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WIP The Second String by Eider Down - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by sildet, Oct 6, 2018.

  1. sildet

    sildet Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2015
    Messages:
    170
    Title: [The Second String]
    Author: [Eider Down]
    Rating: [M]
    Genre: [Drama]
    Status: [WIP]
    Library Category: [AU]
    Pairings: [None so far]
    Summary: [Everyone knows Dementors can take souls, but nothing says that they have to keep them. After the Dementor attack in Little Whinging ends disastrously, Harry must find a place for himself in the past, fighting a different sort of war against the nascent Voldemort. A new perspective on the 1970s time travel genre. Updates weekly on Saturdays. Some slash much later..]
    Link: [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13010260/13/The-Second-String ]

    I figured I'd post this here. I'm enjoying it enough that I almost put it up for review, but I thought a more regular poster/better writer could decide to do so once the story gets a bit further in. Harry is a little OOC at times, but he gets better as the story goes on. This fic also updates every Saturday. The technical writing seems good too. I'll give it a 4/5 for now.

    Harry is whisked back in time and has to pretend to be a squib. Abelforth takes him in. It's an interesting glimpse into the treatment of squibs etc. And Harry does eventually continue his magical education for those who are turned away by his initial squibiness. I'm enjoying the author's OCs and different looks at cannon characters through the eyes of a squib.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  2. Shouldabeenadog

    Shouldabeenadog Order Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Messages:
    832
    Location:
    California
    Albus dumbledore is so cartoonish he would fit in a Rocky and Bulwinkle cartoo. He reminds me most of Boris with his over the top idiocy.

    Better titled as Harry Potter the squib, it does a good job of exploring hogs head and more of hogsmeade.

    I caught up to it, and I have no interest in finishing it. Harry the sanctimonious squib is fine, but I can't read an expected 400k words of it.

    3/5
     
  3. Lord_Revan

    Lord_Revan Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Messages:
    7
    High Score:
    0
    Well the writer is certainly above the average of the usual crowd as far as the mechanics of the writing are concerned but that barely hides a tangled mess of cliches. Horrible Dumbledore portray is one thing but Harry is absolutely unbearable to read. It fits very well to the shitty Hurt/Comfort genre over at fanfiction and I think that is damning enough for a fic.

    I don't mind the contrived reasons for squib thing either, there might be some stuff to explore there. But when you make your main character fill almost checklist for a emo teenager that has the emotional spectrum up to eleven and cycles through all of them in every scene, everything else loses its luster.

    2/5
     
  4. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 17
    Words: 145,652
    Updated: 2018-11-03 21:59:55 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 7 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  5. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 18
    Words: 157,495
    Updated: 2018-11-10 15:12:30 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 7 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  6. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 19
    Words: 167,188
    Updated: 2018-11-17 15:31:41 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 7 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  7. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 20
    Words: 174,723
    Updated: 2018-11-24 14:49:24 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 7 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  8. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 21
    Words: 183,521
    Updated: 2018-12-01 15:17:21 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 7 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  9. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 22
    Words: 194,080
    Updated: 2018-12-06 01:44:25 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 4 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  10. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 23
    Words: 208,925
    Updated: 2018-12-15 16:06:35 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 10 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  11. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 24
    Words: 217,789
    Updated: 2018-12-31 16:34:39 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 16 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  12. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 226,067
    Updated: 2019-01-09 05:08:12 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 9 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  13. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 26
    Words: 235,670
    Updated: 2019-02-23 20:54:55 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: about 2 months ago
    New Summary:
    Everyone knows Dementors can take souls, but nothing says that they have to keep them. After the Dementor attack in Little Whinging ends disastrously, Harry must find a place for himself in the past, fighting a different sort of war against the nascent Voldemort. A new perspective on the 1970s time travel genre. Updates weekly on Saturdays. Some slash much later.

