I actually liked this a lot more at the beginning than I do at the moment. It's getting to be a laundry list of killings - I think the plot needs a little more advancing at this point. Sure, the beginning sixteen chapters were slow, but Harry's all-consuming obsession and its self-destructive consequences were interesting to me on a psychological level. I've seen too many self-destructive Harrys in fic that are poorly done, so this one was a nice change. Another point I liked about this one was that Harry's shift in personality had some actual consequences re: his friends distancing themselves. I thought that was also fairly well-done in comparison to other fics where this occurs.

4/5 but it's starting to go downhill a bit - the plot's getting bogged down.

 

I have to agree with the previous post. I can see that the author is slowly trying to highlight the psychological effect of the mindset Harry has taken in regards to the war. This is the only redeeming thing about his recent work. In his haste to post, the writing has gotten very shoddy. Many of his sentences have become basic to the point that whole portions of a chapter reads like a list.

"Harry did this..."
"Then Harry did that..."
"He slept for three hours"
"Then he did this again"

Also the authors penchant for a slow progression of the underlying story (how Harry is fucking himself up) is getting tedious. It wouldn't be so bad if there where other thing to distract you from it (like a decent plot).

I do have a slight gripe with logic behind Harry's talent with magic aswell. Occlumency a ward - thats just lazy.
The last battle scene was a complete flop aswell.
"Someone sent a curse at Harry. He dodged and killed them. Then he killed some random, saving Bill from certain death".
Where is the excitment if he can do things so effortlessly.

P.S. those aren't quotes, I'm just paraphrasing. Though to be honest the actual quotes aren't much better.

 

Don't know why we had the red shoe diaries interlude in the latest chapter....

"Harry turned and saw Snape frozen at the top of the steps to the dungeons, a book in hand.
Harry grinned and purposefully whipped his head grandly back to flip his hair over his shoulder before he faced his professor.
"I suppose it depends on who starts offering me ones and fives, Professor." Harry said, raising an eyebrow and struggling to keep his serious tone.
"I believe it is wise to find a market before you start advertising a supply, Mr. Potter," Snape replied, raising an eyebrow back at him.
"Of the two of us, you're the one who began bargaining prices, Professor," Harry replied feeling his grin widen and his mood lift.
Harry thought he saw Snape's cheeks flush slightly and almost expected him to sputter.
"I was curious as to whether you were higher class than Ms. Umbrage, Mr. Potter, and I'm afraid I'm beginning to doubt it." Snape enunciated clearly, flicking his eyes up and down Harry's body.
Harry forced back his grin and raised his eyebrows fully."


WTF? Not sure what is going on here, but it doesn't bode well. The battle scene was pretty decent.

 

Sadly enough, I think I'm becoming a little... disillusioned with the story. The slow progression, the sort-of laundry list of people to kill... It's not exactly the most riveting tale and the Snape buddy-buddy stuff kinda puts me off. Hell, for a moment there, if I didn't know any better, I'd say Harry and Snape were flirting in that quote Sooner90 posted.

So yeah, it's gone from my alerts, but in a few months I'll probably check up on it (By then it'll have multiple new chapters for sure. Sad that even with the great update rate I'm feeling this way) and see where's it ending up.

 

Considering how often Harry uses that heart attack curse, I think it would substantially improve the atmosphere if a Death Eater were occasionally curHNNNNNNNNNGGGGGHH!

 

Lolwut (minus the "lol") ?

 

Oh crap. I somehow got this fic conflated with a similar one in which Harry uses a curse that causes heart attacks. I was thinking about this while walking down the sidewalk, and remembered this fic. It seems I was mistaken.

 

Well, he does use a curse that stops their heart.

Still lacks any decent lulz.

 

I have to say though this story is getting kind of boring.

I really liked this in the beginning now it's getting steadily worse and the latest update was kind of boring.

 

Yeah, I haven't read the last few updates. The author has lost the plot. Literally.

 

This, for the most part, though I'm not sure about the plot progression point - on the contrary, I think he's approaching a resolution.

I've had the benefit of not reading this early on and having to wait for updates; I finished this yesterday to the point it's at after a day of reading it. While later chapters aren't necessarily up to scratch with earlier ones, I'm still enjoying it very much. He's put some thought into this.

