Such an insult that, "to make a JKR of oneself", a bit of a compliment on this site, seeing as it is a fan site dedicated to her work.

 

The Hat and Harry will be discussing Dumbledore at some point given that Harry will eventually remember a certain prophecy and other events from the first war.

See my previous comment to Lord Ravenclaw concerning Dumbledore's ineffectiveness or rather eccentric behavior.

Sorry you don't like the Hat. Still not really planning to change how I am writing it. It has the mindset of a person from the 10th century. Given the limited interaction the Hat has in canon, I don't see it as a massive stretch.

Jim

 

The hat is awesome. I mean how often do you see a hat willing to insult you? I still say it needs a Tommy Gun. As much as some people hate the hate and Jim's fics. Thats how much I love this hat.

 

When I first read the summary, I was a little hesitant about reading another "mind integration" story, but I am definetly glad that I gave it a shot. I love Harry's bad ass character as well as the hat that doesn't take to imprisonment very well.

4.9/5

 

4.5/5. Loved The Hat's personality. Wonderful to see a story where Harry's cool and not depressed about other memories and voices in his head.
Surprising this thread is still in the review section

 

It has less than 4 stars but is being left here for the competition, pretty much. I'm fairly close to finishing up the first few parts to my entry (for those wondering). Haven't been online nor near a computer in a week but I have written in a notebook.

 

Chapter 3 now up for your consideration.

Chapter 3 is up. I hope you enjoy it. Still waiting to see if there is an entry from BP. If there isn't anything by the end of April, well then I'm going to call it off and go back to working with my group to elevate the quality of the story.

Jim

 

That was the best chapter yet. I liked the explanation of James left-handedness interfering with Harry's casting. I suppose we'll soon see Harry with dual wands - James' and his own.

The explanation of the Marauders = Harry's friends sounds cool too now that it turned out James had learned of Peter's betrayal.

Once again, the sorting hat is a hit. The best (and only?) characterization of the hat so far. Lily cheating on James with Lily is a good call too; I guess we won't see fatherly Remus too much in this story.

I know that switching first person from James and Harry's POV was done intentionally, but it still feels awkward at times. Maybe a better division between paragraphs would help that?

In any case, you need more paragraphs; Some of the jokes get lost in long stretches of text. Since this writing style is similar, maybe you should check out some of Chuck Palahniuk's works.

In either case, so far so good. 4-ish mark stays as far as I'm concerned.

 

I agree with IP82. This has been your best chapter in the series and I'm starting to like the Hat. I can't wait for an update.

 

3 stars.

You lose one star for it not flowing well. A good story you should be able to read smothly with out having to stop and reread stuff to see whats happening or have to go back to see what perspective it's in.

Since this still in the process of setting the scene and tone for the story I sill hold off my final opinion but as it is I can see it going either way. It has a interesting idea but that does not mean it will be a good story. How you choose to use this knowledge the HJ now has is going to be the deciding factor in the story.

Honestly choosing to place this story in GOF time makes it interesting because it has never been done but it is going to lack a lot of the drama that post OOtP stories have. While there is the contest and spys it lacks the full fledged drama of a war. I'm intersted to see what happens.

 

Ok, three chapters in so it's time for me to form a solid opinion.

The good;

The sorting hat is not just a semi-sentient magical artifact of great power but actually has a personality of it's own for once. The particulars of that personality may not settle with some folk but I'll give you props for the effort.

Harry as James is not something I have ever seen before this story, so it's at least mildly original. I have however read plenty of "Harry is not really Harry" stories so it's not completely original. Props for a new approach.

I like the troubles Harry is encountering. Not only is there a psychological element of the extra memories, but the left vs right handed spell casting and early prophecy revelation stirs the pot nicely.

The Bad;

Dobby is both a godsend and a copout. Yes canon supports this eager to please little monster, but doesn't anyone else ever consider that he's a traitorous little bastard who is just as bad if not worse than Kreacher? Kreacher lied to a non-family member and told a family member about Sirius' desperation to get out. We may not like the results but he's not that unfaithful. Dobby however broke his masters orders and revealed secrets to the very person his master was trying to harm. This is more a general gripe than an attack on your story however so let's move on.

