The Return of Lost Son by anshsingh

Author Summary : Something impossible has arrived in a world preparing for a war. In Shadows, a man is watching a family that was never his.

The writing is solid, the story is interesting. I am a sucker for dimension/time travel fics but this one feels different. A little mystery to start, everyone feels real and authentic. Author updates almost daily, it seems like most of the story was written before he started to publish.

Noted that the author states he uses AI to edit and spellcheck. I've never used AI myself, so not sure if he's used AI to do more than that.

 

I'm only a few chapters in, and my feelings are mixed. There are virtually no spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, and it's generally well written. With that being said, the paragraphs are too short, and the constant line breaks make it a bit annoying to read.

There's a compelling idea behind the story too, and the first chapter, with its mystery and tension building is excellent, and a bit scary. There could be a real thriller here jf the author wanted it. The dialogue is good, and the character reactions make them feel real and alive. But nothing is happening except dialogue and character reactions. Faces tighten, gazes sharpen, we are told that Harry looks at people's hands first several times. After the first chapter there's no real mystery, I've been reading versions of this fic for over 10 years, and I can confidently predict pretty much everything that's going to happen (0-800 rent a hero and A Black Comedy come to mind as examples of the trope). But the author keeps maintaining the suspense well past the point of credulity, and no one is being proactive. Characters aren't reacting like normal human beings, they're simultaneously too trusting and too paranoid, asking meaningless questions and ignoring the obvious ones that will allow them to figure out what's going on.

It's tedious and starting to be a bit boring. I think I will read some more to see if anything actually happens, but at this rate it will be getting a low rating from me.

I have no idea if it has been written by an LLM or not (the only thing I've noticed is that the author likes listing things in threes which is meant to be a tell, but good writers do that too.), but if so, a prompt urging more decisive action wouldn't go amiss. If not, then the chatbot editing the fic needs to make some cuts and urge less tedious show and a bit more tell to hurry things along.

 

I don't think using AI is a sin. I use it myself. Sometimes I write a sentence or paragraph and I'm not sure about the grammar. I drop it into a chatbot. Sometimes I need to rewrite a phrase or can't think of a synonym. Chatbots can be great for that. I'm not gonna go around throwing certain accusations, because I'm not certain, but I'll tell you what draws my attention just in the first chapter.

As Drachna noted, line breaks everywhere, tiny paragraphs. Everything is emphasized, so nothing is.

Dialogue is dry as fuck. Dialogue tags and character beats are absent.

Things coming in threes, with alliteration.

Seriously, when was the last time you saw a human write dialogue like this? Every line is curt. No tags or beats to break it up or add some flavor.

The first chapter does strike me as not so much edited by AI rather than drafted by AI and edited by a human who added something here and there to text generated based on a detailed prompt.

 

I don't know how anyone could look at the formatting in this and not just close the tab.