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Complete The Lie I've Lived by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. e1

    e1 Third Year

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    Sorting Hat + Golem = Genius
     
  2. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    Thought I'd fixed that. I'll track it down and take care of it. In fairness, that's back when it was a competition and I wasn't using any betas. At the time I wasn't published.
     
  3. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    ... >_>

    Fine, I'll accept that as a valid reason. :p
     
  4. mjc

    mjc Seventh Year

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    The gargoyle that guards the entrance to the Headmaster's office can technically be called a golem.

    And didn't HJ imply that it took someone who was basically wealthy and a master of Transfiguration to cook up one of these puppies?

    Also, they seem a bit 'old-fashioned' and require more effort than 99.99% of Wizarding Britain would be willing to commit to.
     
  5. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    Well, it's not like sentient magical artifacts grows on trees, most of them anyway...

    And why would the average wizard/goblin would need it? Magic can do most of what he can do, and the rest [absorbing massive explosions, and making shit blow up] isn't really important to most people. Not to mention it's probably above most people skill/money range.

    Also, after DH making shit up is canon.
     
  6. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    This is a horrible story and the author should be burned alive for writing it!

    I mean really, a talking hat, who the hell comes up with this crap?!

    Nice chapter. :p I predict Hat is going to take a rocky dump on Dumbledore's desk.
     
  7. Radioactivebloke

    Radioactivebloke Squib

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2008
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    England
    I'm bored so I'm going to rape your grammer.

    Additions or changes are green.
    Deletions are red.

    Missing space.

    Seems a bit clunky to me with the repetition. That might just be me though.

    Maybe a semicolon where indicated instead of a comma?

    Spare apostrophe?

    Spelling.

    Rhetorical question and missing space before inverted commas.

    "Wards" aren't singular.

    Deliberate Engrish? Doesn't read properly to me. Perhaps "as you English say" would be more suitable?

    Spelling.

    Spare apostrophe. Added comma.

    Maybe a comma or something after "Oh"? Doesn't read properly IMHO.

    Doesn't read smoothly. Maybe this is a bit better?

    Moar spare apostrophe.

    Spelling and incorrect punctuation.



    Great story. Hat FTW. :D

    Also, Happy Birthday.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2008
  8. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    You do realize jbern has betas who will be catching most of this, right? :)

    He posted an early, unbetaed version of the chapter for people to get an advanced look. I believe his plans are to replace the posted chapters with edited ones as they become available.
     
  9. mjc

    mjc Seventh Year

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    Actually, the word should be 'wont', not 'want'.

    wont--1 : accustomed, used <got up early as he is wont to do> 2 : inclined, apt
     
  10. Radioactivebloke

    Radioactivebloke Squib

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    Damn. All the betas will use my post to cheat. Anyway, maybe I've caught something that others won't.
     
  11. Skykes

    Skykes Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Great chapter, really looking forward to when Fleur finds out harry is Mr.Pronghorn ,also Happy Birthday Jim.
     
  12. Cathal

    Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

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    Oh shoot, it is your birthday. Have a good one, Jbern!

    EDIT: And here's your birthday present. New, shiny, and absolutely free one hundred billion dollars.
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2008
  13. capo327

    capo327 Sixth Year

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    For sure, man. Be sure to do something fun. (Hint: Writing. >_>)
     
  14. Poytin

    Poytin The Arby's Hipster DLP Supporter

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    A good explanation for this might be that every wizard only has the capability to create one golem and all other attempts will fail. Some sort of rule of magic or some such.
     
  15. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    Thanks. I'll be sure to incorporate many of them into the final version.
     
  16. Militis

    Militis Supreme Mugwump

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    Happy Birthday Jbern! Great chapter (even if it was un-Betaed, it was still great), keep up the good work.
     
  17. core8ball

    core8ball Squib

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    Just a guess but didn't HJ use two potions to freeze the water, leaving only 8 potions.

    A Golem is a great tool but probably very expensive compared to the average wizards salary.
     
  18. Boo

    Boo Auror

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    Plus the runes are gonna be upper level if it animates something that can respond to your comands.
     
  19. XxEnvyxX

    XxEnvyxX Groundskeeper

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    You could always say the golem is infused with the owners/creators magic and maybe even a little bit of blood, so that only he or she can command the golem and maybe you can go even so far as to say that the wizard or the witch who wants a golem must play a major part in the construction.
    So it is very hard to make one, takes much time and effort, is expensive and you can do most things a golem can do all by yourself (or with your magic) as well. And you need to command it and I doubt a golem has much intelligence and finesse, it's more likely to go for the jobs were brute force, sheer power and endurance is needed and where do you need such things in the normal day-to-day life?

    PS: Great chapter
     
  20. vlad

    vlad Banned ~ Prestige ~

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    I predict that next chapter, during/right after the Yule events, Fleur finds out about Proghorn - Jim's been teasing us with it far too much recently. Dementors... decides to not change at the very last minute. Now, he is once more saved from shifting back just seconds before he'd become dragon chow. Not to mention, Fleur's forbidden friendship...

    While it was perhaps necessary to have Harry's nightime activites discovered, it seems a little... odd, that Veritaserum would be administered without any sort of restrictions. Seems their would be a sort of pre-administration ritual for the questioners/audience to be sure ahead of time exactly which questions could be asked, and to make sure only those questions were asked. Maybe in a court of law, their would be wiggle room for the questioner, but given just how many sensative bits and pieces are kept privy by the upper crust of the magical world, it seems they would have written the law so that if they were ever subject to it, it's value on obtaining further information would be marginal.

    Still, a great chapter.
     
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