An unfaithful Lily. What purpose does this serve but to make Harry hate his own mother and Remus? Yes the war and hiding would undoubtably be very trying for a new marriage, but there are lines you just don't cross. Infidelity happens, it's a sad fact but don't soil one of the few "good" matches more than you already did. Playboy!James is alright, even expected considering his best friend was Sirius, he may not be a shining beacon of morality but I don't think we saw anything about him being unfaithful after his marriage. Slut!Lily on the other hand is really pushing it.

Traitor!Remus. Like I said, there are lines a man doesn't cross. I can understand if he were to curse his friend. Or Kill his friend. Or even betray his friends to the Dark Lord to save his own skin. But sleeping with his best friend's wife? I'm a bastard, a real prick, but when I want someone who's attached even I make sure they break up before making my move. I may help it along with a few inconvenient truths or quotes used out of context, but I wait till it's over. If Remus wanted Lily (or the other way around) one or the other should have whacked James first.

Mad scientist/Dark Witch!Lily. Where in the world did this come from? Come home and find the perfect bookworm wife halfway through an illegal ritual that could land her in Azkaban? It's actually a pretty cool idea, the classic "power is neutral, what matters is how you use it" approach used by Lily, but a bit more build up would have been nice. Right now you've got me wondering if Harry hasn't had a few "alterations" pre-installed by dear old Mum. It kinda blindsides the readers a bit don't you think?

Beyond any one plot element your point of view shifts unpredictably. It's getting better but sometimes it seems like you are narrating in the first person someone telling a story in the third person. It feels kinda weird, and not in a good "Illuminatus Trilogy let's see how confused we can make you about who's telling the story" kind of way.

Overall;

A first person "Harry is someone else" storyline featuring insight into Harry's past, the usual prophecy "fight to the death" scenario to prepare for, advanced spell knowledge, wandless magic, troublesome Dursleys, helpful houselves, and maybe a deadly tournament on the horizon.

The pre-GoF timeline gives hope for a different future, but makes me wary of seeing the same three tasks we all know by heart. The Maze was the only decent task, the rest should be easily within the realms of possibility for a trained wizard with a bit of brain power. They were hardly deadly tasks that showed "a true Champion of the Wizarding World who's name will go down in history." If I were re-writing the GoF plot, I'd put the maze first and come up with some real challenges after that. If you want to run the "kidnap Harry and ressurect Volde" plot, maybe the final task should involve being portkeyed away to face some challenge alone.

The writing is fairly solid as we've come to expect from you, minus the occasional POV issue.

Nothing so far has really come too easily for Harry, he seems to have to work for things still despite his advanced knowledge and power.

For a complex and workable plot, coupled with a bit of originality and good characterization (even if I don't like all of them) this story earns a a weak 8/10 or a strong 3.5/5.

 

personally i can imagine Lily doing illegal stuff. First off she must have done some research to come up with the protection and keeping in mind that she is muggleborn it is quite easy to imagine that she doesn't care a lot for many of the more "closeminded" rules of the ministry.
That doesnt make her dark, it just makes her obsessed with keeping her baby alive (something almost any mother will agree with).

Personally i can believe remus being unfaithfull to some extent since (as he admits in PoA) he loved Lily.
On the other hand i cannot agree with Lily doing the same. By all accounts she loved James and she has undoubtly been raised by some strict moral values (Petunia comes from the same house...).
Stress can do many things to people, including break up their relationships if it is truly that stressfull. My first real relationship (meaning over 1 year) broke up because my gf couldn't take the stress of final exams and ended up in the arms of another boy while i was away for one weekend.

Do i think it likely that lily behaved in such a way? Hell no, but that is mostly because in Canon she is always described as nearly too good to be true.
This fic seems to want to show us that everyone is human and has flaws, so i can live with it if the "older" characters are slightly off-canon.

 

That's the movie. It sure as hell isn't canon.

Anyway, I don't have much time right now but I'll try to be concise... The chapter is good, James' first person could have been more personal-sounding -- in other words, with more sentiment, if that even makes sense. Lily's characterisation is interesting. Easily the best chapter until now.

