1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. DLP Writing Competition
    Topic - Master and Apprentice (or Mentor and Protege!)

    Click here for more info!
    Don't miss the due date this time Guest - it's March 13th!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Oneshot The last dinosaur’s roar by IP82 - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ip82, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Title: The last dinosaur’s roar
    Author: IP82 (me)
    Genre: Drama/Angst
    DLP Category: Time Travel Fics
    Pairing: None
    Words: 11,070
    Published: June 31, 2007

    Status: One shot
    Rating: M
    Link: PostDH. ONESHOT. Harry sets himself on one last desperate quest to prevent the apocalyptic future. But will he have the guts to do what needs to be done, for the greater good? Dark!Harry

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3693508/1/The_last_dinosaurs_roar

    A post-DH one shot I've been writing for the past few days. Could be a start of a real story, which I don't intend to write.

    It's un-beta'd at this point, so if someone is willing to give it a once-over, send me a PM.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 28, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2012
  2. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2006
    Messages:
    1,181
    Location:
    Buffalo Grove, Il. (Suburban Chicago)
    Very good; I like this unique visage of the post-apocalyptic world you've created. I'm about midway through, and I haven't really found anything that Iv='ve had trouble following. Typos and grammatical errors are there, but not too much of a problem.
     
  3. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    Holy crap.
    I love yo... this story. Spelling errors be damned, this has such a great plot and an excellent work of fanfiction. 5/5

    *I am saddened that there is no dinosaurs.*
     
  4. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,462
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle
    Ya it is a great start to what should be a great story. I like how the tables have turned, and Harry is the one doing everything for the greater good, even if Dumbledore will never know it.

    There weren't any glaring mistakes, and it flowed nicely. Great attitude and mindset for Harry, and I can't wait to see the Dinamic Duo in action.

    If you need a beta, I would be happy to help out.
     
  5. malaga

    malaga Auror

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    639
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I don't know about turning it into a real story. If you did that you'd have to work out a plot, and whether Harry would be discovered. I think I prefer it like this, hinting rather than explicitly stating anything.

    *I also, was disappointed with the lack of dinosaurs*
     
  6. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    I agree that this story is best left as one-shot. But if someone else is interested in writing more chapters, I won't stop them.

    BTW, ZannyMuggle has agreed to beta it, so I'll soon post an improved version.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2007
  7. griselda

    griselda First Year

    Joined:
    May 22, 2006
    Messages:
    42
    It's a very intriguing plot-line. I'm not sure whether it should be continued or left as a one-shot. I think both could work quite well.

    The first person monologue was a bit awkward and/or too long-winded at times. Especially in the middle. Random example:

    The style is that of a preacher rather than spontaneous thoughts. It works well to describe Harry's frame of mind, as he is kind of preaching to himself. But it's a bit overdone imo. There are too many of those big and impressive metaphors of doom and destruction for first person pov. Maybe it could be balanced with some stream-of-consciousness in a different inner voice.
     
  8. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    I tried a few lines of sarcastic happy-go-lucky narration, but it didn't work well for me. This Harry is simply too angsty and dark for that style.

    Although, I could have eased off with continuous sentences. I figured that would leave an impression of someone's train of thoughts, instead of a planned essay. I guess I was wrong.
     
  9. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2006
    Messages:
    652
    Location:
    Terra Atlantus
    All in all I thought it was ok. I wouldn't try to turn it into a full story with the plot as-is though. It made for a decent one-shot, but it would take some serious modification, imo, to make a full story out of it.

    3/5
     
  10. Element

    Element Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2006
    Messages:
    257
    Location:
    England.
    Fantastic IP, as always. I'm stunned by the 3/5 given above - you must have remarkably high standards, KenderCleric. I'm glad you plan to keep it as a one-shot (barring others wanting to write more chapters) as it works extremely well as a one-shot. The premise and concept are wonderful, and the execution is superb. A truly original idea written brilliantly.
    5/5, no hesitation.
     
  11. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,325
    Location:
    日本福井県若狭町
    Absolutely awesome fic, IP! Now I'm going to check out your other fics.

    5/5
     
  12. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,958
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    I liked it, save for poor poor Ariana. :(

    A(riana)F(an)C(lub) all the way!

    4/5. Great atmosphere, and interesting. And the minor spelling/grammar wasnt distracting.
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,789
    Location:
    California
    Very well written and nice plot behind it. I really liked this story. 5/5 for me.

    Richard.
     
  14. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Messages:
    10
    Location:
    Canada
    High Score:
    1,907
    I also loved this nice oneshot, I'd very much like to see more. Hell, I'd even like to add to whatever comes next.

    5/5
     
  15. Xanatos

    Xanatos Professor

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    470
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Keep it as a one-shot, its amazing how it is and I feel you've done enough with this, its nice to leave the reader wandering if it will all work out.

    5/5 no doubt, well done.
     
  16. Vengashii

    Vengashii Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    709
    Amazing one shot. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing it continued in the same vein.

    One minor suggestion, though, would be changing Satanhunters to Devilhunters. Devilhunters flows better.

    4/5
     
  17. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Location:
    The Other Surrey
    As a member of the AFC I must call you a bastard for what you did to our beloved figurehead.

    But hot damn... that was good.

    This should have been the epilogue of DH. That would have made the series utterly epic.

    Good work

    +Rep
     
  18. Vengashii

    Vengashii Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    709
    The Pope would have excommunicated her and declared her the devil if she did that rofl
     
  19. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Location:
    The Other Surrey
    Is she catholic? Can they excomunicate her then... or would it even matter?

    She's practicly the mother of witchcraft in the eyes of alot of people because of the series... Don't even get me started on some of my more nuttyer religious friends.

    But this does bring up something I wouldn't mind getting addressed.

    How did the Church gain so much power in the story?

    I mean, to be able to legally hunt people down and murder families seems like quite the leap from bake sales and angrily worded letters to congress about gay rights.

    I'm not saying there aren't ways for it to be done... fictionally speaking. I'm just curious as you've already said you planned to keep this a one shot... how did you see this happening?

    Obviously I'm addressing IP82...
     
  20. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Well, it's already happening right now. Look at the whole Islamic terrorism thing, Darwin getting banned from schools, fundamentalism getting back in trend everywhere. I just extrapolated this to 20 years into the future and thrown in the discovery of something that looks like the power of God (plus a group of people that are 'misusing' that power).

    Fear + paranoia would add to the grip on the government Church already had by that point, increasing its power until it was strong enough to pass laws giving itself formal power (the same way laws limiting various freedoms were passed on the wave of the fear of terrorism).

    And then, add to that short and brutal religion-powered war against the magical world and I can see how some sort of religious government could be given the absolute power 'until the current crises passes' (which it never does - like in Soviet Union).

    The ways for any such body to gain power are well known from history: fear + paranoia make people give up their freedom to some higher body, which then misuses that power for its own purposes. It happened before. It'll happening now. It'll happen in the future. Just the way world works.
     
Loading...