I could try to be your beta but english is not my mais language and I have no experience on it so thats a nono... about the second chapter: I didnt like it much cause I dont like ron and I dont understand how he could win a duel against Harry if he has been training in raw magic longer than him AND is supposed to be Voldemorts equal... And about the power He know not, do you know whats it going to be? Because im sure Voldemort knows about this things Harry is learning... anyway update soon!

 

Well if you want, I could beta it for you, I have summer holidays coming up so I will certainly be free for the next few months. However, since this would be my first beta, if you want someone with more experience, I would understand perfectly. PM me with your response please.

Also, really good story, however I do have a few small points.
One of them is why was Hermoine not at HQ with Ron and Harry?

Also, I know you said that this is merely one book and the Aurors learn from many more, which makes sense. However then you get the problem as to how Harry is going to get strong enough to beat Voldemort. I see Voldemort as being a person that could wipe his ass with a half dozen aurors at once, with one hand tied behind his back, Harry, with only Auror knowledge would get slaughtered.

Oh and, after Shacklebolt shows him the memory, why does Harry not question him about the spells used? I know Shacklebolt had to leave, but nothing was stopping Harry from later quizzing him about the spells he used, expecially the unblockable one.

Another point, it is great that Harry is learning and trying to train, but as Snape proved in HBP, you need to block your mind to be of any use, otherwise your opponent can just tell what you will be doing. And if Harry knows how to block his mind, then learning how to read others minds would be very useful as well.

Also, about the fight club idea at Hogwarts, good idea, I like it, but how will you keep in secret from the teachers/Hermoine? Harry cannot post something in the common room asking all students that want to beat each other up meet in room 113 at 10:00, so how does he choose?

Also, personally I find Ron to be OOC. Why is he willing to do what he has? (ignore/keep secrets from Hermoine, torture Malfoy, think cunningly, actually get off his ass and study to be better, not play chess 24/7 etc.) Some explaination here might be nice and make the story even better.

And really my biggest problem is probably Ron beating Harry in a contest of raw magic. Harry has been training it longer, is said to be equal to Voldemort, and has driven off 100+ dementors at 13, yet Ronnikins can beat him in a contest of magic? Sorry it just seems farfetched.


Well I know after reading this it sounds as though I have lots of problems with the story, really I don't and I quite enjoy it, just some things you may want to keep in mind

 

i agree now that i read rothwoods comment. There are many unanswered questions that with all your originality seem to have been left out. You can cover your ass next chapter though, i guess it would only be hopeful thinking to think that you keep things from hermoine by killing her off on her summer vacation?

 

Duke of Rothwood - Hermione was not at HQ because she wanted to spend the summer with her family. Hermione's parents were not invited because if they stumbled on a secret then any witch or wizard could get it out of them. It is a liability to have muggles around

Kingsley told Harry the spells he used so Harry would have to look them up.

Harry has not yet felt the need for Occulemency yet but he will soon then he will learn it

The question about the fight club will be Harry and Ron's struggle how to keep it secret. They will fight to keep others from finding out. As for there methods for recruitment you'll see.

As for Ron he has changed. I find too many stories not devolving him they just keep him the same hungry idiot. Ron saw some pretty awful things that mad him hate the Death Eaters thus he works hard to get back at them. Ron really wants to get back at Voldermort for what he did.

Ah yes the raw magic duel. I did it for two reasons. One I want Ron and Harry to be just about equal in power. Also would you want to do something with someone if you never won? I know I wouldn’t. Harry lent a helping hand to give some encouragement

Killginny009 – Yes I guess it would be hopeful.

Thank you for the feedback. It helps me know what I am doing wrong and how to become a better writer. You guys rock!

 

Alright thanks for the response, I was unaware that Kingsley told Harry the exact spells used.