 

Thanks for all the commentary. I do appreciate it. I suppose I should provide some of the rational for my characterizations that emerged in this chapter. I’ve received enough “Lily would never do that! Remus would never do that!” reviews that I figured I would respond in a forum entry rather than individually. I considered writing a companion piece to this story called The Prisoners of Godric’s Hollow detailing how the perfect marriage became a broken promise.

I steer clear of the idolized images of James and Lily as paragons of virtue. In this story, James was the light side’s version of a Malfoy. He had money, a prominent family name, talent in some subjects and looks. He was a golden boy, the homecoming King if you will. He had everything and lost it all – well actually it was taken from him.

Still, he had a beautiful wife and a new son to fight for, so he did.

The pressure of being at war or even just being in the military can greatly stress a marriage. In my slightly over 8 years in the US Navy, I saw several marriages that probably would have survived had one of them not been in the service crumble and fail.

Both James and Lily lost their parents in a short period of time. They turned to each other and found solace there. Still, by the time of their deaths, they were barely into their early 20’s and just as prone to mistakes and missteps as all the rest of us.

As for Lily, I want her to be a real person and not a saint. She loved her son with an over the top desperation. Imagine being told that your infant child might have to face a monster that even Dumbledore can only keep in check. It never says who found the obscure fidelius charm, it could have been Dumbledore, but it could have just as easily been Lily or the Longbottoms, or any of the other Order Members.

Once she was ‘off the magical radar’ would Lily have stopped at just finding a way to ‘hide’ her son – or would she push onward seeking a way to ‘level the playing field’ between an infant and a Dark Lord? Would she let rules and regulations governing what is legal and ethical restrict her search? My version of Lily is that she was a very driven woman and she was capable of snapping.

She probably recruited help in her search for and practical application of this ‘semi-legal’ knowledge. Who would she enlist? Remus is the natural candidate here. All those stories that have Remus as some kind of werewolf spy always bug me. It’s not like everyone didn’t know that he was best friends with Potter and Black! It’d be hard to overlook that whole year he was teaching under Dumbledore. Sure an argument could be made that he was ‘angry’ at Dumbledore for his forced resignation, but do you really believe the Dark side is that stupid. So let’s put forth the premise that Remus and Lily were evaluating all these obscure rituals and forbidden magics.

At this point, take your pick Lily could have hit rock bottom after something she was certain would work failed miserably. “This is useless. Harry’s going to die! I just know it.” Remus holds the sobbing woman in his arms and then their mutual instincts take over…

Conversely, it could have been the other end of the spectrum. “This will work! I’ve done it. We’ll be safe! Come here you silly werewolf! We’ve done it!” Lily crushes Remus into a celebratory hug all the stress of the past few weeks fell away as if it were nothing. She could make it all right with James now. Things would go back to where they were before. Somewhere along the line the hug and the peck on the cheek deepens and the before Remus or Lily realizes it they’re half naked.

Pick your scenario because either one is plausible under the circumstances. I always thought the excuse that Remus was a Dark Creature was weak at best. I also found the excuse most authors offer for Remus staying out of Harry’s early life to be vanilla. “Dumbledore asked me to stay away and I respected his wishes.”

In this story James couldn’t trust Remus with his life. He had proven his ‘weakness’. Remus stayed away from Harry because he felt like he had ruined James and Lily’s marriage and because they hadn’t chosen him to be their secret keeper he had cost them their lives. The guilt and shame there is a much more plausible reason to spend 12 years ignoring the child of James and Lily.

So, that’s a lot of my thought processes behind James, Lily and Remus for this story. Maybe one day I’ll write The Prisoners of Godric’s Hollow as a companion piece to this. It depends on how much of the back story emerges in the telling of this story.

