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Complete The Lie I've Lived by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

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    I agree that the Drakiekins doesn't work.

    Besides that, it has been too long! I liked what I read here - not entirely because of Malfoy getting his either - and I like forward to more sometime soon.
     
  2. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

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    Dobby may be more of a back up to the Hat in the humor department for this fic, but I think I like him even more. He's a scary little bugger in a demented midget with magic kind of way. Nice preview.
     
  3. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    If you change Drakie to CoCo or Coey (as in Joey), I'll give you a cookie. Homo character needs homo pet name.

    As for the Snip: Good shit, need moar.
     
  4. mjc

    mjc Seventh Year

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    Is this Narcissa or Petunia?

    My little Dragon.

    My little Drakie.

    Hell...

    My little crotchfruit.

    All of them would be better than Drakkiekins.
     
  5. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    Pure awesomeness, Jbern.
     
  6. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

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    Dobby made this Win!

    Both completely believable and hilarious!

    I don't mind the Drakeikins bit but it reminded me a bit much of petunia... I'm only guessing that that was what you were aiming for.
     
  7. Bucks

    Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    That had me grinning for god knows how long. I can't wait for the chapter. Though I might need to re-read the fic to refresh my memory.
     
  8. Cathal

    Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

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    I swallowed my tongue the first time I read "Drakiekins".
     
  9. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    Yeah, I'm still tossing around something horribly suitable for Narcissa to say. It currently is too much like Petunia.

    As for Dobby, in TFtCD I played him pretty straight up as what you would expect from canon Dobby.

    In TML, Dobby hasn't been around much, but the scene he was in showed him to be a bit of an eager to please, but not very bright upstairs type.

    This version of Dobby, well I've never really seen a story where Harry is a bit wary of the elf. His ideas for deterring Harry in year 2 seemed funny on the surface, but especially the bludger thing had violent undertones.

    All those years with the Malfoys probably did leave old Dobby a bit unstable. Plus, earlier in the story where Hat chews out Hermione, it mentioned that elves were actually imps that had been magically bound and domesticated. With Dobby being "free" and only paid by HJ, well Dobby may be partly reverting.

    Really, I just wanted to do a somewhat creepy version of Dobby. I'm somewhere around 4000 words for the chapter. It needs to be around twice that. I should get more done today, but it might not be ready until the middle of next week.
     
  10. Chilli

    Chilli Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    How about "Precious"?
    Or you could always check here: http://www.links2love.com/nicknames.htm
    According to this, the best nickname for the name Draco is
    Kissable Tiger Twinkies
    . Now where's that barf smilie...
     
  11. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    I vote for "Dragon...[something]"
    Avoid the cutsie names - presumably she's highly stressed and reverting to a pet name she used when he was small. I can't see Narcissa calling him something saccharine. That doesn't mean that she can't call him "Silver Dragon" or something featuring "angel."
    Just ... think what she might have called him when he was three and she was cuddling him after a nightmare.
     
  12. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Damn it... mine is Kissable Hot Bon-Bon. :(

    On a lulzy note;
    Harry Potter = Loveheart Hot-Hottie Buns
    Hermione Granger = Groovey Hot-Hottie Buns (Anyone noticing a pattern? :rolleyes:)
    Ron Weasley = Lovey Hot-Sweet Cheeks
    Tom Riddle = Lovey Fabulous Frou Frou-Tummy Tickler
    Albus Dumbledore = Peachy Pie Numnum-Pants
    Bellatrix Lestrange = Puppie pot Squishey-Lovey Cakes

    I could go on, but frankly they're just getting ridiculous. I enjoyed the teaser Jim, but now I just want more. ;)
     
  13. Sol

    Sol High Inquisitor

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    My issue wasn't "Drakkiekins," but how quick the branding happened and was over. After all that build up it seemed to be over in a literal flash. I was expecting it to take a bit longer, maybe a howl of pain (through the gag) and crumpling to the floor like the wee sissy he is. Maybe I'm just after my bread and circuses, but give me pain!
     
  14. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    It's a brand, ho. Do you think that farmers invoke the prayers of the Diary goddesses before branding their cattle? Besides, everything with that goblet is boring. There's something pretty anti-climatic about roaring green flames shooting out a scrap of paper - especially considering what the broke-ass Weasley twins can do with fireworks.

    The real pain will come afterwards, when everyone looks at the brand and smirks: they're all thinking "You're Harry Potter's bitch, forever and ever".
     
  15. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    I wonder if someone could use that mark as a focus for a control spell. It has to have SOME magickal aspects, otherwise Lucius would simply have it removed.
     
  16. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    Be nice if the Goblet gave HJP a control phrase to use because the House of Malfoy was indebted to him, or somesuch.
     
  17. Veri

    Veri Denarii Host

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    I agree that it should be magical, but no fucking way should he be able to cast spells with it. The point of the brand is to show others that this person is a piece of shit, and that they shouldn't trust them; for life. I'm guessing that the goblet (the hat did say that it may be sentient) would bind the runes to something eternal: his magic, his soul, etc. not just his physical body.

    Either way, fantastic teaser Jbern. I enjoyed the Dobby humour as much as everyone else, and hope to see more of him in the story. The whole Drakiekins thing... eh. I think you should pick a better name, but it wouldn't really affect my opinion of the story if you left it as is. I would think that she would be a little more reserved about the whole deal, considering she was raised by the Blacks, and married into the Malfoys, both pro-Dark families. You'd think she'd learn occlumency, or at least how to keep her emotions under control.

    Still, I've enjoyed the story immensely, and will continue reading. 5/5
     
  18. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    Yes indeed. Unfortunately, Dumbledore managed to spin-doctor the intent into an attack on the tournament and on the school itself, instead of a cheat aimed at Harry personally. Thus, AD managed to claim to be the injured party, and he could limit the level of punishment as well as block Harry's claim to reparations.


    Edited to add:
    The old man is smart, savvy, and ruthless about enforcing his ethical views, as well as twisting events to suit his purposes.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2008
  19. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    The secret to Jbern's ability to keep consistent update schedules and save a family has been revealed.
     
  20. MonCappy

    MonCappy Fifth Year

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    The one for Tom Riddle was especially funny.

    The Dark Lord Voldemort = Loveheart Numnum-Tummy Tickler
     
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