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Complete Time to Put Your Galleons Where Your Mouth Is - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by potterheadcharles, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. potterheadcharles

    potterheadcharles Third Year

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    103
    Title: Time to Put Your Galleons Where Your Mouth Is
    Author: Tsume Yuki
    Rating: T
    Genre: Family/Adventure
    Status: Complete
    Library Category: General Fics
    Pairings: None
    Summary: Harry had never been able to comprehend a sibling relationship before, but he always thought he'd be great at it. Until, as Master of Death, he's reborn one Turais Rigel Black, older brother to Sirius and Regulus. (Rebirth/time travel and Master of Death Harry)
    FanFiction.Net

    This is a very interesting take on the Master of Death scenario. Basically, Harry is born in different times as a brand new person every time he dies. This is the closest he has been to his original time.

    He is the elder son of Orion and Walburga Black and the big brother of Sirius and Regulus Black. His main focus is to protect his brothers at any and all costs, doesn't matter if it is from their mother or Voldemort.

    Although, the story is short - 20 chapters, 45000 words - it is nicely paced and characterization is spot on. You just can't be bored and stop before completing it!

    5/5 from me.
     
  2. Nerox

    Nerox High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    544
    It starts off with an illogical plot (is it time or dimensional travel? Either way makes no sense as the authors portrays it) and I really can't get over the fact that it's not Harry James Potter, a really normal, simple name, but Turais Rigel Black. Couldn't get past the first few sentences of chapter one.

    Should be in Almost Recommended in my opinion.
     
  3. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

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    Unoriginal and bland.

    The technical writing is decent though, so 2.5/5.
     
  4. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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  5. potterheadcharles

    potterheadcharles Third Year

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    The plot makes perfect sense if you can bother yourself to read a little more than 'the first few sentences of chapter one'. You are not reading it simply because you don't like his new name. Come on, the author herself calls him Harry in her narrative. He is Turais only in dialogues.

    Nope. Not at all bland.
     
  6. Genghiz Khan

    Genghiz Khan Headmaster

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    2/5

    In summary: It seems slightly original, the writing isn't bad, but the execution is beyond terrible.

    The technical writing isn't bad, honestly, but a child being so mature grates on my nerves. He doesn't behave like a child, he speaks and Arcturus Black listens. His first act upon entering the world was to perform accidental magic. He can wandlessly perform a patronus. Not one, but multiple. At the age of what, 4?

    The premise is semi-original. But the execution is terribly flawed. It's a story about a Mary Sue from the future who has lived many lives and gets reborn with all of his memories. And his magic. And has a covenant with Death itself. This is hardly an example of good writing.
     
  7. potterheadcharles

    potterheadcharles Third Year

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    He is NOT a child. He just acts as such. And the whole point of performing such feats of magic is to show himself as crucial to the importance of Black name in future.

    What's 'terribly flawed' in having a covenant with Death itself. He is the Master of Death, you know. Besides, the focus of the story is on Harry and the love he has for his two younger brothers. Its a family drama. Actually, the execution is much better than many other stories I've seen. Just because Harry is powerful does not make it a bad story.
     
  8. evilchaos

    evilchaos Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2010
    Messages:
    10
    Different people like different things. Arguing over what is and isn't a poor plot device is a waste of everyone's time, especially when you're clearly so entrenched in your view on the matter.

    I read a bit of it. I more-or-less agree with others. The writing is decent (above average, if you compare to the normal FF.net fic). The plot isn't compelling or well-explained. I will say the idea has potential, though, if it were better thought out.

    3/5 from me.
     
  9. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

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    Well, that's just like, your opinion, man.

    If you put a fic for review, you'll get negative opinions from time to time. That's par for the course.
     
  10. Genghiz Khan

    Genghiz Khan Headmaster

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    Yup. Don't take it personally. It has been put up for review, after all.
     
  11. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    That shouldn't be a spoiler it should stand in the open as a warning to people about what kind of fic they are about to read.
     
  12. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    There's not enough conflict, which seems to be the major problem of the story. Harry is too powerful for the setting and too morally superior to everyone else. He solves all the problems at Hogwarts without even trying. The DEs never stood a chance and even Voldemort is no match for him. Yeah, not my cup of tea.

    Try other stories written by the same author. Most of them are better than this one.
     
  13. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This is pretty much my sense of the story, that there was never any dramatic tension. It seemed a foregone conclusion that Harry was going to prevail and the rest was just going through the motions, watching him succeed through various characters' eyes without spending too much effort.

    A number of isolated scenes were good but the story as a whole didn't amount to much more than romantic fluff, where filia or storge (given that Harry is essentially a parent figure to the other Black children and other characters from his past) are subbed for eros.

    Still, it's a quick read and the author can be commended for completing her story. This puts her above many, including her own prior efforts (she suffers a bit from cwyscross disease--lots and lots of starts, few finishes).

    I'll round up and vote 3/5. Almost recommended territory.
     
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