Raven - This is the same Dumbledore who arranged for a 14 year old girl to be given time travel device, who gives a 11 year old an invisibility cloak, who lets his CoMC teacher breed experimental critters for year four, but can't keep the Ministry from toting him off to Azkaban in year 2, lets Dementors stay on the grounds even after 2 seperate attacks on Harry, puts Snape's welfare above the students Snape teaches... Need I continue?

As for the Hat, it was created 1000 years ago, yes? Perhaps it is reflective of the personalities of the time of it's creation? Could Godric have been a drunkard and a boastful asshole? Maybe Helga had Tourette's? Rowena and uppity bitch? Maybe it was Salazaar's last bit of revenge before leaving the school?

As for OOC as an author, I've two stories that you've seen and some that will never see the light of day. I started with a 3rd person story, because it's an easy formula. I tried a 2nd person because it's hard to do correctly. So, now I'm doing a 1st person, because I want to stretch myself. It'll probably take a few chapters to really get the feel of 1st person.

Jim

 

Personally I really liked this chapter, the Dumbledore scene seemed a bit... I don't know sketchy for lack of a better word. You are right though that when you go back and look at all the things hes done its not that unbelievable. Also I love the hat, it has got to be one of the most unique things I've seen in a fic.

Keep up the fast updates and look forward to the next chapter.

 

I... well fuck.

Just fucking fuck me for fuck's sake.

I never though Id read a fic where I had the urge to call the sorting hat a Niggah. Cuz bruthaman, dat hat talkin straight like a brit niggah.

for that you get points. For the rest... not so much so.

Remember Niggah!Sorting Hat++

 

No, thats why the sorting hat rocks. We've never really had a personality to the Hat before, now we do. Treat it like an OC and suddenly it's not so bad.

Ok, like everyone else has mentioned the Dumbledore scene felt a little weird but I can deal with that. I like the way the story is shaping up and here at the end of chapter 2, you've managed to grab me. I'm going to stick with this story because I definitely want to see how the summer goes. Still a touch too early for me to give it a rating though, I'm going to wait and not make snap judgements.

 

Thanks for the commentary folks. Vash I look forward to seeing what you have in store for your story. After Bio's comments, I am not certain whether or not he is in the contest. If not, I'll go back to ignoring him.

Note to admins - I neglected to put in the DLP category for this story - Sorry Midnight. I can no longer edit the intial post. Please insert DLP Category - Independent Harry there.


Jim

 

It's a unique story...I'll say that much.

3/5

 

Great Update, I usually read stories in third person but this is a nice change. Keep up the great work.

 

For all we know, it started out as a very nice Hat, but gradually grew more dark and twisted... especially after the unjust imprisonment. I would have liked to hear the sorting song the year after that incident.

I'm enjoying the story so far--the writing, dialogue, and interesting gimmick are enough to keep me reading indefinitely while I wait for the plot to show up.

OT, I found this video of the Hat's ex-girlfriend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGhZRMEspXE&eurl=

 

BioPlague Warning and Advisory System
​

 

Do you have a life? but seriously, move your little arrows down two spots and we got the "story" you were "writing."

 

Yeah, I know it's that good too.

Edit: And let's keep the review thread for reviewing the story at hand. Not being flamebaiters or general asshats.

 

I agree Bio, let's stick to reviewing.

Having said that, it seems unnecessary to review the same chapter multiple times. I don't think its changing, so one review should be quite sufficient.

 

The advisory is a must .

 

Okay unlike Bio I liked the Hat. It needs a Tommy Gun but its AWESOME without it too. The hat explains the reason was nice in 2nd year. I wouldnt doubt it that the hat is under some sort of curse or whatnot that MAKE him do a song and sort at the beginning of the school year.

Jim GIVE THE HAT THE TOMMY GUN.

 

Thanks for your opinion. Maybe it's not for you. As for feeling rushed, well there is a reason that I thank the people who assist me on a regular basis. Without there assistance, the story does suffer. For instance, IP would have told me to go over the conversation with Dumbledore and make it better.

He seems to have an odd fixiation with Harry and Dumbledore's interactions.

Anyway, I like to take a chance with characters in this case the Sorting Hat and Dobby. If I don't take a chance, then it's yet another round of "Oh so helpful" Floppy and "Ultracool to have my very own House Elf" Dobby. It's not always a bad thing, but if I'm going to do the same old same old then I'm just going to be a clone of many other authors.

Sometimes the chances I take work, other times they may not pan out. Back to this story, I've never done 1st person before. Will it get better as I develop a feel for it? Most likely. Will it be as good as Draco664? Very doubtful. Either way, it's a learning experience for me.

I hold the delusion that once I finish playing with someone else's toys for another year or so, that I will attempt to write my own original stuff and attempt to actually get published. To do that, I need practice and I need to find a group of people that I can work with to improve my skills.

As for Harry wondering who can go to for help with something going on in his mind, at first he believes he is a seer and goes down the list of people who he could possibly talk to. None of them except Dumbledore really stand out. He decides that it would be nice if someone could take a look into his mind. Remember this is at the end of book 3. Occlumency and Legilmency have not been mentioned to Harry yet. He knows of only one thing that can look into someones mind - the Sorting Hat. So, I dismiss that criticism. It may have not been presented as well as I possibly could have, but the conclusion is a logical progression.

Perhaps I could have been more subtle with the flirting scene, but I wanted it to be obvious to the readers. The first chapter of Bungle in the Jungle is usually criticized as being very confusing. In this instance, I wanted it to be confusing for the character, but obvious to the reader. Again, I am experimenting with my style and trying to find what works the best for me.

Hope that answers your comments.

Jim

 

I DON'T HAVE A FIXATION WITH DUMBLEDORE! THAT'S A DIRTY, DEVIOUS LIE! LIAR!
*tears away Dumbledore posters and hides a fake bear behind his back*

 

I'm currently withholding judgement myself, but I can say that I like the concept. I've never seen Harry as James at all. That said, it certainly has potential.

However, I think you said once that you didn't have a beta for this, and it shows. Like Syaoron said, it seems rushed since you aren't really getting a beta'd opinion before postage.

I can see what you were trying to do, by pulling out the stops and trying out a new person-view for the challenge you made, but it's just not working too well here. This could either be because you suck at this person view, or because after writing bungle for 20 odd chapters it seems a bit weird to you, but either way, this could have been done better if it was in 2nd or 3rd person view.

Either way, I give it thus far a 3/5. That could, however, easily change, especially since it's not like this has a huge abundance of chapters to read thus far.

 

I like the idea and the way its going so far. Sure its not Bungle or TFtCD but its better than 90% of the crap out there. And I still say the dang hat needs a Tommy Gun.

 

I hate the sorting Hat. I always thought it would be wise and all that shit cause it warned everyone about bad stuff. And you just made a complete JKR of yourself by making your Dumbledore as stupid as hers. I think the story is going a bit on the down side or it may just be because it hasn't gone far enough yet. 3/5 for this chapter.