I also agree with most of what you said there, the one thing is that I cannot understand Ron and Harry being equal in magic. The way I see it is, Harry is supposed to be Voldemort's equal in everyway, they both had crappy lives, both did not know their parents, both speak parseltongue, and a bunch of other things. They are supposed to be equals in everyway, INCLUDING magical power.

Now, if Harry = Voldemort and Ron=Harry, then Ron=Voldemort.
Also, it is commonly accepted that Voldemort=Dumbledore. Now I can understand Harry=Voldemort or Harry=Dumbledore, but Ron=Dumbledore or Ron=Voldemort, that is quite the stretch.

Picture it another way, will Ron ever be able to beat (as Dumbledore did, pg 547 OotP) the Minister, 2 Aurors (1 of whom received all O's on the NEWTS) and the Senior Undersecretary at the same time, after telling them what he was going to do and while sitting down behind a desk by using a mere two spells. Sorry but Ron could never do that. I see him as being at most equal to Kinglsey in magical strength, not Voldemort or Dumbledore, and by extention, not Harry.

Ron (again in OotP) cannot even cast a patronous at 15/16 years of age, with no dementor around. He can manage only a wisp of silver light, Harry at 13, under extreme pressure (saw best friend get leg broken, told his parents were betrayed by a friend, godfather thrown in azkaban without a trial, running around trying to escape a werewolf, attacking a teacher), managed to drive off well over 100 of the dementors.

No sorry, but IMO, Ron wil never equal Harry in magical strength


EDIT: Ok a re-read your post and I can understand that Ron would not want to face someone that he lost to everytime, but that is still no reason to dramatically increase his power. However, you also said that Harry 'lent him a helping hand' now if this means Harry let him win. That makes more sense. But still earlier you have described some matches as being close, again, like stated above, I find it unlikely.
Also, as for Harry letting Ron win, yes it may let Ron gain an ego boost or two, but in the end, it would do both him and Harry harm. He will end up thinking he is equal to Harry, go face Voldemort, and to make a long story short, get slaughtered.
The downside for Harry is that if he never pushes himself, he will not know where his boundaries are, and like an instructor of mine has said 'what you do in training, you do in life' basically, if Harry gets used to giving in or not giving his all merely for the sake of Ron's ego, then he will not know how hard to push in a real battle, most certainly a bad thing when facing any inner circle DE or Voldemort.

To challenge him instead I would recommend sending him against an experienced Auror (Moody, Shacklebolt etc) or maybe two people at once (this would also train him for real battles in which he would rarely face merely one person).

Also, him loosing to Shacklebolt or Moody would be different than him loosing to Ron, they have far more experience with it, and in that case that would play more of a role than just power. Something that would be valuable for Harry to learn. However him loosing to a person inferior in both power and experience (both duelling experience and experience using the magic), is unrealistic.

So hope this helps and that you continue to post, doing good so far

 

Good Chapter, really interesting. I'm waiting for another to flesh out the idea's you have for the fight club with great interest.

As for the magic I always liked the idea that a Wizards power was not inate, but rather every wizard/witch began with a certain amount of power and as the wizard trained that power increased. This means that anybody who put the time and effort in could EVENTUALLY match somebody like Dumbledore or Voldemort after a long time of training. It makes Powerful people much more bearable as they have earned their power, so if it works like that in this story then I can understand Powerful!Ron!.

 

I have to agree with both Rothwood and a bit with Belgarion: Wizards may get stronger training but I think that each wizard should have the maximum strenght they can have. Like pureblods can get more powerfull than muggleborns but because the later tend to train more than they end up about even in power. But Belgarion should take in account that Harry is training for weeks longer than ron and problably has more natural power(can get stronger) than him too so it seems to me a bit far ferched that ron won a raw magic duel... unless he used some REALLY good strategy to win... but I dont think he has that amount of experience to do that yet.

 

I rather like this story but like with many others do I not like that Ron beat Harry in the raw magic duel.

While I dont belive that Ron is a weak wizard so has he never felt the need to train hard before that summer.

