WIP The Legacy Preservation Act by James Spookie - M

darkklight · Oct 15, 2015

I agree with most of the reviews. Personally, I just couldn't get over the idea that people with magical powers and/or political power could be forced to marry someone against their will.

Richard · Oct 17, 2015

Have to agree with most of the reviews. Basically just a GP (guilty pleasure) fic with a ton of bad cliches. I did however think Tracey having "word vomit" as funny as shit. I don't see many fics of her like that.

Edit: 2/5 from me, even though I did enjoy the fic myself, it just don't belong here.

MoltenCheese · Oct 18, 2015

I remember reading this story a year ago, back then when I had extremely crappy tastes in fanfiction. Even at that low point of my life, this story was bad enough for me to rage quit after chapter eleven.

The writing is technically strong, and there aren't any major grammatical errors as far as I can see. However, there are too many negatives in this story for me to enjoy it.

The story is infested with cliches and cringe-worthy situations, and even if you are able to ignore them somehow, you will still struggle with reading it because of the bad character development and unrealistic plot that gets worse and worse.

But what really made me rage was Daphne.

Until chapter nine or so, I was okay with Daphne's characterization. She wasn't well-written, but she wasn't terrible either - just average. But then, in chapter ten, the author dropped a bomb by making her a girl version of manipulative, "Greater Good" Dumbledore. Basically, she planned to manipulate Harry and mold him into her puppet politician so that he would push her political agendas with his fame. And she doesn't understand why what she's doing is wrong either. I’ll just go ahead and post two excerpts from Chapter 10.

"I knew when I first came up with it that I was young, and knew next to nothing about how politics worked. So the first thing I knew I had to do was to learn all about the political world. It's a quest I'm still on. I've read dozens of books, but they don't tell you everything. I know that from listening to my father talk with his acquaintances. I realized that I needed a plan that could evolve as I learned more, and as I accomplished steps. My goals would remain constant, but I was going to need to become more flexible in my methods. I also realized that I needed to find the right person that I could mold into the perfect puppet politician."

Daphne said the last part as if it was vinegar in her mouth.

"Hmph." Ron grunted, his arms folded across his chest, his main course sitting completely ignore in front of him. None of them had realized that Dobby had brought their meals in the last ten minutes.

Daphne ignored Ron's grunt of displeasure and pressed on. "I needed someone malleable. Someone I could easily guide to my way of thinking, and make them believe that they were the one who came up with the proposals and bills. I needed someone I could help to build political alliances that would benefit my agenda. Someone who would do whatever I wanted them to do in order to see those bills became law, even if it meant donating gold, or special favors, even becoming Minister of Magic if that's what it took."

"You wanted your own Lucius Malfoy." Ron sneered disgustedly. Daphne just returned his glower.

"The plan was originally to begin building my alliances this year." Daphne continued, ignoring Ron's remark. "I intended to date a few boys whom I felt fit the requirements for what I had in mind. At the same time, building relationships with those I knew would one day sit on the court, or had aspirations for high offices. Next year, I would narrow down my prospects for my husband after we got our OWL results. I could start grooming my potential husbands into more suitable…" Daphne struggled here, trying to find a good term.

"Pawns." Hermione said with disgust. Daphne shrugged.

"When we graduated, I hoped to have secured a proposal and that my future husband would be ready to entering enter the law with my encouragement. I would likely be working with my father and learning the family business, at the same time continuing to build allegiances in the social circles. After a few years I thought that I would be able to steer my husband into politics. Something low level, but with influence, while preparing him to petition the Wizengamot for a seat if his family didn't have one already. By this time we'd be married, and have our first child, with maybe a second on the way. We'd be the ideal family for everyone to aspire to be like."

Daphne looked around at everyone who were just staring at her as if she'd smacked them all with live fish and then began juggling or something equally ridiculous.

"But then the Ministry announced the Legacy Preservation act," Daphne continued. "And I saw it as an opportunity to get a jumpstart on my plan. I could bypass two or three years' worth of drama and despair by landing a husband through the help of the very establishment I meant to change. Instead, I could now focus all my efforts on grooming my future husband, and preparing him to help me change the world. I meant to establish a bond, and learn all the ways I could influence him and sway his mindset to better match to my own thinking. I was also preparing myself to do whatever I had to do in order to…'

"Manipulate me?" Harry asked, his voice low and cool. He looked up at her and something in his eyes struck her almost as hard as his stunner had. Harry balled up his napkin and tossed it onto his plate as he got up from his seat. He took a few steps away from the table and stared out the window, his fists balled tightly at his sides.

Daphne shook her head and sighed. "I really hate that word, you know."
Click to expand...

"Exactly what is it you were planning on doing to control me?" He asked in a low tone.

