Thought we had a thread for this. Guess not. So. This:

But those that don't fit the WTF fic thread standard of being S&P territory. Made for the anony mouse author of that notsoprivate message.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4809498/1/Why_Dance_When_You_Can_Slay_The_Dragon
Title: Why Dance when you can Slay the Dragon
Rating: M
Summary: Harry Takes Hermione to the Yule Ball

Real Summary:
Harry stalks Cho and watches as Cedric asks her. Then (still magically on the first day) asks Hermione as a second choice, falls madly in love with her after a day or two, Has Dumbledore (thankfully NOT called "dumbles") try to dose Harry with a love potion for Ginny, escapes to America where the headmaster there (Mr. No I Am Not Dumbledore, but I can dissaparate inside of Hogwarts with a cool smoke effect and I carry a sword) protects them and guides them to kill Voldemort with a mixture of magic and muggle technology.


-3/5 -- Bad writing, Bad grammar, and Bad plot. However, if you are looking for a story to read quickly while making fun of the author.... go for it.

 

Harry And Daphne » reviews
After surviving the killer curse, Harry Potter is taken by his mother's sister, Bellatrix Black...Strong, independent Harry. Pairings: Harry/Daphne/Fleur Maybe , Draco/Tracey, Blaise/Susan, Warning:Weasley Bashing
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 38,555 - Reviews: 266 - Updated: 4-1-11 - Published: 2-5-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6717636/1/Harry_And_Daphne


Real Summary:
For some inexplicable reason Harry is adopted by Lilly's sister, Bellatrix Black. Harry is the perfect Black, incredibly rich, a prodigy in everything, the author actually used a line with something to the degree of: "I can already tell that he is going to be more powerful than Dumbledore and Voldemort COMBINED." We've got the usual cliches: all-powerful, uber rich!Harry, Sword Fighting!Harry, friends with his "cousin" Draco, etc. Pretty much the author has tried to write an "AU" where all the characters in the story are flipped: Draco is a rich Ron (did I mention that the Malfoys and Blacks have always traditionally been neutral?), Blaise is a male Hermoine, and Ron is a poor Malfoy (which isn't a stretch), but the real kicker is Daphne. She is the biggest piece of shit I've ever read; in the first 3 chapters alone all she dies is cry and obsess about Harry; adjectives used to describe her include "beautiful blonde hair" "piercing blue eyes" and "her famous icy expression." There's pretty much a marriage contract by the end of the written chapters.

Oh, I also forgot to mention Harry's "I hate muggle lovers like Dumbledore but enjoy muggle fashion, sport, and electronics" belief.

So why did I read this? I'm an insomniac first of all and I simply couldn't sleep, besides that, however, I found it so bad that I couldn't help but see how the shit-storm would continue; I also enjoyed trying to persuade this author to stop writing with a review of each chapter, this author also writes the H/Fleur story: "Unspeakable Potter."

 

Ginny Weasley: Supervixen » reviews
"What happens when you cross Ginny Weasley with the death of Harry, unwanted fame, a tyrannic Voldemort, and the betrayal of her best friend? You get a very pissed off Ginny, with an agenda for revenge. Since I can't post lyrics in the actual story, if you"

This one was already dumped in the DLP Trash Bin (which is a different entity from the Recycling Bin). And I already put it in the "awesomely bad fanfics" thread, but here is probably better.

It's a shameless Ginny-sue fic, with Ginny going on a Kill Bill-esque rampage after emerging from her coma.

Here's the thing: in terms of writing mechanics, the author is...well, not all that bad, really. That's probably why I didn't close the story immediately. But the content of the fic? My God. It's almost the sort of thing that I could see some DLPers writing as a parody, and then quietly disassociating their name from it. But the frightening thing is, I don't think this is a parody.

 

You know, I could actually be interested in an actual (well written) Ginny Kill Bill rampage. Or of another character. A tale of revenge with plenty of awesome fights about one of the side-characters could actually be pretty interesting. Possibly some sort of "after the war" thing. Maybe one of the Patil twins is getting revenge for her sister or Pansy has some business to settle with her former allies.

 

Obviously some events in Canon need to be changed around but...

Tonks is getting married to Remus when Billius Croaker (had no first name in the series) walks in with a team of Unspeakables and they start slinging Cutting curses. Billius apparently had a relationship with her earlier on in her career when she was more concerned with getting ahead than being romantic, and since she was an Unspeakable, she never mentioned it to Remus.

When the dust settles Remus dies and Tonks is assumed to be dead but under the guise of Moody, who is the first on the scene, she is placed in St. Mungo's Hospital. Years later, once the war is over, she escapes from St. Mungo's and decides a most delicious revenge is in order.

She. Will. Kill. Bill.

*while murdering hundreds of nameless lackeys* "IF ANY OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES HAS ANYTHING TO SAY, NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME!!!

