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Complete The Skitterleap by enembee - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by enembee, Jun 20, 2009.

  1. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Title: The Skitterleap
    Author: enembee
    Rating: M
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Thriller
    DLP Category: Alternate
    Pairing: Harry/Fleur
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 65,165
    Updated: October 11, 2010
    Published: June 19, 2009

    Status: Complete
    Link: Patronus Charm
    FF.NET

    Summary: For fifty years Grindlewald has ruled his empire with an iron fist, his armies crushing all those who would oppose him. As his eyes and warmongering fall upon the East, one Officer finds himself caught up in a plot that could destroy the Empire.

    It's been in WBA for over a year now and I've finally gotten to a point where I can actually be bothered to dedicate some serious time updating it. Chapters 1 and 2 are up there, 3 is in beta and so will be up there ASAP, chapters 4 and 5 in progress. I don't think this should be moved outside of the 'For Review' board until it's of a bit more decent length, but I'd like to get a wider set of opinions on it than just the usual WBA posters.


    Checked by Minion, January 9, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
  2. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    4/5, certainly belongs in the Library.

    This is one of most original views on HP universe I've ever seen. Great action scenes, logical backstory, tons of interesting ideas.

    On the other hand, lack of updates didn't keep me up at night so I can't give it a 5.
     
  3. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    I haven't been reading this in the WbA, instead choosing to wait until the final copy hit FF.net.

    I didn't realize just how much I was missing out. Fantastic start to the story, one of the clearest 5's I've come across in HP FF.
     
  4. Matian

    Matian Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    I actually thought it was a Star Wars crossover when I saw the summary on FF.net.

    It's a very original story and I'm truly thrilled that I have no clue whatsoever on where you're taking this story. The world I've seen so far in your story is incredible dark and bleak and somewhat reminiscent of what I imagine Hitler's Reich to have been (which is the point, I guess).

    While I applaud your attempt in making the Danish into bloodthirsty fighting machines (yes, it did make me blush), I feel I must inform you that we've lost just about every war we've ever been in. Although commenting on how obviously awesome vikings were, is an accepted type of flattery. :)

    5/5
     
  5. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    Actually you should change the summary because that DOES really look like Star Wars.
     
  6. rocket_runner

    rocket_runner Seventh Year

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    You wrote the military point of view very well. I look forward to reading more. If you don't mind me asking, is Fleur going to appear soon or does she come much later in the story?
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2009
  7. Xantam

    Xantam Denarii Host

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    Read the thread in WbA.
     
  8. rocket_runner

    rocket_runner Seventh Year

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    Thank you.
     
  9. Osprey Trapper

    Osprey Trapper Second Year DLP Supporter

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    I've been following this in the WbA author thread, and liked it!

    The fact that you've got an interesting plot *and* good writing styles makes it a 5/5 from me.

    As the other people said though, it does sound a bit like star wars with the emperor thing....and we all know how those crossovers turn out :rolleyes:.

    Looking forward to more.
     
  10. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    I changed the summary, I hope it sounds less Star War-esque now. Is it a sign of my misplaced Sci-Fi loyalties that when writing the first one Star Wars never crossed my mind, but instead I was worried about the WH40K parallels?

    On another note, thanks for your comments, hope the following chapters live up to your expectations or exceeds them.
     
  11. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    It arrives at FFnet at last!

    I think this holds the crown record for the most consecutive 5 star ratings in the WBA. It had an unanimous perfect rating at twenty votes, and for once it wasn't overrated.

    Inventive plot, great intrigue, and brimming with details.

    Someone already mentioned it in the WBA thread, but I like how you don't overexpose Riddle. He is mysterious without you aggressively trying to portray him that way, like fangirls of male villainous characters tend to do. He reads like the legends Harry hears and he's only one of an entire cast of promising characters.

    I said it before, but when I grow up, I would like to be like enembee.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  12. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

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    I've been following this (impatiently as anyone else) since its appearance in WbA. It's mindblowing and I'm glad to see it's finally getting some attention and posting on PC and ff.net.