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  14. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2011
    Messages:
    1,454
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cascadia
    Chalk this one up to the fact that I'm easily amused I guess, because I love this. It's filled with OCs that have great personality, and the canon characters are pretty well done too - I'm not sure what people's standards are as far as Albus goes, but I don't find him nearly as tropey as other reviewers here do, and he's markedly better later on. It does have a bit of PTSD type things in it that turn some readers off I guess, but it's not an overwhelming part of the story, so I'm good with it.

    All in all, it's not a gem or anything, but it's easy reading that doesn't make me want to skip forward and see if it's going to be worth keeping up with. 3.5/5 for me, rounded up to 4/5 for voting.

    EDIT: Hey, if you're going to just swing by and drop a one-star rating on something, at least have the stones to leave a reason why. There are three votes unaccounted for by posts that total up to 4 points - one 2-star and two 1-star apparently. I'd out them if I had the power to, but I can't see them. Come on, people.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2019
  15. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,021
    Its a slashfic featuring an orientation bent Harry. For many that is reason enougho rate it one star. Add in all the Angst and it is a niche fic that will piss off those who arent fans of said niche.
     
  16. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,021
    The slash is negligible. Just read it on FFN and they cut out anything that would be over a certain rating or comfort for most people. Largely a decent read, I found myself not totally turned off of it until about the end. There's something with the last couple updates where the pace feels off compared to the earlier bits. The thing I liked most about this was that they weren't afraid kill a character, it was quite abrupt and I feel like I missed something, but oh well. Over all pretty well executed.

    The other thing that got me was in the last update where he casts multiple patronus and then seemingly suffers from magical fatigue. I forsee golden patronus of death slaying to come, powered by his love for Gideon the clock maker, because they can already sense each others magic. Which if you remove Gideons name and insert random female cast member here is just as bad if it was a non-slash story.

    I kinda thought maybe it would be further along for as many chapters as it had, since at the start they talked about all the chapters they had already wrote and how it was plotted to the end and everything. I guess they're going back and revising and that's going slowly for them.

    . I think the biggest complaint I have about the entire thing is the extremeness in which the author goes about handling Squibs and their role in society, when there are so few examples. The side plots are kind of distracting because while there is no canon entanglement in regards to plot, because Harry at this point isn't Harry any longer in the sense of the bigger picture, I feel like they're just padding word count.

    Some of the more recent updates have been okay, but I think the author is losing consistency in terms of quality of updates

    Aberforth dying I feel put this story in a different gear because prior to that it was Harry pretending to be a squib, but largely not interacting with the cast of characters we're familiar with

    The pirateing shit, the whole squid underground thing, and a few other things are interesting, and go a long way to selling the story as a complete piece. I just wish they'd not spent so long on the first act, when it served very little in regards to setting up the second act. So now we've got a ton of OCs and names to keep up with and that gets really distracting.

    There's no real story here. Its an AU time travel story where Harry gets to meet his parents/does shit in the past that has very little impact on the future I feel. The author does the typical MC sent back in time, deathly afraid of erasing their own existence paradox and I think it could just be emphasized a bit less to make the story more tolerable.

    I made two posts in this thread and never realized it. Merged them because they both contain relevant bits.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2019
  17. Conquistador

    Conquistador High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2017
    Messages:
    526
    Location:
    At Peace
    High Score:
    0
    Maybe it's because I knew this story would end up as slash but I just couldn't get into it. For me, entertainment is more important than technical skill and this story failed in that regard.

    1/5 from me.
     
  18. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 27
    Words: 245,084
    Updated: 2019-03-09 14:40:50 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 14 days ago
    New Summary:
    Everyone knows Dementors can take souls, but nothing says that they have to keep them. After the Dementor attack in Little Whinging ends disastrously, Harry must find a place for himself in the past, fighting a different sort of war against the nascent Voldemort. A new perspective on the 1970s time travel genre. Some slash much later.

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  19. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    The Second String has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 28
    Words: 253,418
    Updated: 2019-03-24 19:12:35 UTC
    Published: 2018-07-22 21:10:17 UTC
    Previously updated: 15 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  20. Trougue100

    Trougue100 Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    High Score:
    0
    To be honest it does do an excellent job of managing expectations and characterization...it is a pretty good read.
     
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