I am off the belief that wizards have a set max amount of power but how fast they get there depends on how much magic they use, how much they train and if they use spells that require a lot of power.

Now I have no problem with having Ron more powerful then most his age but he has not trained seriously for very long. Harry on the other hand trained hard to master the Patronus Charm in third year and he most likley learned a lot of spells as he was in the tournament in forth year.

It would have been better if Harry allowed Ron to win just that time to make Ron work harder later to beat him again, then would harry have too work harder to keep ron from beating him and both of them gain from that.

 

Guess you did have everything thought out, but Ron, no matter how much i love him, will never be as powerful as harry, maybe in hand to hand combat but i believe that harry just has stronger bloodlines, you always hear about how great the potters were at everything but you never hear about the weasleys being good at anything except cooking..

 

Rothwood says:Ron (again in OotP) cannot even cast a patronous at 15/16 years of age, with no dementor around. He can manage only a wisp of silver light, Harry at 13, under extreme pressure (saw best friend get leg broken, told his parents were betrayed by a friend, godfather thrown in azkaban without a trial, running around trying to escape a werewolf, attacking a teacher), managed to drive off well over 100 of the dementors.

I believe Lupin said in PoA that most grown wizards had trouble casting the Patronous, 15/16 isn't grown. I think Ron's real issue is self confidence he is the 6th of 7th kids, nothing he does hasn't been done by one of his brothers. As soon as ron gets confidence in himself that maybe he can stand out in his family than i think he can be fairly powerful. I also believe this is where people get Ron's jealous; wouldn't you be jealous if everything you do doesn't match up to your brothers? I know i would, i only have one brother and occasionally i am jealous of him..

 

Yes, but my point remains, Harry at 13, under great pressure and surrounded by dementors could cast it.
Ron at 15/16 with very little presure and no dementors around could not cast it. It is irrelevent that most grown wizards cannot cast it, the fact remains that Harry could do more with that spell (that must require great power if so few can cast it and even Lupin on the train cannot make it corperal) at 13, then Ron can do at 15/16. This right here is a major blow against Ron=Harry in power

 

The fact that Ron beating Harry makes you riled up is what I was going for. Right now Ron is just a little bit under Harry. However as the story progresses we will see who will give up more for power. I think wizards make there power by sacrificing for it. Whether the sacrifice be time or something else they make there own power. The most powerful will always be the one who wants it the most. Good genes has nothing to do with it.

 

I like the story so far, but the fast change of Ron disturbed me, sure he must change from the little whiney brat, but that fast from chess playing 24/7 to reading and studying 24/7???
No thats really disturbing.

Keep up the work, want to see more
Ner0

 

A life changing experience can really change a person..

 

i know i experienced that enough on me and by friends. But in a short time like this from 1 thing to the complete opposite, for that it needs something really disturbing.
From that I'd say he would be more quiet and for himself and especially not so jealous anymore and than with pressing from Hermione she could get him to learn that much.

 

Yeah but Hermione is a whore so she should die.

 

I'd say that having to hold someone’s guts in would be pretty disturbing. As for changing to fast well I changed to a completely different person in about one month. I don't think it's to far from the truth to change completely over the summer.

 

Ugh @ powerful Ron. I don't mind him working hard, becoming a decent duelist and being a good friend, but having Ron be as powerful as Harry is in raw magic is fucking idiotic. That's just hard to read.

Although, I gues if you ONLY make Harry and Ron that poweful in raw magic out of the students it will be alright, but if fucking Harry barely beat Ron in a contest of raw magic after doing it longer, you might as well let fucking Voldemort win, especially since you're making the Aurors so damn powerful that Harry seems really weak in comparison.

 

I've only read part of the first chapter and as cool as the idea is, the grammar needs work.

However, like they've said before me, fucking awesome. Harry's brutality is appealing.

 

here here. Powerfull Ron is okay as long as hes weaker than Harry. Cause hes the one that needs to kill Voldemort.