Title: The Greatest War
Author: The_Rarities
Rating: M
Genre: Gen
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: Harry/Ginny
Status: Work in Progress (about 70,000+ words)
Summary: James Potter survives Halloween 1981, and credits his deceased wife Lily for having banished Voldemort from the Wizarding World in order to protect Harry. In a world where Barty Crouch Senior is the Minister of Magic and Harry grows up not as famous but aware of the Wizarding World, a very different war is about to ensue in the upcoming years of Harry's education at Hogwarts.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44761108/chapters/112619308

Found this the other day. It’s excellent so far. The first couple chapter seem stick a tiny bit close to canon with some events, but the author goes completely original in the last 2 chapters. There’s no Voldemort going after the Philosopher’s Stone only to be stopped by three intrepid 11 year olds in this fic.

The kids are written pretty well considering how most of the fandom write the Slytherin students. There’s none of that Heir Malfoy nonsense. They are 11 year old, albeit racist 11 year olds, but that’s what you get when you have openly racist parents. Harry’s struggle to fit in with them rings true.

I wish it was longer. I’m going with 4/5 only because it’s still early and the shit is only just starting to hit the fan as of the latest chapter.

 

Good rec. I've just caught up and I've found it fairly enjoyable.

However, it has many weaknesses:
1. The first chapter was utterly mind numbing. I won't say it was boring, because it did include a significant amount of action, but I cannot say that I think it was at all a necessary component of the narrative.
2. The writing itself is somewhat sloppily edited.
3. The use of non-protagonist POVs to show behind-the-scenes action is... questionable. It thins the narrative focus in a way that I found rather unpleasant. If the author really needed the adult side of the conflict shown, they should have stuck with Dumbledore. It would have made Crouch a much more interesting character to experience later on for one, and it would have made me much less annoyed at James later on if I never had to skim through most of a chapter of his genuinely insipid POV. (Really, idk if the author intended for James to read as boring or not, but that's how it came off to me.)

Moreover, OP, I don't think you've necessarily done it any favours by putting it up for review so early into its run. Sure, it's got 70k words already, but about 10k of that is fluff (in the sense of useless stuffing to make the fic seem fat without the fic actually having content), and about 50% of the rest is filled with a rather gratuitous amount of schoolyard shenanigans. As far as I know, the story has only just hit its midpoint, which means I have very little to say about its actual plot, since there hasn't been much of it, and the weak exposition is tainting the fairly average buildup far too much for me to have high hopes for satisfying resolution. The story has also stuck rather fast to canon worldbuilding (for better or for worse), so there's nothing much to say about that either, beyond the fact that I'm ever so glad it didn't lean into the Pureblood Politics that much. (Tangentially related: The comment about Harry being sheltered and acting morally superior for slumming it with the socio-economically challenged students despite having grown up in an estate was well done.) The prose is passable, but the entire thing is sloppily edited in a way that makes me unsure if the author is a careful non-native speaker or just a native speaker with a particular disregard for punctuation. The occasional typos point towards the latter.

The highlight of the fic is in its characterisation. Harry feels genuine to me in a way that few Slytherin!Harrys do, and the rest of the school-aged cast are also very believable. Not only has the author managed to make me care about a Harry whose personality is so closely aligned to his canon counterpart, but I also feel like the children are actual children. The adults, too, are all treated meticulously fairly, with a potential exception in Snape (but then again, it's a bit difficult to align a realistic character with JKR's caricature-like depiction of canon Snape, so I'm feeling rather generous about this minor issue).

TLDR: Skip the first chapter, otherwise the fic is fairly promising. Highlight is the characterisation.

I'm voting 3/5, with a potential to increase to 4/5 if it ends up doing anything particularly inspired regarding plot and setting.

 

Thank you for this recommendation. I am enjoying it immensely.

Yes, the first chapter is a little weak, but outside of that, I find the story quite strong. Easily a 4/5.

You have all of the following:
- Great Harry characterisation that is both unique but canon-like.
- Children acting like children without being too annoying.
- A realistic Slytherin Harry.
- Great characterisations of the Gryffindors, and crossing house boundaries while feeling natural.
- Likely a powerful Harry with influence from the horcrux (as he is casting spells he shouldn't know).
- Absolutely no bashing. Good Dumbledore, good Ron.
- Not a canon rehash and a fast moving plot!

I'm digging the non-Harry POV scenes as they are giving the characters depth. Plus, I always love me some well-written Dumbledore.

This fic could become a 5/5 if it continues down this path with a refreshing plot and good characterizations. My guess is we are going to see a powerful and somewhat dark Harry at odds with his family and much of Slytherin by the end of this.

 

Solid 4/5 so far.

Not your typical AO3!Harry; this kid isn't a wimp. Like canon!Harry, he has cheek and stands up for himself. He even gets mad (at his dad), which reminds me, there haven't been any mention of "Slytherin masks" or exaggerated occlumency as of yet.

The school yard shenanigans are done well, in particular:
- the rivalry/feud with Malfoy
- Harry and the Gryffindors, including Ron and Hermione

Note that they act like kids, not mustache twirling political strategists.

