Title: 'Tis The Season of Summertime
Author: Matt Silver 3k
Rating: M
Genre: Humour/Adventure
DLP Category: Humour/Parody
Pairing: Harry Potter/Daphne Greengrass
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: Harry's Occlumency training manifests in an interesting way and he finds himself shielded by and from insanity, while dealing with and against Death Eaters and basically taking control of his life. 'Tis the season of summertime, and what a summer it'll be!

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4953217/1/Tis_The_Season_of_Summertime

Yeah, the story's 4 chapters in (Long chapters too, but that might change in later bits), with 5 on the way. I'm not a real writer, hell, this story is mostly writing practice before I can bring out any big guns... but what the hey. Either I win or fail miserably, no difference. Originally, I had the story as a three-parter, and now I'm expanding, so expect a more overarching plot come Chapter's 4 and 5.

With the DLP category section, I listed Humour/Parody because of the crack-like nature of some (Maybe most) of the fic. Whether its humourous or parodious is yet to be seen.

So, have a good(?) read. I'm open for improvement tips or any good advice you all can give.

 

Tips and constructive criticism are given in the Work By Author subforum (where you should copy/paste your fic, not just link it).
This is the place where people link to fics they believe are Library-worthy, which means a rating superior to 3 stars.

To give an actual review :

2/5. It didn't hold my interest past the first page, and I skimmed through the rest and found it definitely unfunny.
Point for decent grammar and spelling (then again I'm not a native speaker so it doesn't take much to fool me).

 

That's three more chapters than I'll ever read.

Heh, you don't think his accidental magic would have any impact nearby?

What?

I want to make absolutely certain that I am going to rate your story 1/5 not because I don't understand your humor, but because your humor is non-existent. Even when people don't laugh, they can still understand what was attempted. It consists of randomly interjecting shit like sandwiches, and if you'll notice none of the great humorists, in writing or television, have resorted to it. Not nonjon, not Rorschach, not Victor Borge, not Jimmy Vulmer, not anyone.

So, there's the standard summer start worsened by failure at humor and the most annoying Harry I have ever read.

Your readers are (mostly) continuing for the promise of Harry/Daphne.

 

Indeed, kind of reminds me how little kids will, for unknowable reasons just say some random word or string of words and they'll think it's the funniest thing ever.


Random!=funny

 

No!

This is just stupid.He is 15, a 15 year old does not speak that way to the most powerful man on the planet. You may have wanted to be funny, but it isnt.

People who write this kind of thing are people who are not bored of the 124432141243 number of fics on ff.net that start the same way. When you start to get bored and say 'Gee, today I wanna read a Harry/Lily fic, just because it`s diffrent and original', you will se how stupid your fic is.

1/5 Read more fanfiction, there are some rare gems on this site.

 

Hmm, I came across this a few hours ago seperately on FF.net and I have to say I quite enjoyed it. That said all the complaints are valid but I still find that random does sometimes equal funny.

3/5 I enjoyed it, but definitely not library worthy.

 

I admit that if it wasn't for the Harry/Daphne I would probably never read this story. The whole Sirius Black is to Harry as Number Six is to Baltar gimmick comes off as cheap.

You have the mechanics of writing down. The execution however is a tad lacking. There were several points where I was reading this and thought "Oh - this is supposed to be funny." Certain concepts - like Harry using contracts to score with pureblood women and to scam them of money have a lot of potential, but the humor in your writing is far too forced.

3/5. Despite the forced humor, I did enjoy reading it.

 

I'm not sure if I'd count this as a "joke", rather than a SLIGHTLY humorous reference. He's ofc referring to the idea of goblin pies, and threatening the teller with putting her in one.
I think it was Fudge? That Luna? claimed ate goblin pies

 

Well, thanks to all that took the time to check it out and properly and constructively criticise it. Thanks to all that gave a few little tips - that's a big help, as expected. I will be (cough - trying to) applying some better techniques into later stories, probably straying away from the forced humour and lacking plot executions.

And if its not meant to be Library-material, its just not meant to be then! Haha, I'll try again later. But not with this one.

 

One of those semi-interesting fics I've got on alerts, more for potential and WTF factor than quality. Your story had some decently constructed sequences, but cringe-worthy moments totally destroy the tension you could have created. Forced humor didn't help either.

2/5