarian Potter shining like only he can, which is always fun and he had some fun at Verrine's expense. And a bit of insight into Verrine's character.
So all that remains to be said is....let us have some MOAR!!!

 

To be honest your whole series sucks ass. Of course I could be sarcastic instead of honest.

If I was sarcastic I would say I hated this chapter and that you should be burned at the stake for such utter filth.



P.S. I am being sarcastic. (added cause there will be someone who says are you serious)

 

Should be stranger.

Just finished reading, pretty good, very little happened though.

 

Eh, nothing happened. We learnt that Verrine is going after Lartessa, for information at least. Harry had to redo his wards (was this actually significant, or just random filler?), and that Harry is still pissing Verrine off.

Whats written is obviously good, but there isn't enough to comment about.

 

The bit at the beginning where it looked like there was some new bad guy, or Voldemort had a new servant before turning out it was Harry was cool, other than that not bad. There's nothing wrong with it, there's just nothing particularly interesting in it (yet).

 

You actually thought that? 0.o

I figured it was doing that right from the start, heh.

 

It definitely had that bad guy vibe, but I pretty much assumed it was Harry from the start. It was amusing though how the conversation went. It's a good start if not too much happened. Looking forward to the next installment.

 

Does Shezza Actually have a planned Ending. Because i am gonna be disapointed if Harry just does something reeeaaaly anticlimactic.

 

Shezza probably has something planned, she's pretty good at this stuff by now.

Even if she doesn't, she can probably improvise something pretty awesome.

 

Shezza has everything planned out.

I have a copy of the plot document. I can definitely say that the whole series is planned.

Every chapter is outlined and everything. He does change stuff as he goes, when necessary ,but its planned.

 

Shezza's a she? you learn something new here on DLP each day...

 

Fuck you, Sree.

For the record, I am a 'he'. The bloody tossers on DLP like to throw that myspace link up all the time, like there's no way that two people could ever have the same nickname. It is a small interweb, after all.

Well, that, or they like pissing me off. Probably the latter, actualy.

Anyway, the last part of the new chapter is out, with some Amaris in it as well. It's more emotional and sombre than I had planned, but I wrote it as it came to me so yeah, whatever. A grammar check and that would be much appreciated.

 

Your storytelling is maturing alongside with Harry. This part of the chapter added depth to the entire story. I just hope you'll keep it up.

 

That was amazing. You say that it was more emotional and somber than you intended, but I thought that it worked out very well. It seemed to really fit the situation and the actions and words of Amaris and Maeve were all in character. The fact that Harry holds some measure of affection for Amaris was very nice to see. I think that it shows Harry's growing maturity. I love that Amaris showed up again and it seems as if the conflict is escalating. Great Job.

 

I think Harry's price was too small, it was a life debt after all, not a loan or whatever. On the other hand, Harry seemed overly emotional towards Amaris, whom, by the way, it was great to see.
Anyhow, I already can't wait for next update.

You're.

 

Personally Shezza I like these parts of the fic more than the battle parts. It adds so much more depth to the characters' and the story. Harry used to be a arrogent immature child. Now he is a mature, extremely arrogent man who has earned the right to be arrogent. He has actually learned to love something most probably didnt think was possible when you started this.