/fanfiction

 

LOL its so utterly horrifying that I thought of this, and it ashames me so, but I must share it as it made me lulz:

Billius. Know what that name reminds me of? Ronald Billius Weasley and his hate for that name. And we know he is a shallow, self-centered dick at the best of times early on...

Soooo. What if, having nursed a crush on Tonks through the course of the first part of book five and six, he gets irate at having a girl like Tonks chose a flippin werewolf over him. Attempts to off Remus for the sheer injustice of it, kills him, but Tonks walks in on it. In his incompetence, thinks he kills her too, but ends up just knocking her into a coma and running off, no one thinks anything of it since Death Eaters.

Voldemort dies, queue celebration, Tonks wakes up... Harry and Ron in a place of comfort in the Aurors department...

Yeaaa. Not nearly as good as Averis', but still made me lulz.

 

Meh, personally wouldn't be interested unless Harry had a fairly significant role.

A strict transposition of Kill Bill's plot with Tonks as "The Bride" would be boring, methinks: some innovation would be good, perhaps a twist or two.

 

maybe everyone thinks she's out for blood against the Weasleys after Ron "Billius" confessed his part, but it ends up being a feud against William "Bill" Weasley? Or the other way around.
And of course, Tonks vs Fleur with Tonks winning in the end, killing Fleur... in front of little Victorie. Cue sequel with grown up Victorie hunting for Tonks.

 

Story Title: Harry Potter and the Summoners Stone
Rating: T
Author: Lochar
Completion: COMPLETE (sequel is up)
FFN ID: 7092183
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7092183/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Summoners_Stone
Summary:A simple question from Harry during his vault visit in book 1 changes his life, as Harry accesses a family vault. And a stone there that will change his life, even more than finding out he is a wizard did.

Real Summary: So its Harry Potter meets Final Fantasy, with Harry finding a mythril armband that happens to hold the Shiva summoning materia. Writing is stilted and bad, grammar is painful at times and the plot is a simple rehash of canon-- if Harry had this at times awesomely powerful goddess, and at times strangely week casting focus. Not really Super!Harry, but not really realisticpower!harry either. I have found it hovers on that car wreck badness that I must keep reading just to see if it can possibly get worse. The only real thing it has going for it is the absolute refusal by the author to do slash.

EDIT: Link added. Can't believe I forgot that.

 

Hell, if you want horribad skip back to my previous stories. Summoner's Stone is head, shoulders, and torso above those. Clay/Stone Pinions I literally was making a checklist from books 1 and 2 about what I needed to do.

I started with canon, and ripple effects take time to blow things up. It wasn't like Harry is old enough in first and second year to blow off everyone, even with Shiva.

FFS, you people don't like it when stories hit Super!Harry tropes, and I was purposely trying to place limits on him. He overcomes any focus issues by the end of first year, and then beats the shit out of a diadem possessed Lockhart and then the basilisk in the middle of second year. *shrug*

Thanks for at least reviewing and letting me know how you really feel.

 

I accept criticism, just be nice to know I'm being criticized. Like I said, actually leave a damn review or get in contact with me if you think it's that bad.

Hell, the first 15 chapters were written and posted without a beta in under a month. I know there's going to be issues with that. Let me know if it's better or worse past chapter 20ish, and into the sequel.

 

The major problem is that the plot itself is just inherently bad. Harry finds Shiva? From Final Fantasy VII? Come on, bro. What the truly-horrendous-shit phase is supposed to teach you, more than anything, is how to judge your ideas so that you know when to write them and when not to. Five years between Clay Pinions and this story should be more than enough time for that.

 

There's actually an entire backstory in my head on the why. Getting Harry to claim the Throne of Bahamut is the entire point of Summoner's Stone. The second story is going to deal with the world of magic that Shiva and the others come from.

And to be concise, it's not a particular Final Fantasy game I'm drawing from.

 

I dropped by a review on FFNet:

 

I can fix that, and thanks for the review. I can meander all over a page if I'm not careful, so I usually go too far in keeping things concise. I can see what you mean that Harry's reaction was too mundane over this. I definately need to put him in 'eyes filled with wonder' mode better.

 

Not just that, but creating a strong impression for Shiva. I spend a lot of time on first impressions of important characters - it's often better to establish them immediately, instead of writing them as cardboard cuttouts first and then upgrading them into real characters later. That and having Harry in eyes-filled-with-wonder-mode are not quite the same thing.

I went to some chapters past chapter 20 to comment on the writing, but then I noticed something else. There's some really ridiculous, hyper-exaggerated scenes like this one that you should probably get out of the habit of writing:

If you're not writing a crack story, don't write these scenes.

 

I'll work on both then. I'm working with my beta currently to plot out timelines at the moment, as pretty much the entire framework of canon is thoroughly shot now anyways, and getting from A to B is much more difficult.