"I wasn't going to control you!" Daphne argued uselessly. "I wasn't going to manipulate you. I was…"

"That's exactly what you were planning to do." Hermione pointed out, sounding disappointed. "Everything you just told us was how you intended to manipulate your future husband into presenting your ideas before the Wizengamot. As noble as your plan is, it's still just…"

"I know exactly what it is, thank you very much!" Daphne hissed. "And to answer your question Harry, I hadn't really figured it out. Why do you think I've been trying so gods damned hard to get you to open up to me? You're locked up tighter than a Gringott's vault. I was trying to figure out what was important to you so I could use that. And I was…"

"Well I guess you managed that, didn't you?" Harry snorted with disgust. "You got a lot out of me this past week didn't you? And I thought we were trying to… to… Gods I don't even know what was happening now. Was anything you told me even true?"

"YES!" Daphne shouted, appalled at the accusation. "I never lied to you Harry. I just didn't tell you everything. And it isn't as if you've been entirely forthcoming with me is it? I know you haven't told me everything. You didn't tell me about your house elf, or how it is your name got in the Goblet of Fire last year, or even how you're so quick with your wand."

Harry shook his head and gave a groan of annoyance as he looked at her. "All that talk about being united and looking happy together…"

"Was partially true." Daphne stated. "The happier we looked, the less people would poke their noses into our business. But I also needed to train you so that all those things would become second nature so when we went to functions, you'd do them automatically. It would make people take notice of how you respected me and it would make us look stronger together, and make people take more notice of you."

"And what if I hadn't opened up? What if I hadn't told you anything?" Harry asked.
"I don't know.' Daphne said honestly. "I hadn't thought about that because I was… I was trying to…"

Daphne swallowed hard here, and her cheeks began to turn pink as she stared at the table, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"I was trying to prepare myself to become physical with you." She whispered.

"What?' Harry asked. Daphne couldn't make herself repeat it, but Harry had heard her.

"You… you were going to manipulate Harry with sex?" Hermione said aghast. Apparently she had heard Daphne as well.

"Daphne?" Tracey asked sounding truly horrified. "You… you weren't really going to…"

"I was going to do whatever I had to do!" Daphne snapped.

"Alright." Harry sighed heavily as he gripped the chair tighter. "I just… I just need to see if I have this straight. Your big plan for changing the world was to basically brainwash some poor… Well, me actually, into doing your bidding by any means necessary including… s-sex?"

Daphne didn't say anything, nor did she make any move to signify that he was correct.

"I just, I can't even wrap my brain around this." Harry said. "What about having a family? What about our kids? Did you factor them into this big plan of yours?"

"Of course I was going to have a family." Daphne said evenly, her eyes narrowed. "I couldn't have anything that would detract from my husband's reputation, and if he didn't have any children, then people might begin to question his virility and might not see him the same. I needed someone who…"

"Hold on!" Neville said looking thunderstruck. "So you would have children just so this husband of yours appeared strong?"

Daphne nodded again, and Neville looked horror-struck.

"So, more tools in you political arsenal?" Harry said loathingly. "Just more tools for you to use, I suppose? A decoration for any photo opportunities?"

"NO!" Daphne said quickly. "I would love my children. It's why I had planned on hiring the very best nanny to…"

"You weren't going to raise your own kids?" Tracey asked appalled, having never heard this part of the plan before. "Why even bother having kids in the first place?"

"I was going to be far too busy with everything else." Daphne said as if it explained everything. "I wasn't just going to be sitting at home. I'll have father's business to run, and all the other wives and important people who needed to be convinced to…"

"But they're your children!" Tracey stated, still bewildered. "Merlin Daph! Have you completely… what's going on in that head of yours?"
Click to expand...

How delusional and moronic can a character get? What’s even more infuriating is that, in the next chapter, Harry forgives her and they get together again, for no reason at all! It’s as if the author didn’t think through what he was doing, couldn’t come up with a good way to get himself out of the hole he put himself in, went "oh crap," and used his super author powers to make everything okay with no logical explanation. Damn, now I'm raging again because of this fic. I'm out.

1.5, rounded down to a 1. I'm normally okay with romance stories, but this one just rubs me the wrong way too many times.

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

WIP The Legacy Preservation Act by James Spookie - M

darkklight Squib

Richard Supreme Mugwump

MoltenCheese Seventh Year

WIP An Essence of Silver and Steel by James D. Fawkes - M - Worm/FSN

WIP The Legacy Preservation Act by James Spookie - M

WIP If I Die Young by Annie Lockwood - M

Dead Link Legacy of the Toad Sage by Persnikitty - M - Naruto

Melody of Death by Zero's Legacy - M

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

WIP The Legacy Preservation Act by James Spookie - M

darkklight Squib

Richard Supreme Mugwump

MoltenCheese Seventh Year

WIP An Essence of Silver and Steel by James D. Fawkes - M - Worm/FSN

WIP The Legacy Preservation Act by James Spookie - M

WIP If I Die Young by Annie Lockwood - M

Dead Link Legacy of the Toad Sage by Persnikitty - M - Naruto

Melody of Death by Zero's Legacy - M

Useful Searches