Plugging my own story. It's in the WBA, and really I've just got a one-shot ( Which was called Chapter 1) and part one of Chapter 1 up. Still, I'd like for reviews to go here, so that my thread isn't so bogged down.

Title: The Malicious Intentions of Harold James Potter
Author: Apothem
Rating: M
Genre: AU
DLP Category: Alternate Universe, Dark Arts
Pairing: None
Status: WIP
Summary: Damaged by the constant screams, it was no wonder he had finally snapped. Thankfully, a firm mentor had been found to teach Harry how to handle them, only playing with those that really deserved it. Light!Dexter!Harry.
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=9357

Sorry about that. Best to start on Page 3, since that's where the new Ch. 1 starts. I should really probably make a new thread for it, or ideally have the old deleted. Mercenary, I have no idea what you meant.

 

... First off, Wrong format even if it is in WBA.
And I dont think it isnt unheard of to create threads specifically for people to put reviews in them.
Oh yes and the For review section is usually for OTHER people to put your story up for review. Though its not unprecedented for people to put their own story up, it does come off as a bit... annoying.

Did I mention that you dont have it in the right format?

 

Posting format please.

Regarding the story, it shows a lot of potential and is pretty well-written. I'm willing to give it a 4/5 to see where it goes.

 

Ah. Well, I get kind of confused searching through the pages to find my own previous statements, so since I've got the attention span of a five-year old, I suppose you'll just have to deal with it. Sorry if it annoys you, though.

 

Well, the new chapters are a lot better and are interesting. The choice of Dumbledore is pretty bad, though. There is virtually no fictional character less likely to endorse what Harry's doing and the sudden acceptance is completely unconvincing. Especially ten minutes after Draco gets gutted, given his freakish obsession with saving Drakkykins.

There's a perfect parallel to Harry Morgan from Dexter already in HP. A bitter cop who's seen too many criminals get away from a broken law system? Does the phrase constant vigilance ring any bells? Let's say post OoTP Malfoy walks free again, Moody goes over the edge. Just like Harry Morgan did.

I suppose it may be a bit late to change that at this point though.

 

Well, two things

1) The choice of Moody would've been spectacularly retarded. Since this is only really divergent from Ch. 24 of HBP on, Moody has had absolutely... One? Or perhaps two meetings with Harry Potter. So suddenly he finds out that he killed Draco Malfoy, comes to Hogwarts (Or better yet, the Dursley's!) has Harry explain to him his desire to kill, and then takes Harry under his wing. All with Dumbledore's full consent, right?

It doesn't work.

2) Albus Dumbledore is nothing if not concerned with the greater good. Many portray this as his downside, but at this point, he would have two options - Kill Harry, or train him. He accepts it out of necessity for the greater good, as this isn't the first time he's seen a psychologically damaged young boy.

So, he can alienate HP and hope that he doesn't spawn another Voldemort, or he can sigh and accept it, carefully watching the evolution of his murders to be positive that past mistakes don't get repeated again.

Ah, should probably have mentioned, you're right, in canon he did have a freakish obsession with saving Draco, but he's got the prophecy to concern himself with, and Draco tried to attack Harry. He'd side with Harry, I think. Anyways, thanks for your opinion.

 

As for the first point, well, obviously where you choose to diverge is purely based on what's convenient for plot. Moody could discover Harry's bad tendencies while guarding Privet and take advantage of the opportunity.

Mostly the issue is that it's a ridiculously false dichotomy to suggest that the only options for a mentally disturbed teenager are to kill him or train him to murder people. One of the key things in Dexter is the revelation that Harry Morgan was himself mentally disturbed and committed suicide -- Dexter wasn't just trained because of his tendencies, he was also created because Harry was warped by his job. Dumbledore's obsession with redeeming people is essentially THE defining trait of his character, making it even more awkward to suggest that he blithely accepts Harry is unsalvageable in thirty seconds.

But whatever. Agree to disagree and all that.

 

Perhaps I didn't emphasize it nearly enough, but there is deep, visible scarring all across Harry's mental state. Wounds that appear to bleed to any legilmens. Dumbledore is hoping to save him, but at the moment he's going to do what he has to. I'll make sure to make those aspects a bit more obvious.

Still, your comments have been noted, and are appreciated.

 

Dexter!Harry is very good idea, I'm sick of fics about an idiot who despairs because he has to kill one person. However, as someone stated previously, Dumbledore is an opposite of Harry Morgan. Both are good guys, yes, but Dumbledore believes in his "second chance" crap and it doesn't work very well with killing "criminals" who might regret their crimes. That said, Dumbledore willing to hear Harry out ten minutes after he killed someone is believable. Now that I wrote this, it seems reasonable that Dumbledore has choice between "redeeming" Harry and giving "second chance" to DE's. He probably feels guilty because he caused Harry all these "scars".
I preferred first person narration, as in chapter 1, it fits the atmosphere much better.
It's way too early to rate, but if you continue like this it'll be something between 4-4.5/5
On another note, please do not use Times New Roman, it's much worse to read than Verdana, at least on monitors.

 

Harold James Potter, who is that?

 

Lincos - Fantastic point. It was a mistake, and it seems like it's going to be permanent, since I can't change the original thread.

As far as the first person/third person goes, I'm thinking about writing most of his hunts as one-shots that will fit in at various points, in first-person. However, writing more than 3,000 or so words in first person drives me bonkers, so expect most of the story to be in third person.

 

Good Idea, I can't imagine writing over 3,000 words in first person, but Dexter was made good by its close look into Dexter's brain. So even in third person you shall have to make lots of references to what Dexter is thinking.

The hunting however, that couldn't be done any way other then 1st person and I am glad you realized it.

I only have one concern. The change from third person to first person, if not done right, will make the story harder to read. You will have to be careful not to break the flow of the story by doing so. However I can't give advice to how you should do the change.

 

Well, my plan is to have his hunts as a series of one-shots. That's the thing about Dexter ( The show, at least. ) His hunts are side stories, necessary but not the main focus at any point. The most important ting in the series is that you get an idea of how Dexter thinks, and interacts.

Also - Why are people making permanent votes on a story that's got one real chapter up?

 

I hate to say this, but if you don't feel ready to get permanent votes, then maybe it wasn't time to start a For Review thread yet.

 

It was more so that people could leave reviews without cluttering my thread, since there's only supposed to be one thread per story. I didn't expect actual reviews until about 3-4 chapters in, though you're right. I kind of figured people would vote on the WBA thread like they had originally before it was to this point. Not exactly great planning on my part.