Title: The Margrave of Black Magick
Author: Margrave
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure/Romance
DLP Category: Alternates
Pairing: Harry Potter/Daphne Greengrass
Status: WIP
Summary: Harry inherits the title of Margrave after Sirius' death in addition to his public face as Lord Black. He discovers the secret of Voldemort a year in advance, and delves into the mysteries of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black to find the power he knows not. The closure of the prophecy, deliberately excluded, is unveiled, forcing Harry to tread carefully among in the wake of the most powerful wizard of the Light as well as that of the Dark. All the while, Margrave Harold Potter-Black and the Lord Voldemort bring their considerable resources to bear in their struggle for dominance.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3578462/1/

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Before I start.. I must say Wooohooo for a decent story with a Harry/Daphne Pairing!!! Jon will love this find.

Anyways the story uses a one or two cliches, but they are used well. The story though, looks like its going to get complex with politics and a very large war. Definitely worth a read.

Plus 4 chapters with 25k words in less than two weeks? Thats a nice update rate.

4/5 - I give this tentatively though since while this fic is very promising, it can flop.

 

Well, I doubt that it'll keep up, unless it's a shorter story. If it's anything more than 100,000 words, the update rate will slow down. That aside, an intriguing find; good writing, though a little emotionless, and few if any grammatical/punctuation errors.

 

Kind of bland, a little cliche, and it seems as if English isnt the author's native language, but all that aside, its decent.

3.5-4/5

 

I tried reading this yesterday and given up after a chapter. I was even on the verge of flaming it at FFN (something I never do), but in the end I managed to sustain myself.

Not that the story is awfully bad; just that there are layers and layers of stupidity and foolish mistakes bursting through otherwise very good writing. It was like everything this guy wrote was just a bit stupider than it could have been; starting with Harry's miraculous character shift in the course of one week, over Voldemort's ridiculous plan and the way Harry pieced it together from nothing, over the ridiculous (re)appearance of an intercontinental-traveling snake with rows of sharp teeth (!!?), all the way to Harry needlessly attacking the horde of death eathers, after concluding that's exactly what the old foolish him would have done. I won't even go into smaller mistakes and snafus, like for example, Harry casting Sectumsempra from Snape's book, even though this is post-OOTP...

Normally, I'd take this for just another cliched crapfest and get over it. But the thing is, the guy can really write solidly. And he is obviously one of the few who write a Harry who is smart besides being powerful, which is something I can surely appreciate. I really don't understand why he allowed himself to screw up so badly, when only a little more forethought could have made this into a very enjoyable story.

Bah, judging by the amounts of praise, I guess later chapters are better than the one I've read. Might give this another try later on.

 

I thought about linking this to the Library. Then I realized that while the plot was somewhat original in one or two areas there were far too many logical inconsistencies for me to give it a passing grade.

2/5

 

Stilted and bland, bored me despite it being 2:53am and me being high on caffeine. Just didn't seem to have any emotion in it at all; there were emotions, and there were people, but there wasn't anything linking the two.

3/5 because of the spelling and the somewhat originality, despite the week of learning that turned him into a master.

Aekiel

 

Gonna have to agree with ip82 on this one. I might have been more forgiving if it were not for the intercontinental-traveling, uber-magical, shape-changing, super snake that just happens to arrive before Harry goes into battle with the Death Eaters.

2/5

 

how can it be a decent harry/daphne pairing if she isnt even in the story yet?

Beside that the logical errors and simple idiocy of the plot is enough to make me immediatly forget the story after reading it once.
If the black family is the margrave of magic and sirius parents supported voldemort why didn't the margrave of magic support him?
The blacks are supposed to be one of the strongest beliefers in pureblood supremacy, so how the hell can they be the rulers of a mixed magical/muggle realm?

 

Snake years.

Wow. How convienent for a snake to just show up when he needed one. Rather interesting, really. How the hell did the giant boa constrictor that harry freed escape the freaking ZOO, let alone make it over the Atlantic, all the way to BRAZIL? And, then, how did another one make it all the way BACK to britain, and find Harry? A cameo on Snakes on a Plane? There was a boa there--it ate that obnoxious british guy.