Surprisingly, no one really objected to the fact that James was a man-whore. (With one notable exception – Lord Myst.) Note in the story summary it talks about HJ figuring out who he wants to be. HJ has the 3 years of Canon Harry to choose from. In this chapter, he got a hint of what the life of James Potter was like. It’s up to HJ to forge the identity of the person he really wants to be. James was a winner who lost it all. Harry was a loser with nothing to start, but the promise of a better tomorrow on the horizon - opposite sides of the same coin. The question is who does HJ want to become? Most likely neither. He’ll forge an identity as HJ.

Jim

 

Good rebuttal. I did notice that you never specified just how far along Lily and Remus were when James caught them. This leaves everything along that line way up in the air. If it were a makeout session with half naked folks when James walked in it's one thing. In buff and about to hit the bed, or in the act, or in the afterglow is an entirely different kettle of fish. Who knows, Lily or Remus might have come to their senses as they were about to cross that final line but James broke it up first. If that were the case, Harry and Remus could concievably come to some sort of terms. It'd be a long term sub-plot but still possible.

I'm just a bit wary of both Lily and Remus (two characters that were firmly on the side of good and close as family all this time) suddenly becoming the bad guys. By no means are they murdering, raping, death eating scum but betrayal and infidelity just aren't on top of the "Hi I'm a good guy" list of traits.

I take from your comments about Lily's research that you are not ruling out some "aftermarket mods" to young Harry's chasis?

 

i don't know about you caitiff but for most people around the age of 20 fidelity is actually not that "holy" as you portray it.
Sure it is a line you don't cross just on a whim, but combined with the truly high pressure on all of them (people being killed left and right, hiding away unable to do anything etc.) it is not unbelievable that they turn to each other for comfort.
As i said before i cannot imagine the canon portrayed characters doing it, but obviously the point of this chapter is to show us a different side of them.

@Tinn: You sure? i distinctly remember reading that as well, but since i don't have the book anywhere near me (as in roughly 500km from my current home ) i'll bow to your superior knowledge if your sure.

 

I'm an odd duck. I hold most "laws" in utter contempt, but my personal code of honor is my life. To me breaking a promise is a serious deal. No matter how minor the promise, I don't break it without a damn good reason or unless the other party releases me. To break a vow or oath, especially one that is supposedly witnessed by a diety is THE mortal sin. I quite literally would prefer to die before breaking one of the three vows that currently bind me. Otherwise, my honor obviously means nothing and I am just a worthless piece of street trash.

I happily admit that I'm a liar, a thief, a serial monogamist, and many other flavors of "sinner" but I am NOT an oath-breaker. Actually getting me to make a solid promise is however quite difficult. That's just my weird quirk though. I believe a man's word should be all that's needed for a civilized society. Unfortunately the rest of society doesn't agree.

Didn't you think it was a little odd that I suggested Lily should have killed James first? Or that Remus should have whacked his best friend? Take a guess at which I consider the lesser crime.

 

Well, you've provided an easy explanation on how Harry has a good deal of James memories via Lily's little rituals and experiments. Also, the hat you've portrayed is an insanely original character, and I love the interactions that are made with it.

 

I still say the hat needs a Tommy Gun. I would be awesome.

And Yes this chapter is the best one so far.

 

While I don't hold law's in QUITE the contempt you do, I quite agree about rules being made to be broken and vows being made to last forever. Like you I'm notiouriously difficult to pin down, but if I give my word it stays given.

The only way I can see a complete infidility on the side of the 'good' guys would be for lilly to totally crack into insanity under the combined pressure of hiding, reasearch, and a ritual, and for said ritual to have the side-effect of supressing remus' personality on contact with lilly to the point where the werewolf became the dominate mind.

and slasheh, I disagree. the majority of 20 somethings are usually faithful as they are usually beginning to look for a permanent other. the only one's I know that aren't... well, I wouldn't trust them alone in a room with my stuff anyway. It's not a question of pressure, it's a question of personality.

BTW, has anyone given thought to how many people would know about the safe house? Once fidelas has been cast the secret keeper should be able to tell everyone, because (If I understood cannon right) only the keeper can release he Info as to where they are. My proof is in the fact the Moody couldn't just tell harry where they were going in OotP, he had to have a note written by Dumbledor.

Edit: 4/5 By the way. It's not far enough to rate it higher than that yet.