Thanks for the commentary both what you liked and what you didn't. Some have liked what I've done with the characters and others haven't. I will defend myself by saying that HJ was intentionally distancing himself from everyone and not really giving a crap about what the children think. Now with the immediate death threat against him dealt with, HJ may relax and "rejoin the world" so to speak interacting with many more characters.

I actually held myself back with further involving Ollie and Penny in the story otherwise they would have just appeared to be older more experienced versions of Ron and Hermione, if you know what I mean. Still, I thought in the brief scene he appeared in Sirius was given a decent treatment.

I just posted chapter 10 and Hermione, Fleur and to a lesser extent the rest of the champions get more development.

Jim

 

I thoroughly enjoyed the broom race, I thought it was very well written. However I think you thawed out Aimee too quickly. Just because Harry did well on a broom she changed her opinion of him immediately, even going so far as to reveal par of Fleur's nature. That just seemed a tad forced to me.

As far as the other interactions, I like the way you went with Krum and Hermione. Though, that being said, how are you going to take the Krum/Hermione interaction? Not at all? Or possibly an embarrassing library scene where Hermione makes mention of the fact that it's ok for him to apparently hit on little girls but not compete with little boys? Cedric on the other hand I'm slightly worried about. One of the few characters J.K.R. fleshed out well for his role was Cedric. She gave us glimpses of the boy that we liked while not making us like him too much that when he died we'd be disappointed (Sirius anyone else?). I think you're running the risk of doing that at the moment if you plan to stick to canon. Although from what's occurred so far, that is obviously not your intent.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter, glad to see the muse finally hit. Now... maybe some TML?

 

I must admit i was a tad disappointed with the broom race. Not the race itself, but rather the ending. Krum having gotten away with "it" just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe that is just me, but it is annoying.

The second thing i find curious is the mention of staffs, do you intend to let them fight it out with staves or do they cast through them?
If it is the former, then i doubt how it fits into the wizarding world, but that is something you can probably explain in one of the next chapters.

 

I liked most of the characterization in this chapter--Krum continues to become the person that we love to hate, Aimee shows some respect to the young Potter, Manos has a Super!Family member, Hermione gets a few points, Ron's still an asshole and Diggory takes much the same path that JKR's took.

I also liked the elder Turpin/Pucey situation, just as a nice subplot.

The only thing I didn't like (and surprisingly, I might add) was Fleur. It just seems a little whack that a Veela decides to bathe naked in the Forbidden forest. As if that's not bad enough, she speaks to Harry without the apparent assumption that someone who gets through her privacy wards may be an Animagus.

Of course, it can't be all bad, as it's a naked blonde woman, but it just seemed like the weakpoint of the chapter.

I liked the Broom Race (and the fact that Harry lost it) as well as the new tasks, which have me intrigued.

Good shit, Jbern

 

I too liked this chapter, it was good all around. HJ not being God of Broomery was good; I liked the added element of broomsticks being used for something other than Quidditch, which is kinda unique. I love that kind of background clutter that really makes the story seem part of a larger world - it is a missing element from canon, I feel.

From what I can surmise from canon, the presence of an Animagus wouldn't be something that's expected. It's pretty damn rare, with only a few wizards managing it every generation! An unknown magical creature would be a more likely happenstance, I think. Though Fleur's still pretty stupid for doing it, I also think that's part of her character. canonFleur at the Weasley residence is practically humping Harry's leg in excitement that he likes her and doesn't go ga-ga over her.

Anyway, keep up the great work, jbern.

-Kevin

 

Man, I just knew he would lose the race. Seems only fair to balace out the massacre there will probably happen in the dueling contest.
As to my thoughts about staff-fighting... it`s kinda too muggle-ish for my tastes. Isn`t Triwizard tournament all about magical disciplines? Unless, of cource, staff-fighting is some sort of pureblood tradition in your fic.
Gods, I`m giddy to see Fleur`s reaction to HJ`s dueling abilities. No, scratch that, the look on Krum`s face...
P.S. Skimmed through Russian translation of BitJ. Seems like high quality stuff. Gotta keep in mind that I haven`t read a full paragraph in Russian for two years though.

 

Fair defense, although the chapters in which HJ distanced himself were two, maybe three. Plus, the 'childish' behaviour of the Gryffindors can actually be considered part of the characterization, and I found it somewhat lacking.

I hope so, and there was a step in the right direction in the last chapter. You created a good starting point for what concerns Fleur (her interaction with HJ's Animagus form... I liked that), and another for Hermione who was definitely in character considering JKR books... but maybe too much. I mean... first she's 'bookwormish', then she's righteous, then she's bossy, then she's a know-it-all, and finally she's curious/worried and wants to know what is it that Harry is keeping from her. Like I said, maybe a little too canon.

This is very wise. Good thinking.

Indeed decent, but too brief, as was MrWeasley's scene (Ginny's birthday). I liked him very much, but again, too little to judge well.

