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WIP The Mind Arts by Wu Gang - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Haze, Jan 26, 2018.

  1. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

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    EDIT to previous post... (it's too late for me to actually edit it, I believe). I have to drop the rating to 1/5. It's not for anything new, but the things I listed above just grew out of control for me, and I just had to quite reading. Absolutely not library worthy, in my opinion. We have stuff in the recycle bin that deserves a place in the library more than this story.
     
  2. Dystopian Destiny

    Dystopian Destiny Fourth Year

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    I gave this fic a shot, got to say it disappoints.
    Description of scenes and dialogue is excellent.

    Characterization and pacing is poor.

    Daphne is literally shoved down our throats. I didn't get the point of having Harry's thoughts expressed in first person at times.

    If the fic were to be slowed down a bit, it might solve the characterization problem too. Daphne needs to be reworked though.

    Rating: 2/5
     
  3. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    I still read this, out of boredom, if nothing else.

    I like a lot of the ideas but the execution is off. As the above poster says, characterisation is poor. Daphne reads as a blatant plot device. Harry reads as almost fully autistic. Lately it's becoming more telly than showy too.

    I'd say it's a 2/5.
     
  4. Genghiz Khan

    Genghiz Khan Order Member

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    This. It's been noted in this thread before and the author has seen it, yet they haven't changed their writing. In fact, it's got even worse. I'm downgrading my rating to a 2/5 as well.
     
  5. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Wait you're all not impressed with Dementor!Harry battling bitches and laying hoes? This is easily the most 5/5 story I've read in a bit.
     
  6. Triliro

    Triliro Second Year

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    Still has a ton of potential imo, but recently it's felt a bit disappointing, still probably a 3/5 in recents but could easily shoot up to a 4 or 5.
     
  7. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    The Mind Arts has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 191,277
    Updated: 2019-04-30 05:53:34 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-28 07:53:15 UTC
    Previously updated: 28 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  8. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Heir DLP Supporter

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    So, spoilers and whatnot, but a review thread shouldn't require a warning...

    I can't fucking wait to see how Harry's plans to smash and grab Grindelwald's memories within the depths of Nurmengard backfires. Also, the literal master shit will be interesting to follow.
     
  9. Agent One

    Agent One Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Maybe the author modified his earlier chapters, but did I miss a chapter or something? I just read through the whole thing and it seems like for some reason, Harry just suddenly decided he was going to be a dictator?
     
  10. Genghiz Khan

    Genghiz Khan Order Member

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    I've been following this fic for a while and I'm as confused by this as you are.
     
  11. A Lightning

    A Lightning Seventh Year

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    I think it's a mix of Harry fearing for his life (almost killed by Crouch) and him learning that having followers increases a wizards power. Do we know where he learned the latter fact? Maybe it was from Grindelwald, but it does feel like the thought process wasn't shown fully.
     
  12. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    I haven't caught up with this in a minute (stopped somewhere around the Malachite conflict), but I'm not surprised Harry wants to be a dictator.

    He's very manipulative, has a hard time seeing people as whole beings, and always finds a way to rationalise his behaviour.

    In a way, his little group of Hogwarts friends already were his proto-followers. This story has been pushing towards Harry becoming as Great as Voldemort, Dumbledore, and Grindelwald. So, I'd say it checks out.
     
  13. TieHat

    TieHat Groundskeeper

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    I'm with you guys. It feels like all the careful worldbuilding and the power balancing is about to go out the window.
     
  14. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    Got caught up with this a few days ago, and I stand by my initial sentiment. It makes sense to me, Harry's been raving about centennial wizards for ages.

    @MonkeyEpoxy - I agree. No way this works out as planned. Harry will fuck up somehow, whether he succeeds in stealing Grindelwald's memories or not, and I hope this leads to an open conversation between Dumbledore and Harry. That scene at St. Mungos was quite touching, with Harry feeling pangs of guilt when Dumbledore comes to visit.

    Not sure if I was impressed or underwhelmed by the first task. In the end, it boils down to a big boom, and I found myself more interested in Harry's sudden boost in confidence after his little show.
     
