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Abandoned The Tangibility of Magic by Jolly Rancher - PG13

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Rahkesh Asmodaeus, Apr 5, 2005.

  1. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Title: The Tangibility of Magic
    Author: Jolly Rancher also known as Sree
    Rating: PG-13(T)
    Category: Action/Adventure/Romance
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 24,065
    Updated: June 11, 2005
    Published: November 8, 2004
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Post OoTP-After recieving a letter and a book from Sirius, Harry decides to take control of his life. New friends and training. Contains Dark!Harry, but not Evil!Harry. Rating for some profanity.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2127514/1/


    Checked by Minion, September 2, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2013
  2. LordArken

    LordArken Guest

    Review!

    That was probably one of the better stories (about a dark harry, that isn't evil) that i have read. Keep it up, i hope you review soon. that's all for now.
     
  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    ya super fic. i love it. absolutely amazing. however we need update.
     
  4. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Thanks :)

    I promise to try to update soon. I'm not at my house right now, so that might be a problem. But I'm coming along!

    BTW, it's called "Conversations"

    Harry has a little talk with Remus about his use of the Cruciatus Curse...
     
  5. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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    Love it. Update soon.
     
  6. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    i cant wait for the next chapter
     
  7. Not along my fav lines in the setting. Though I love the idea of harry being a dark mage, willing to use any magic to get by. The story itself is well written, and thought out. I'm sure I'll be a loyal reader of this one till it ends.
     
  8. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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  9. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    i love the word play of when he say unforgiveibles instead of dark magic
     
  10. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    It's very well-written and nearly perfect in the structural sense, which is more than I can say for the vast majority of fanfics. I prefer my Dark!Harry evil and everything, personally, but this one is worth following even if he continues to fester on the side of the light.
     
  11. I like this so far, it's well written. Do try to update soon, will you? Oh, and the change off look? Love it! I've seen a lot of people get Harry contacts, and highlights, but I must say most people don’t change the eye color or go as far as to give him white in his hair. Though the way you described it sounded great....
     
  12. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Hehe, it's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah, I've been busy with all kinds of crap...namely college apps. Sorry about that. But bad news: I've been rereading this story, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not as good as I once thought it was. Maybe I've gotten more mature in my reading, I dunno. But this story is riddled with cliches and some dialogues are really not done well. I've decided to do a revamp of the thing and try to take out all the cliches. Hopefully, after I'm done, the story will be many times better than it is now. I'm going to list out the cliches to show what I intend to take out/change.

    Cliches:

    - Harry deciding to practice the Dark Arts right away after receiving a letter from Sirius. I dunno, maybe I'll have Death Eaters attack Privet Drive and have Harry fights them with Light Magic, realizes it's not working, and starts trying out some spells he read in the book. And I'll probably change the whole letter around as well, the tone didn't really sound like Sirius to me.

    - The whole taking the detector spell off his wand. That's definately a bad cliche, with a plot hole, what happens when the Ministry can detect no magic coming off Harry's wand while in school? Yeah, bad idea that.

    - A muggle girl taking Harry out and getting his look changed completely.

    - Harry scaring Stan and a few other people on the Knight Bus. Not right away, I think I'll have him start scaring people after

    - The whole "credit card" thing with Gringotts. I'll probably use a money bag instead. Still a cliche, but it's better than the credit card since it has wizarding roots. I think this is a needed cliche.

    - The trunk...oh man, what was I thinking? Yes, definately have to get rid of the trunk. Urgh, I can't believe I had a TRUNK in this. :puke:

    - Getting a new wand from Ollivander's - NO. I see now that Ollivander would probably report the new purchase to Dumbledore, and not keep it a secret. Yeah, I'll get a new wand from elsewhere.

    - His conversation with the Dark Arts book owner. I don't know why I even put the place wide out in the open. Blah. And the dialogue was horrendous. Yeah, I'll probably nix this whole thing and come up with some other way for Harry to get his stuff.

    - Uh...after all these changes, I think chapter six and seven will become void. Damn, and I liked those chapters too.


    The only problem is, I really don't think Harry has the fashion skills to go out and buy some of his own clothes. That's one of the main reasons I included Cathy in this. And I do like her, but I feel that it's been overused, some muggle taking Harry shopping and giving him a new look. What do you guys think? I really don't know what to do with her. Advice, please?
     
  13. DGD

    DGD Headmaster

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    Use her somewhere else. I suggest not changing Harry's look to -
    A. Tight leather faggot style.
    B. Tight anything style.
    C. Bright colors.
    D. Super hero style (example - The Silver Mask).
    E. Punk, nuff said.

    I prefer -
    A. regular muggle clothing (example - bluejeans and a not tight t-shirt).

    or

    B. Dark Wizard type clothing (example - black cowled cloak)

    These are just my opinions, you can do whatever you want with your story.

    EDIT BY VASH: Dont double post the same thing. Edit post if you must add anyting.
     
  14. Silke

    Silke Second Year

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    Just let him go and buy his own clothes and when he go to cashier she will just laugh at him!
    A girl will help him but well atleast it will be in a different way.
    Embarrass him.

    Or have him spy on other teenagers!

    Bribe Dudley, he's an idiot but he gotta know atleast some shit, right?


    lol ok seriously i've no idea.

    Why you need help to buy a regular t-shirt with something on it and a couple of regular jeans is beyond me though, he doesn't really NEED to have some badass clothes that will cost 500$ for a pair of socks.
     
  15. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    i never understood why he needs the muggle clothing...just leave him with wizard clothing.just turn cathy into a girl who he meet in knockturn alley(keep the same background) and she shows him where all the best stores are or something...i donno its up to you so you get to pick in the end...i love this fic by the way.
     
  16. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Well, let's see, it seems to me that you have two problems:
    1) Harry's motivation for studying (dark arts)
    2) Harry getting clothes & some social training, without having to drag a muggle character through the rest of the story.

    Solution? Surprisingly simple.

    Have Harry meet the muggle girl, who takes him around, buys him clothes and fixes his attitude. Then, the DEs attack and kill the girl / torture her to insanity. Harry learns that stupefy wasn't enough to save her, thus making him delve into the Dark Arts.
     
  17. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Hmm...ty, I think I can work with that. Though I don't want Cathy to die, I kind of like her. But maybe I can have it in the same scene where Polkiss dies. And have Cathy tortured at the same time. Hmm... ::ponders::
     
  18. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Have her brain-fried. Harry learns powerful magic and later, when he becomes super-ass-basher, he finds a way to cure her (and the Longbottoms as well). Happy End.
     
  19. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    lol, I don't want this story to be turned into a super-powered one where Harry can do things that people have been trying to do for centuries. But perhaps I'll have her fall into a cruciatus induced coma, then have her wake up a few months later.
     
  20. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    make her into a gray witch...she could show him the middle road beween the light and the dark
     
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