The only things that really pissed me off are as follows; dialogue punctuation, such as "Yes, Harry." He said. instead of "Yes, Harry," he said. though it is primarily a nagging point. It's just something I can't stop seeing and stunts it a little. The other, main one, is mistakes. Not mistakes within his own plot, though Moody took a 180 somewhere in there, but rather misinterpretations of Rowling's books and things that he just didn't read. I judge a lot of fanfiction straight off the bat on being able to pick up on and stay consistent with things that Rowling only mentions once, when they're crucial to a large part of an author's fanfic and it isn't an outright AU. If you're going to go with canon to a point, make sure you go with canon, with very few exceptions. There's only a couple, but they stand out.

That said, good points have mainly been touched upon, specifically regarding characterisation and actual conversational content. He has had some very, very interesting ideas, and hasn't badly bungled their development, especially regarding the mechanics of magic. And, as far as I'm concerned with this story, the good outweigh the bad. The Harry & Snape dynamic has developed brilliantly also.

4/5 and looking forward to more. In a few ways, this could have happily replaced HBP, imo.

 

He updated. I had some free time, so I got caught up. The newest chapter is a significant improvement - it really consolidates the last 10 or so chapters of meandering plotline, and does well to lay down a clear path of future plot progression.

It also features a fairly significant advance in the plot in and of itself.

All in all, I'm pretty happy. It looks like the fic is finding its feet again.

 

All pros and cons have already been mentioned.

Despite all its problems I like it because
a) Harry as an workoholic, addicted to studying up to the point when he collapses, is original, even though it is drawn out for too long and riddled with the usual clichés
b) his description of the war and the way Harry and the Order have to deal with the thought of fighting a war isn't brilliant but ok and also quite original
c) it's a kind of super!Harry that actually isn't a superhero and isn't able to solve the war on his own just by snipping his fingers

Some characters are definitely OOC, i.e. Moody, Ginny, Dumbledore and Luna not that much, though authors rarely get Moody done right (paranoid but not insane and not a cold blooded killer).

4/5 , though it's almost a 3/5

 

Awesome fic. Kinda still shell-shocked from it so I won't review, but damn...

Harry is an amazing character in this fic.

 

Well.

That was astoundingly anti-climactic.

The fic is now complete.

 

Had anybody else had problems understanding half of what he tried to express, as if his imagination somehow went through some fuzzy language filter. It's not only that Harry as a character seems to walk through the story under some kind of sedation it must have been the same with the writer. I can't remember reading any other fic with such kind of effect.

 

=/

This fic was pretty much a big disappointment. Felt like the author had a beginning planned out, but then just kinda kept writing more and more aimlessly. He wanted to have Harry change into this new character, which I thought was fairly well done, but then after that he didn't really have much of a plot.

It seemed like he just kind of decided it had gone on long enough, so it ended. There wasn't a nice build up to a climax and a conclusion, it just happened randomly.

Now that its finished, I'd say this fic probably doesn't belong in the library. I'll change my rating to 3/5.

 

I too was disappointed by the ending. Terrible spelling aside (malitia, really?), to say that the ending was anti-climactic would be quite the understatement.

Spoiler

Harry has a weird wandless battle with Voldemort where he loses his magic.

We don't learn of Voldemort's fate.

The war is still going on, and there is no end in sight.

Ginny Weasley is still alive, which should just not happen.

Sigh. I had such high hopes for this story. It started great (especially the potions addiction subplot), but it drew on and on and on with nothing of note happening for a long time, and just when I thought it was picking up... The end.

Someone said this earlier, but it's like he saw that it was getting too long, and so he decided to put an end to it. Not cool.

Did he ever explicitly say that there would be no sequel? I ask, because this definitely needs one. Not because it's great, but because there are just too many unanswered questions. I'd read it, but grudgingly.

Ignoring the spelling and grammatical errors (which is generous, because there are many), the first half of the story rates a 4/5, but because of the ending I'm dropping my rating to a 2.5/5 rounded up to 3/5 for the whole thing.

Personally, I wouldn't want this in the library.

-Pinstriped Pajamas