Sorry, this is just terrible. LAVA?!? Through a few miles, minimum, of the earth's crust, just summoning up a freaking VOLCANO. No. NO!

0/5.

 

2/5 . the character of Harry changes extremely quickly, well may be it could be tolerated due to Sirius's death but harry becoming very smart all of a sudden is not reasonable. also there are plot mistakes like harry using one of snape's spells, as the story is post-ootp not hbp. introduction of a snake, which is also very extra-ordinary in magical standards, is quite boring.

 

Makes you wonder how he will keep up with updates when writing chapters for three different stories.

Nothing more to add.

3.5/5 Pairing, good writing, and some form of plot.
What more is there to ask.

 

Just before I read it, I have to say from the summary it sounds as if he just plucked the title Marsgrave from thin air, with no real idea of what it means.

Will edit with more later.

 

Ok, can't edit now that I've gotten around to coming back.

The fic is ok, but not brilliant. Grammar is ok, style is not too bad, plot is a bit cliche, slightly off the wall, but over all acceptable.

There were a number of mistakes, more of the specific details which most folk wouldn't pick up on, but still there.

Overall, 3/5

 

I think you're too forgiving. The writing ability is average--the author jumps from plot point to plot point with no style, hardly giving enough time for the reader to really understand what's going on. The plot points themselves are disappointing--the cliches aren't even done in newer, interesting ways, which would be a huge redeeming factor. There's nothing special about this story, I don't think it deserves to be in the library.

 

Hence why I gave it 3/5, it is still readable, and is between the Unrecommended thread and the Trash Bin. Its on the verge between them, and more folk are likely to see it in the Trash Bin than in the other thread.

 

I stumbled across this thread by sheer coincidence, and registed solely for the sake of responding. Margrave is the English form of the German title Markgraf. My first language is Chinese, but I've been speaking English for long enough lol.

I've never really written fanfiction seriously before, and so far I've only taken first year English in high school, and everything up until the end of the schooly year was focused on essay writing, and I've no experience with how to efficiently string plots in a story together.

I'd appreciate specific suggestions on how to make Harry's personality change more realistic. I conceded that the appearance of the snake is somewhat of a deus ex machina, but it is an important parallel I am attempting to draw between Harry and Voldemort, what with their snake familiars. What do you think of the snake simply staying there, but was prevented from finding Harry because of the wards, and vice versa?

I caught the Sectumsempra mistake and fixed it a while ago, and will go back and tone down the uber-snake. I'm also scrapping the entire thought process of Harry deducing Voldemort's plan from nothing and simply have his Gryffindor nature take over.

 

Em.. Do you know what Margrave means ? It's not a hereditary title right now and as far as I know it died out. Margraves where Counts that had their lands on the border and thus where defenders of it. They had bigger lawmaking rights on their lands and were mostly the richest in the country because of maintaining a constant army and often raiding the foreign lands.


Dumbledore giving Harry an allmighty powerfull book with millenium old spells? Don't think so.

Harry suddently getting a brain ? Nope... The process takes longer.

 

The title Margrave in Britain is traditionally given to someone who holds a royal office that is of a practical capacity, like the Keeper of the Royal Stables and the Master of the Royal Fireworks. Mostly ceremonial positions. The equivalent for less practical based positions is the Landsgrave, such as the Keeper of the Royal Records and so forth.

 

while the story does have a few Inherent faults (such as the lava bit) Most of them are in the early chapters, and it also has several excellent original concepts in the later chapters. I'd say it's at least a 3.5-4 myself.

 

Seems ok till now if you can overlook the rapid changes in the pace of the story. Sometimes it is rushed while some parts got boring. But author does have an original plotline though. Snake replacing Hedwig was a bit much. Hedwig has been with Harry for 5 years and him abandoning her for a snake he has known for mere weeks is a bit much.

I honestly can't believe Dumbledore still doesn't suspect Harry. I mean a wizard of his power should have noticed the changes in Harry's room, especially when he was less than 10 feet away when Harry masked the changes. Also he is not stupid so as not to even suspect the use of another wand by Harry when he is almost sure no one else outside his family has seen that spell-book.

3/5