The broom race was odd, but I'm sure it seemed so to me because I had to search some English terms in the vocabulary and that sort of broke the flow.

I don't know what to make of the Puzzle Room yet. It seemed a little cliché maybe, with the four elements and all. But I'm sure it will be original.

Good luck with the next chapter.

Bye.

 

I can confirm that Russian translation is of very good quality. I'm enjoying re-reading Bungle in Russian actually.

I hope Harry will dominate dueling with wands, otherwise he will be in deep shit with Voldemort.

 

Personally, I liked how the Broom Race ended.

It showed that Krum will do anything to win, even if it means rigging the sport by having everyone from Slythern/ Durmstrang blocking the view.

Harry losing shows us it all sunshine and rainbows. Gives us a real in-depth view of the characters, something J.K really neglected.

Hell, we've probably seen more character development with Krum in one chapter than J.K managed in her last 4 book's.

Amusing portrayal of the Hat and Dobby.

Keep up the awesome work!

Regards
SA

PS: Lovely surprise at 5:30 am to see a new chapter *Evil cackle*

 

I thought that it was realistic that Harry didn't come in first place in the broom race. I'm strongly feeling that Harry will do much better in the second task, which will make his victories all the sweeter.

 

I liked the way HJ lost the broom race, too. Krum doesn't mind using underhanded tactics, and HJ should have been on the lookout for them, even if his painfully throbbing hand was a distraction.

I like the way you've used Hermione's character here, too. Sure, she's bookish, but not overwhelmingly so. Sure, she's curious and wants to know what HJ is up to...but JKR would have had her whining petulantly or demanding to be told. The small slight of leaving Ron's name off his visitors list is a good way to keep their tension going without really focussing on it as well.

I'd think Cedric gets his one-up on HJ in the staff-dueling round, but I also think that HJ should get second place points for the full duelling tournament. Give the duelling champ's niece a chance to show her skill, especially if she takes advantage of a moment of overconfidence on HJ's part.

All in all, this is another excellent chapter, and I'm sure many of us are guessing about what happens next, myself included. 5/5

 

Not likely. HJ knows who her uncle is. Every champion does. I doubt anyone of them will underestimate her. It all depends on how good is she with the staff.

 

Jim,

I'll echo the comments on the broom race. It was well done, and different enough that it felt like how a broomrace would be done. With the addition of elements like the screws and such, it was clearly not a two dimensional race the way a non magical race is conducted. I'll say that it was well done.

I also very much liked the continued development of the other characters.

Having Hermione get disgusted with Krum and his tactics was a nice touch... I can just picture him developing his crush on her now. Heh... somehow I feel some marauding type action going to happen there to teach someone a lesson.

Now... onto the issue of dueling.

I agree with a previous poster... that staff fighting (if we're talking hand to hand combat and not casting spells with staffs) just doesn't seem to feel right . Now don't get me wrong, the debates and such are spot on target, as are some of the other events that are not focused on actual spell casting... But staff fighting just doesn't fit the motif of this being a wizarding tourney.

Even the debates will focus on magical skills and exercises related to magic. Where does staff fighting fit into magical society?

Okay... that said and done... HJ's question about sandbagging it (faking being weaker than he is) or going out with wands blazing. That's a good question.

If he goes in and shows his stuff, he'd likely crush his first opponent utterly... that could end up having any number of effects. It would most likely scare the others so much that they automatically start off thinking they're never going to beat him, and he'll walk all over them. It could also make his battles with them much more difficult as they pull out all the stops. And it'd raise all sorts of questions he won't want to answer.

If he goes in and sand bags it... even worse. Flitwick'll catch it, as will Dumbledore. It's hard to convincingly fake incompetence or hold back and make it look real.

One way he might pull off his wins without raising too many red flags is to make it look like luck on his part or bad luck on the other persons part... or to pull out obscure spells that just "happen" to decide the battle and claim that he'd just happened upon them.

Best of all would be for Harry to tell Krum precisely how he's going to beat him...(Victor, at the end of this duel, I'm going to leave you colored purple, naked, covered in crow feathers, and stuck to the ceiling of the Great Hall... remember that!) and then still make it look like it was unplanned or luck to the crowd.

Finally, I've got to say it... OMG... Harry is going to try and get back at each and every student that was covering for Krum's little assault tactic? That's some ambition he's got there.

Good stuff , Jim. Are you sure you don't wanna just put TML on hiatus and work exclusively on this one? Heh.

 

I agree with the majority of what said Srichapan except:

Frankly I find that HJ take all the shit that happen to him like a Tibetian monk under prozac. Which I found quite cool but some anger, retribution would be welcome.

Edit: Well, sue me I skim a lot of reply...

Personally I found it completely lame. And it hit me like a very convenient plot to make Hj life more difficult as he is younger, a complete pansy physically and injured.

Well just have to criticize the fic since you destroy the utopian view of sweet virgin Lilly who can solely cheat on James with her son...


