This is rather misleading.

 

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that is often poked before?

Spoiler

A key

 

...Is it just me or does Zombie seem to have a cock obsession?

 

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

 

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

You're about as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

 

Fucken LOL at the last one.

 

Meh -_-

I don't remember where I read this one before but,

Q:
Why did the Hispanic girl get pregnant?

A:
Because her teacher told her to go do an essay. :awesome

 

“And after I held you down and soaped you up this morning too!” Asuka cried out before realizing that perhaps that was too much information.

Shinji managed to clamp down on his nose in time but Toji suffered an explosive nosebleed and promptly collapsed.

“Toji!” Hikari cries out while rushing to her fallen boyfriend, Kaji moving to administer first aid to the overwhelmed teenager.

Blushing bright red, Asuka says, “It’s not like it sounds! It was at one of the school showers and we were wearing our bathing suits!”

Cocking her head to the side, Rei says, “You were wearing your bathing suit, I was quite naked when you pinned me beneath the shower and began scrubbing.”

“They didn’t need to know that!” Asuka shrieked while turning a brilliant vermillion colour.

“You were quite insistent in fact. I am in fact wondering if… what is the phrase? Ah yes. If ‘I am still suitable for marriage’,” Rei replies.

Asuka was at this point somewhere between burgundy and maroon, and she screamed out, “IT DID NOT HAPPEN AT ALL LIKE THAT!”

“Do you deny saying, ‘Every inch of your body is getting a good hard soaping!’ after I protested your insistence that I bathe before we went shopping?” Rei asked.

“Uh…” Asuka replied, trying to come up with an appropriate response.

Fortunately at that point Kaji interrupted by shouting out, “Toji’s lost a lot of blood! He’s going into shock! Quick, call an ambulance!”

- Thousand Shinji - Academia Nut - Read it bitches!




Tell a conquered man he has a new master, and he'll shrug. Tell him his new master wants a fifth of his annual income, and he'll go and find his pitchfork.
- Warmaster Horus of the Imperium of Man


Morituri Nolumus Mori - We who are about to die, don't want to.
- Rincewind the Wizzard


“If we let things like ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ get in the way, then the terrorists have already won,” Sirius sagely argued. Harry got the distinct feeling Sirius wasn’t the most skilled debater.


"Before I kill you I wanted to let you know that your mom and sister both said thanks for last night."


"It will be a cold day in Hell when I willingly charge into battle backed up by Donald Duck and Goofy!" Me regarding KH2


Baldrick: We're not at home to Mr Cock-up.


Wash: I think this landing's going to get pretty interesting!
Malcome: Define interesting
Wash: Oh god, oh god, we're all going to die?


Teach a man to make a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life. -Terry Pratchett


"As I lay in bed last night, looking up at the stars and the moon, I thought to myself, 'Where the hell is my ceiling?'"

 

Quotes belond in the quote thread. I know the search function is obtuse at best, but at least try.

EDIT: First post? Here? In the wrong thread? Lurk more.

 

He'd have to have lurked for several years to notice we had a quotes thread, since I think the last post in there is from late 06. -_-

Also, if he'd posted there, what do you think the reaction would be? Oh, that's right, something like: "LURK MOAR, and stop necroing."

 

No. Get the fuck out of here with your anime bullshit.

Edit: I find it funny that my spell checker doesn't know the word 'anime'. It's going to stay that way too.

 

LOL at the Brazilian joke. I've already used it a couple of times, and it's a big hit.

 

Fuck, too late.