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The Wheel Unbroken by TheAnimaniacDude - Game of Thrones / ASOIAF

Discussion in 'Game of Thrones / ASoIaF' started by Otters, Aug 21, 2019.

  1. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    Metaphorically or literally?
     
  2. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    Both really.

    One of the issues with the show was how they made the dragons either invincible or weak depending on how they made the plot go. They tried to set up their fancy scorpions a bit, but it really just seemed like if the dragon needed to get through it would. Here the kraken takes one, sure, but then the second falls too? It cheapens them, which could be what you want.

    Metaphorically, full sized dragons shouldn’t be a total surprise.
     
  3. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    Sure, the Magic Homing Scorpions of the later seasons were silly, but the only thing silly about them was the implementation - it's canon in the books that dragons have been shot out of the sky by these things before. The absurdity comes into play with their actual effectiveness - the way that Rhaegal died in the show is flat-out impossible with a beast that old, because once they get that big, their scales are too hard to pierce inwards. When they're young, you can punch through their scales, but not at Rhaegal's age. It'd probably hurt and stun them, sure, but in the same way that you might hurt after getting shot in the chest while wearing a vest, earning yourself a nasty bruise for the endeavor. The only canon way to kill them with a scorpion is to shoot them in their unscaled membranes - through their wings, down their throats or in their eyes. All very tough shots, unless the dragon and rider are very inexperienced, which this Dany and Drogon were - because she found Aegon early after Drogo's assassination, she never went through nearly the amount of turmoil and character growth canon Dany did. That inexperience proved her downfall here.

    Metaphorically speaking? Never let it be said that the Ironborn are the best at keeping abreast of world news at the most opportune of times - for Asha and her building-the-plane-while-she's-flying-it colony, her attention was split in too many directions to pay attention to vague rumors of dragons, especially since Dany never built the city-conquering slave-freeing reputation she did in either the books or the show. As far as the battle goes, the Drogon and Viserion were flying high above the cloud cover and far back on a foggy morning. An observatory 'stealth' mode in a world with no concept whatsoever of air power.
     
  4. Barzûl

    Barzûl Sixth Year DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Just butting in.

    I did just write a longer text where I wanted you to nerf the scorpions a bit. Upon having just reread the paragraphs in question, where the bolt goes into the open mouth and pierces through the throat, I'm more accepting.

    "Her hand yanked hard on the release. The string went loose, and with an anticlimactic whistle, the scorpion bolt flew through the air and down the dragon’s throat, punching out the other side in a spray of blood."

    Perhaps you could write "the young dragon's throat" or something else to emphasize the relative youth (and therefore vulnerability) of the dragon.
    As a relatively casual fan of the books and the show, I didn't catch your way of thinking in the text.
    I didn't make the connection between the accelerated plot/Dany's inexperience with the dragons. It merely looked like a nod to the show and the show handled the scorpions like shit.

    You show Aegon having trouble controlling the dragon which is great. But I would like a bit more handholding.
     
  5. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    Handholding text added. edited paragraphs:

     
  6. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    51209208.jpg

    HA! HA! TIME FOR BOBBY B!

    (New Chapter Posted.)
     
  7. Xantam

    Xantam Denarii Host

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    Excited for this new chapter, but I am really, really not liking that massive italicized exposition.

    Edit: After finishing the chapter, I realize that that it was an intentional recap, but it still went a little longer than I'd like. Still, a good chapter. Refreshing to be back with a sane Jon.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2020
  8. PoshMafia

    PoshMafia First Year

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    3/5
    A nice guilty pleasure read. I think Purple Days is still superior, but for me, they are about the same in terms of quality. If you like this one you will like the other.
    Jon Snow bores me in general so I doubt I will ever pick it back up but each to their own.
     
  9. Donimo

    Donimo High Inquisitor

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    If you think this and Purple Days are similar in quality I very much question your judgement.
     
  10. Garden

    Garden Chief Warlock

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    Loved the new chapter. A return to a lower-key form, with all the plot intricacies of early GoT itself. Well done.
     
  11. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    I have now made a note at the top of the chapter that the italicized wall-o-text is a recap/explanation of the more esoteric parts of the story, and if the reader does not feel they need it that it can more or less be skipped. Thank you for the feedback.
     
  12. Donimo

    Donimo High Inquisitor

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    I appreciate the recap. I have the memory of a goldfish.
     
  13. Barzûl

    Barzûl Sixth Year DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    I'm very glad you're no longer with the ironborn. Personally I have never found them that interesting.

    Have you considered supplying the recap in an author's note or somewhere else? As nice as it was to get a recap (timelines can get confusing) it felt out of place and hamfisted in.
     
  14. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    In the future, maybe. Maybe I can create a google doc that's linked in the final author's note. Here, I thought it was in-character for even Jon to stop and try to figure out what was real from Lodos and what was insanity.
     
  15. Barzûl

    Barzûl Sixth Year DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    If Jon had merely thought over his situation in more general terms, I wouldn't have an issue.
    The problem was more that it was very obvious that you wanted to give a recap. It felt like you providing a fan service (in a very literal way) rather than Jon thinking about what he has to do.
    Writing down your thoughts is definitely a good way to organize your mind IRL but it doesn't really work that well in medieval fiction I think.

    I mean it's not gonna make me drop the fic, obviously. But I'd much rather see a horse ride where Jon takes a breather and reflects on his experiences or he just sits in front of the fire and wonders what the fuck he is going to do about dragons, an almost omniscient tree wizard and invading ice zombies.