All the while:
- this still feels like a Slytherin!Harry
- he isn't suddenly somehow still BFFs with Ron and Hermione, and no combination of Slytherin OCs/randoms outright replace them
- there's no "trio" as such, not yet anyway
- Harry is already "darker" than his canon-counterpart
- there are no training montages nor are there convenient compendiums laying about...those Black Family grimoires lol
- while Harry shows precocious spellcasting ability, there are no signs of mastery, i.e., you don't see him casting Sectumsempra at Snape as an 11 y/o

Also, this reminds me a bit of Shinysavage's Hallowed. There was mention of a tournament in one of the author's notes, which makes me wish for a time skip to Harry in year seven in the Triwizard Tournament...

 

This is probably the first HP fanfic where the children acting as children didn't irritate me.

I do have minor quibbles about some phrases / words being used and feeling out of place, but it's something I can overlook. And I have to say I enjoy many characters shown so far - a wonderful Dumbledore, one who's not written to play around and allow Snape his usual behavior.

On the one hand, the story doesn't just mindless play out the same beats as Harry's first year in PS, which is good. Some things though, could have been done much better. I feel like we definitely need more spotlight on James Potter.

4/5 definitely.

 

Wow, thanks for the recommendation. I haven’t enjoyed a fic like this in a long time. Great writing and characters.

 

I really like this one. The author captures the essence of Harry, Ron, Sirius, James, Dumbledore and Hermione quite well, even if a lot of the dialogue leaves something to be desired. The writing itself is serviceable if a bit clumsy, though it's improving with every chapter. I am also enjoying the direction the author is taking the story in. I'd say that it's a bit too early for me to tell whether or not this story should be considered library worthy, but I'd definitely recommend that anyone who likes a well thought out HP AU gives it a go.

TLDR: A strong 3/5 for now, great ideas and characterisation, held back by mediocre execution.

 

I lol’d at Draco’s ‘Mudblood-Who-Could.’ Liking it so far.

 

I enjoyed the first few chapters, Harry is done right and the dynamics of him in Slytherin are refreshing and new. I really liked that he's still hitting it up with Ron, and it felt right.

However the rest of the story doesn't hold. Especially the recent few chapters. The writing has gone from bland to terrible. Voldemort and Dumbledore specifically, arguably hard to write, are written very poorly. They're out of character, and some of the dialogue is straight up nonsense.

For example this bit of Dumbledore having "the talk" with Harry:

Spoiler: chapter 12

‘No,’ Dumbledore shook his head. ‘You need to quit playing the boy, Harry. The purpose of these lessons will be not only to find out Lord Voldemort’s true nature and the hidden answers to as why he was able to survive the killing curse; but also to prepare you in the upcoming battles against him. Because he will come after you again, Harry, and I refuse to leave you vulnerable to him. Especially if you have the power to fight back. He’ll never understand that Lily’s love is what saved you that night, but he will understand the only thing he knows best: power. And you have plenty of it. Do you understand?’

This is just so dumb. Why bring up the whole Love thing just to immediately contradict it in the same sentence? This is setting up Harry to become a powerful curse-swinging badass, ok, but even assuming this AU Dumbledore chooses to go that way, would he phrase it so awkwardly? I'd like to think not.

Or this little quip during battle:

Spoiler: chapter 9

‘It’s never too late to ask for help, Tom!’ Dumbledore cried out [...] ‘It looks to me like you desperately need it most!’

There're a lot more occurrences of sentences being awkward and making no sense. And eye-rolling mistakes in things that really shouldn't be made. It's Crabbe, not Crabbie. It's Mont Saint-Michel not Saint-Mont-Michel. Etc.

2/5 from me. The initial premise was old news but had a refreshing take on it. Feels like the Author is just vomiting the words on the pages and has no time to stop and think about it.

 

First to mention the writing, I find it pretty solid if not repetitive at times. Nothing to write home about, heh, but out there given the usual crap we have to read through. The biggest writing gripe I've got are POV's thoughts, which I understand can be a useful tool for some brief exposition as to where your PoV stands with the situations happening around them, but here they are mostly used to state the obvious.

This one, for instance, made me positively angry. Profanity, because why not, an obvious sentence that should be said through any medium other than italicized thought from Harry. And then another sentence that should be as obvious as first if it has any narrative importance and skipped altogether otherwise.

And then, because they use italics so often for thoughts you get random bolds for letters or whatnot which is funny, how the author cornered themselves. I mean if you don't believe your reader to know a difference between a letter and a thought, then, well.

Story-wise it's somewhat refreshing that the author is trying for something new, to have new mysteries intertwined with the unfamiliar relationships developing on the screen. The AU elements seemed thought about, and the characters are given their needed fleshing, with those kept canon - indeed canonly. I think the characters are the strongest point of this fic.

But for the plot itself, I feel this fic starts at the wrong point to give it the same momentum it has in the canon. There's so much new that's making the fic too wordy and dragging in the beginning, and somewhat stale in the middle. I think the good chunk should've been skipped, and implied throughout the latter chapters to give the work more dynamic tempo.

3/5