Fucking asshole.

 

Depends on who he duels first. If he`ll wipe the floor with Krum in his first fight other will be scared shitless. Except for that Durmstrang girl, perhaps. Her uncle must have toughen her up.

 

Oh you know that it'll either be Krum for his first match... or Cedric.

If Jim has him fight the girls... even if he wipes the floor with them... he'll get raked over the coals for beating up a girl.

I'm betting Cedric will be the target of opportunity.

Though if it were Fleur... Rowr... he did mention how good his summoning spells used to be.

*after the first brutal exchange is over there is a pause in the duel*
*Fleur's frilly french cut (of course) knickers are hanging off the tip of his wand*

HJ: Wow, Fleur...getting those off you was really easy. *Wicked grin* But, then again, I'm sure you've heard that LOTS of times.

Fleur: *feels and sees that her knickers are indeed missing* I will keel you for zat, leetle boy.

HJ : *gives the panties a little jiggle toward her* Come get some... oh wait... that's your line.


Once more touching on the staff fighting...After thinking about it I realized that we don't know the particulars yet that Jim's got planned there... it might well be that the staff fighting will actually be magical in nature and not them just trying to brain each other. After all... Jim has been pretty good at keeping things in a magical context. So I'm gonna pull back my earlier comment and trust that Jim'll surprise us with something magical.

Myself, I was thinking of doing a HP fic where Staffs were used as well as wands... but had a more "heavy duty" role than wands. Wands were fast on the draw and their ability to hit quicker gave them an advantage over slower staffs. But that Staffs were real powerhouses of destructive energy. They took longer to charge up because they had bigger cores, but had both greater range and greater power.

Think of it being like comparing a hand gun to a high powered rifle. A handgun is better for close in and where speed is of the essence. A rifle puts a handgun to shame in power and accuracy... but takes much more time and space to get a shot off.

 

Good chapter, the race was nicely done, although I felt it lacked a certain... excitement to it. The way Harry seemed to be somehow observing the movements of every single participant while racing at breakneck speeds gave me the sensation more of being an observer than an actual racer.

Krum's cheating does indicate that he's a much darker, underhanded character than in canon. Should be interesting to see how he develops further on into the story.

Aimee seened to warm up to Harry a bit too quickly after the race, but considering the circumstances I can understand it somewhat. He's underaged, he held even with professional racers/players despite that, and he finished the race despite grevious injury.

I was expecting a bit of a blow-up with Athena due to that spill in the lake, but who knows, it might come up later in the duels. If she wins the prize though, it's a bit silly considering she probably gets lessons from him anyway.

The underhanded slights were clever. Not acknowledging Krum and leaving Ron off the visitor's list are mature, 'adult' ways to feud with someone, rather than exploding like Every Other Indy Harry usually does.

When I read "staff fighting" my first thought was that it'd be the faculty against the champions. Fighting with sticks doesn't quite seem as exciting in comparison.

 

From the talk about James messing around with staves when he was a kid (and the immediate assessment of Cedric's physique), I assume it means actual stick fighting. Which is kind of weird. Also, what kind of a little kid plays around at staff fighting?

I guess it could make sense if there was some kind of long standing tradition of magicians using staffs instead of bladed weapons (a la Friar Tuck) or something.

 

It might just be me but I was under the impression staff fighting was like a magic staff. Like a big more powerful wand but with a lot less control.

 

What kind of kid doesn't? My brothers and I whacked each other (and most of the neighborhood) around with broomsticks and lengths of PVC alot as kids. I'll tell you though, anyone can take a swing or block a shot if you've both got sticks but it is a hell of a lot harder to win if there is only one stick and both competitors have their hands on it fighting for control. With two sticks it's just a matter of getting the tip of your staff moving to slap a thrust aside or across to block a chop, it requires good reflexes but it isn't too difficult. One stick requires brute strength, cunning, agility, and flexibility to twist and move out of the way once the staff starts moving and use that momentum against your opponent.

Assume for instance that the staff is more or less upright between two competitors, both trying to push it towards the other for a good smack in the nose. A clever competitor will suddenly switch and start pulling WITH his opponent towards his own head, and try to duck sideways. Now the opponent is overextended and unbalanced, he must either get the other end clear of his legs and move forward trying to twist the staff into the motion and break the grip of our first fighter, or else pull the staff back towards him to correct. If #2 pulls back, fighter #1 can add a bit of rotation to the staff to hook the bottom end behind the ankle of #2 and again switch modes to push into the movement to trip #2 and likely score a blow to the head as a secondary bonus. #2 of course has to correct this as it's happening. They've got to really think fast to take advantage of all the split second opportunities and counters.

Horizontal staves produce different challenges as does footwork, stance, and size differential. All these things make single staff fighting/wrestling a very fun little sport. The strongest don't always win, the fastest don't always win, the most flexible don't always win and the smartest don't always win. You need a lot of skill and strategy to win.