    This is probably the most inventive set-ups I've seen to any AU, ever, and it manages to somehow (I really don't know how) still feel like Harry Potter, albeit a more mature Harry Potter. The action, intrigue and backstory are all well-paced and leave readers wanting more. There's nothing much more to say about it, except Read This Shit.

    5/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  13. CompulsiveLiar

    CompulsiveLiar First Year DLP Supporter

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    I just read this fic and I must say it is one of the best, most original ones I have read in a long time.

    It was so well written that I was actually freaked out by the thought of dementors in Leipzig and was scared to go outside for a second. Hardly any original works, let alone fanfics leave such an impression on me, so definite kudos there.

    I look forward to reading more in the future.

    5/5 - no hesitation.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  14. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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  15. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Not misplaced at all :D. Though the parallels between the Empire and the Imperium are pretty awesome.
     
  16. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

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    I was waiting for this fic to show up in there... and well, what can I say? It's a great fic, honestly, and it's a very different take on Harry Potter (almost so much that it's difficult to call it Harry Potter anymore), but something about it doesn't feel right to me.

    Admittedly, there are some utterly awesome bits, and there are some fantastically well-described scenes, and the dialogue is inventive enough to keep me reading, but I find, even with the bits of backstory that are being given, I'm still finding it difficult to connect all the dots. It doesn't help that the update times have been atrociously erratic, and that makes the story difficult to read, particularly one as complex, detail-focused, and fast moving as this one is.

    And this is just personal preference, but I honestly don't think there's enough here just yet for the library. I want to see more of the intrigue, and frankly, with the number of words you have right now, I'm not seeing enough of it.

    4/5, as of now (buoyed by the fact that you write superb combat scenes which I hold behind Shezza's and Joe's only because they seem somewhat unclear and hard to follow at times), but a definite potential five. But I'm going to want to see more before I raise my rating.
     
  17. darklordmike

    darklordmike Headmaster

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    It's a fantastic story; first-rate from start to finish.

    It's so AU as to be just barely a Harry Potter story, but like ParseltonguePhoenix said, it still somehow feels like one. It seems like a response to a challenge: "What would have happened if Grindelwald won?" I'm really looking forward to the back story here. The author is doing a great job of revealing little bits with each new chapter.

    My only real criticism is that there's too much muggle-style fighting going on--trench warfare, rifles, handguns, etc., particularly in the first chapter. With so many wizards running around, why isn't there more reliance on magic?

    tl;dr: It's enthralling. 5/5
     
  18. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Lots of people have had the same comment mike, but essentially for two reasons; 1) it's much easier to fight magic with magic and 2) bullets are faster than magic.

    Also, obviously it was my concious choice as an author to demonstrate the blending of the two worlds, to provide a sense of gritty warfare that I feel it's very difficult to achieve with magic (while spells are pretty flashes of light, it's hard to think of gunfire, shells, bombs, etc as anything other than deadly) and because it's something that everyone's seen a hundred times in war films, something people are immediately going to identify with.
     
  19. Anubis

    Anubis Seventh Year

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    5/5. Easily the best start to a piece of HP fanfiction that I have read in a long time.

    Very refreshing to see an AU fic routed in such a gritty, historical basis that has simply been expanded upon. Obviously this story will follow Harry's path in the war torn world, but I would also hope that we see a little more of the backstory teased at the start of Chapter 2, and in small parts of Chapter 1 - I think it would greatly enrich the story. I am greatly intrigued as to how the world got like this - how it diverged from reality, and more details of the transition from Hitler to Grindelwald.

    That aside, spelling and grammar was generally very good (though I must admit, I was under the misconception that Lieutenant had been misspelled for a short time - until I realised it was the German spelling), and the whole thing is well structured. More importantly, the actions being taken felt realistic and appropriate for the world - I don't recall any instances where I thought "That feels out of place", something usually a regular occurance in fanfiction for me.

    Overall, I am looking forward to more of this. Very promising.
     
  20. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    To be honest, I just got confused and a little bored, the more I read. It's written well and uses an interesting concept, but it just didn't haul me in and keep me prisoner.

    I honestly don't know why.
     
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