  15. ZombieHunter

    ZombieHunter Fifth Year

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    Harry seems to have a desire and drive to obtain knowledge akin to Pompey the Great's desire for honors and accolades. I have a suspicion that just as Lucius Sulla had Pompey clocked exactly for what he was, so too does Grindlewald in this story have Harry clocked for his exact motivations. If that's the case, Harry may end up known as adulescentulus carnifex too.
     
  16. stayintheloop

    stayintheloop First Year

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    Plot speculations aside, I must admit I was rather dissapointed by the narrative choices made by the author for chapters 24/25. While I understand these chapters serve as the groundworks for the arcs of the characters that come to fruition later in the story, It all felt rather dry and overly dramatic to me. I would have prefered if the author had approached this challenge slowly and with more nuance than how it was done.

    Especially the scene in particular where Daphne calls Harry 'Master' compares Harry so blantantly to canon Voldemort. I think there are certainly more interesting/entertaining ways to establish Harry's lust for power rather than copying patterns established in canon word for word. This coupled with the fact that Harry, who otherwise seems to be quite attune to other characters emotions and beliefs, is completely unaware of the very 'Dark Lord' vibes that he seems to be exuding (and the lack of acknowledgement of this fact by other characters, despite these characters being established as clever/sharp)
    In earlier chapters, I found his moral struggle regarding his contact with Grindelwald more intersting because he clearly questioned his own beliefs, in addition to questioning his loyalty to Dumbeldore.

    Also what irked me quite a bit about chapter 25 was that the interactions between characters that did not involve Harry directly were still only about discussing Harry, or discussing other characters relationships with Harry. I really don't see any point in this, and found it quite boring to read. I would rather see Harry as the main character interact with other characters directly than having to read exposition thinly disguised as conversation.

    And lastly,though I suppose not many of you will agree with me, I just found Daphne's characterization in chapter 25 to be an all-around cringey read. I imagine the author meant to portray her as cunning, manipulative and shrewd, however, it gave me a very strong 'fantasy submissive girlfriend' energy. Daphne seems to worship the ground that Harry walks on, no longer questions any of his motives or decisions, and yearns for nothing but to be close to him.

    I hope to see aforementioned issues improve in future chapters.
     
  17. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    You know, this is a theme that I don't think has been explored much in fanfic, but which actually has a lot of potential: equals becoming unequal.

    It's something that most adults will be familiar with at some point or another in their lives, either when they are promoted above a peer, or a peer is promoted above them. It changes the dynamic of a relationship.

    If done well, I think a story where Harry pulls ahead of his peer group and becomes "master" to them could actually explore some very interesting relationship dynamics.

    I'm not saying it's done well here - I stopped reading this fic a long time ago, when it became clear that the author was lurching from one idea to another without any kind of narratively satisfying structure to the story. But still - there's potential there.
     
  18. stayintheloop

    stayintheloop First Year

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    I agree that there is potential. In previous chapters Harry's relationship with Neville drastically changes, and I thought that was done very well.

    It is the nature of Harry's and Daphne's relationship that makes such a transition more complicated. Several times in the last two/three chapters, Harry is shown to care genuinely for Daphne's well-being/safety. However, when it is Harry himself who is doing damage to her personhood neither he nor Daphne truly seem to care. In fact, during this scene in particular in which Harry draws Daphne's blood, Daphne seems to enjoy getting this kind of attention from him.

    Ethical concerns aside, I think this makes for a really boring dynamic. Daphne has been established in this story as a crafty, manipulative person who mostly looks out for her own self-interest. Therefore, as a result of this particular scene, there should be some sort of moral conflict (Either with Harry, Daphne, or both). By foregoing this, the author has essentially devaluated Daphe's character.
     
  19. Hesser

    Hesser Squib

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    Solid 4/5
    Engrossing story, once I started reading it was really difficult to stop. The only problem I have is that it lacks this 'journey' that is mentioned in the summary. One moment Harry is dueling against students, the next time he is winning against terminator-death eaters. How doest it happen?
     
  20. ZombieHunter

    ZombieHunter Fifth Year

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    To be fair, the Terminator-Death Eater had orders to capture him, not kill him. The restrictions of Peter's ROE limit what kind of force he can utilize and gives Harry a bit of an advantage because Harry has no such limitations in what force he can use.
     
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