Someone should do a spin-off called The Potter Tradition of Bookworms, highlight H/Hr clichés, then post it on Portkey. Just for the lulz.

Feel free to ignore this post at own discretion, I'm in a weird mood currently.

 

I see brilliance in the making.

Harry and Hermione are making love - their relationship is nearly ended when Hermione threatens to kill Harry for making noise in the quiet section when he moans - and the librarian stumbles upon them. The librarian charges Hermione for replacing the books she and Harry soiled with their bodily fluids.

Hermione becomes depressed and suffers massive angst, because as a muggleborn of Muggle parents with only a modest income, she lacks the sufficient funds to replace the books. Now, not only is Harry's life at stake with Voldemort on the rise, but Hermione's library privileges become imperiled.

She is given a deadline of a month to replace the books. It is like a ticking clock, an hourglass that creeps towards depletion with each passing day. A cancer that eats away at the very core of her being.

Determined to save her from the impending pain, Harry creates another acronym in the tradition of S.P.E.W, something like the Help Someone Replace Cum-Splattered Books Fundraiser.

It fails spectacularly, and they become jaded, seeing that those that were previously thought to be friends spurn and ridicule them. Hermione becomes plagued with guilt, her every moment is haunted day and night by the copy of Hogwarts, A History she ruined. Harry vows to massacre everyone and dedicate their kills to her name. They share a tender moment, the last that they share before they are torn apart by circumstance.

Finally, despairing at her plight, Harry decides to dip into his own funds, but uncovers a conspiracy centered around a manipulative Dumbledore, one that is epic in scope. He fights for independence, for the money that will relieve his beloved of her burden.

Hermione becomes desperate in Harry's absence, and then infiltrates the Death Eaters with flawed logic, becoming the whore to every motherfucker with the Dark Mark and a wand. Unlike the other stories in which the author likes to think she is a spy, but is in actuality just there to exercise her genitals, she charges money. As a novelty, she makes millions, and drives the Weasley out of business in an outburst of anger.

A perplexed Harry points out she could have been a whore servicing normal customers, which she readily agrees to. The final phase of this turmoil is how they reconcile and forgive each other, despite how far they've fallen.

And that's it. That's the foundation for the greatest Harry/Hermione story ever to be written for all of time ever.

I'm in a weird mood too.

 

._O

*cough*

Okay, what's with this fic? First page is disheartening, yet it survived to the library. Did I miss something along the line? (What with being far to lazy to look through the ten pages at the moment.)

 

Read it, or read the ten pages.

 

So its not a horrible H/G jackoff fic? I suspected as much when I saw the author, but the first page was, um, disheartening.

To say the least. >>

 

xD Thaaaank you.

Though I must say your pre-edit post was more amusing.

 

First post:

Page 5:

I guess I should give it a try then.

 

More pedagogical than funny, but you're preaching to the choir here. I really wonder what the ffnet reviews were like.

 

LOL, I just discovered this brilliant thread, and I too REALLY want to see what the ff.net reviews for chapter 3 were like. Did you save them, by chance, Daffy?

 

I wish he did. They were completely and totally awesome. Especially as he had build up a readership for that story by then.

:awesome

 

Oh man, I remember back when this fic was on ffnet.

The reviews were hilarious. I actually just reread through the thread, if you care enough, there is a copy of one review somewhere after page 7 I think.