Scene breaks are a bit of an NMF (not my fault) - they worked for months, and now I literally checked a couple of days ago and they had broken, again. I'mma work on that...

PM is de facto head of state, really. He meets other heads of state, etc. Queen isn't really the gal for that sort of thing. Perogative powers devolved to the PM, etc.

 

He is standing in the only 100% wizarding regiment of britain, Harry's deduction only serves to make him look stupid.

Polyjuice works by completely changing your physical appearance into the person whose hair you used in the potion. What reason would Harry have to think they are polijuiced insead of the previous low-rank DE's he spotted shopping around? Especially when no one found out about Mad-eye during an entire school-year.

That is just a typo I'm afraid.

This is only awesome when few people can do it.

If nothing else works, try the zombies.

Really, what the fuck is this? Naruto? What's the purpose of a sneak kill if you shout right before it?

Okay, the author gets an extra cookie for utterly destroying Hogmestead.

Besides, the entire concept of The Phoenix is lame, while I understand the need for secrecy Harry has at this point(chapter 17) giving himself an alterego(not to mention name it) reminds me too much of marvel comics, and once again make Harry look stupid. Not to mention the entire Order of the phoenix agreeing to follow a guy with a mask in after a 2 minutes speech.

Seriously, I don't mean to bad-mouth your work Twisted, but the earlier chapters are way too stupid, and the only reason I got this far is because you're a fellow DLP member.

Oh, and the rings are just lame. The entire reason Harry got them was to help him survive until he got used to his younger body again, and making you move faster, on a body you're no used to handle will not help improve your aim. I'm shocked he did not shoot any kid by mistake in the express actually.

Actually, you get two cookies. First time I read a fic where the Prime-minister/queen/USA president/Bin Laden is not a nice chap that instantly becomes Harry's friend and offer him all the support he'll need.

 

Whoa, lengthy reply.

And as canon serves, not every Muggle-born denizen of Hogwarts will know what the mark means. Harry didn't.

Because none of the Order members were particularly fussed about them, thus they let their guards down in front of what appeared to be Hogsmeade villagers.

I think I need to put an A/N about this - corrected it 4 times, keep reuploading the doc under different names etc, seems to just not work. Dunno what it is.

I never meant it to be awesome, it was just a demonstration of the skill of the 'original' Inner Circle members (Voldemort gets through a fair few members in this fic )

How was it a sneak kill? As far as I can see he leapt visibly into the air to attack from above...

It was just injecting a bit of fun into something original I wanted to roll with! And the way I saw it seeing as the Phoenix, from the Order's eyes, had the consent of Dumbledore, had beaten off Voldemort and done lots of general Death Eater killing shenanigans, it was mainly an enemy of my enemy approach.


I don't get the critique of the rings, I think they served their plot purpose well.

And to sum up... the earlier chapters were written when I was at the tender age of fifteen, going on sixteen. I'm now eighteen, and I don't really care if they seem stupid or the like, as they just show, to me, an evolution of my writing and the fic.

Thanks for the time taken to have a look over though. I hope it improves in your eyes as it goes on

EDIT: Not to try to sound childish, but have you written anything this length and still had people reading it after over a year?

 

Doubleposting shamelessly here, but theres nothing like a self-bump, amirite.

Just posting to say the epilogue is finished and posted; the fic is now finished. Hope anyone who read it enjoyed it - I'm not the best writer in the world, but damn I had fun writing this.

 

Nice to see this finished up finally. It had its rough patches towards the start but overall it was pretty enjoyable.

 

I liked the ending and I think it wrapped up nicely. Overall I would have wished for more Ron and Hermione but it is a good story.

Spoiler

Great idea to "resurrect" Harry that way.

My favorite thing about this story was the Ron in Harry's head. Would have liked to have the real Ron to come along with him.

4/5 as a final verdict for me.

 

Harry becomes a zombie? WTF? I laughed - really laughed, deep from the belly - and then closed the window.

 

Damn, I loved reading this story. Every minute of it, save for the first chapter and a bit.

First chapter really put me off, actually: I very nearly quit reading when the first few paragraphs all went on to describe Harry and Ron in excessive detail, and from there on Harry's character was a little flawed. Yeah, the start wasn't brilliant, and the first chapter didn't really capture my attention at all until Ron died.

What really made me love this story was the fight scenes. They were godly. I've actually been rather inspired to write my own action story ever since I read this, but I don't think I'd be able to match up to the awesomeness that were the fight scenes here. I loved the character development of Harry by the end of the story, and the rest of the character dynamics were interesting.

Spoiler

My favourite part by far was inferius!Harry,

because of screw you Turtle7, which was brilliantly handled and an awe-inspiringly awesome plot development. I'm a huge fan of these kinds of twists, and this one had all the right everything to make me overwhelmingly positive about this story. If I'd reviewed this right after I read it, I'd probably have more negative things to say, but as you can tell I'm still glowing from the good read.

5/5

 

I really enjoyed this story.

The Inferius!Harry was a stroke of genius in my opinion. It added that bit of originality that is so rare in fanfiction. Many people try to get that originality through crazy, epic and amazing plots and cover it with great writing ability and rhetoric. (Wastelands of Time anyone?)

Twisted isn't an amazing writer. Don't get me wrong he is a good writer but not the best. But the plot is stable and sound and altogether fairly simple and easy to handle.

This is in my opinion the right way to approach your first novel length piece of writing. Don't make it a real epic saga that spans millennia upon millennia. Because the plot was fairly straight forward and not too convoluted it was almost self-sufficient in that there weren't any never-before seen magical artefacts or plot devices that made all the problems go away. No unresolved dilemmas. No unanswered questions. No forgotten characters.

This story is the complete opposite of the TV series Lost.

Although I would have liked it if Harry had just stayed dead. I kind of like those kind of stories.
Maybe I'm a closet sadist.

4/5 for me.