Jim:

I enjoyed the chapter which featured Gangster! Neville and Blood-Pressure Meds! Ginny. I'm kind of upset though because you didn't kill anybody besides Goyle though. . . I guess I've been spoiled by the last few chapters.

And while I was reading Goyles death scene I couldn't help but remember my favorite Wonka quote:

 

Charlie and Narcissa whacked several bounty hunters. Personally, if I was the one maintaining the wards, I'd be very scared right about ... now.

Jim

 

I like hearing from the happy couple again. They added a nice element to the story.

The character interaction in the story was good. The only thing that I don't like the Hermione. I really hate that know it all bitch. So there is nothing you can do with her to make me happy apart from giving her a slow and painful death.

 

Good chapter. I liked that you gave Hermione a drinking problem, though i still don't like her. I very much like the way you have characterized Ron, this is one of 4 or 5 stories where i dont despise him. The phsyco neville was awesome, I must admit I was worried you were going to turn him into super-Neville.

The only thing i didn't really like was Harry being bitched around by Susan. There was nothing signifigant in this chapter but I just hope you won't have him become passive towards Susan because of the baby coming and their mariage.

 

True, they did whack the bounty hunters -- but nothing tops a live mummification

 

Good work.
The transition between asskicking independent dementormentor Harry and the little schoolboy has to be made clear. I'm looking forward to the complications.

The Charlie/Cissy scene got greater as i reread it. The Weasley has to learn that women can be fearsome in many different ways, and Cissy is learning that broken toys can't be played with anymore. Fun.
Boozing Hermy is inconsistent, but it's an inconsistency i've seen many times in real life. Good angle.
The lack of CSI: Diagon Alley should be mended, but not until PsychoKillerNeville has killed all he wants to kill. After all, he hates all the right people, right? More cunning to him. Ginny's calming draughts answered all i needed to know about her mindaltered appearance.
I have no clue what that chicken dance is, and from the look of things, i lucked out being nonanglo.

Manual labour Voldemort was great. A big thumping shady guy has to know how to have things made right. Besides, sitting on a dark throne crucioing minions has to get dull sometimes. If he's actually sewing things together, could you PLEASE have him bitching about a pinprick in his thumb or something. He's a boss, not a tailor. He should suffer for it!

'Til next time

g

 

Nice chapter, Jim ! I thoroughly enjoyed alcoholic Hermione and cunning (dare I say Slytherin ?) Neville.

For me, the Charlie/Narcissa scenes are not really necessary, but they certainly don't lessen the pleasure I have when I read your story.

Well, you finally covered the summer holidays after > 230k words ! I don't know how much you have planned ahead and if you intend to speed up the timeline a little bit. That's the only point which worries me, because I'm afraid that after you have written 500k words, you will be fed up with your story or run short of ideas, causing you to abandon it. I hope that will not be the case !

 

Thanks for all the feedback. As for the current status of my works, I forsee this story running about 10 more chapters at most. It should tip the scales at around 300K words when completed.

Bungle has about 6-8 more chapters to go, but it has a sequel that is already planned.

As for stories I haven't released to the general public yet, I won't comment on that....

Charlie and Narcissa have been received well enough that they merit their own side story arc. I'll see what I can do.

One thing that has surprised me is back in chapter 5 and 6 there were some very Anti-Neville postings both here and elsewhere. I have no doubts that you'll enjoy where his part of the story is headed.

Jim

 

Just read it, thoroughly enjoyed it. Get more out soon.

 

Loved it. Charlie/Cissa is great.

Neville is awesome at the end of the chap, hope to see more of that.

Absolutely dying for the next chapter of Bungle.

 

If the story goes on for the "rest of the school year" I would like to see a lot more of Secret Agent 00Nev.

 

I was comparing it to the chapter where Harry whips Snape. It seemed a bit rushed, which as I said at the time, fits well with the battle scene.

This one just seemed like you'd gone over it a few more times is all.

 

I do like this fanfic, all the action, Harry's dementor thing... but I'm really getting sick of Susan. yeesh, really, can't someone drop an anvil on her head? Like conjure one of those acme ones and slam! Susan Pancake....heh. I'm just bored of her, this getting hitched stuff now this baby crap, yeash. But the action parts when they do come are good, so if Susan has to keep living I guess I can just keep skim reading her bits.

 

I must point out how riddled with plot holes this fic really is. In just the first few chapters the author shows Snape participating in a raid against the Bones where Amelia and Susan's mother are killed before Susan's very eyes.

Then Harry comes blazing in to rescue her, unmasks Snape as one of the Death Eaters participating in the attack and somehow convinces the distraught girl who just watched her only remaining family murdered to cover for the greasy git? Excuse me? The bastard just helped murder her family in front of her and she's covering for him just because Harry (in a fit of obvious stupidity and blind following of Dumbledore) asked her to? Give me a freaking break. That is beyond ridiculous in scope of believability.

This certainly appears to be best described as a brain-dead!Harry & Susan fic from the beginning.

 

Are those the only chapters you read? Because if they were, you would see a lot of changes and leaving of Dumbledore later on.

 

Okay read the rest of the fic if you havent read anything but the first few chapters. This story is far from brain-dead!Harry. Unless you didnt notice this was #3 for the year in the awards here. I highly doubt people here would read a Brain-dead!Harry fic.

 

Yeah, the start is a bit lame in certain places, but it gets real good in the middle, although lately I think it's gotten kinda boring. Plus the whole Neville's grandpa crap, and Ginny subplots just make it a chore to read sometimes, IMO.

 

I don't think that Nev's Vampire!Gramps upsets the story too much, since he hardly ever gets any screen time. Besides, he's pushing Neville to murder. That's always nice.

It does seem less exciting lately, though, now that there isn't a battle or something every chapter. People are still dying, though.

 

Thanks for the comments Kalen. I'll answer it this way. Harry covers for Snape, because despite all that's happened to him from the ending of Book 5, he still has some faith in Dumbledore. That faith does not endure.

Susan is distraught, but like many pureblood girls of her age has had it drilled into her head that Harry is 'The Hero'. In the next few chapters, you see how little she actually knows of him, but Harry took control of the situation and told her what to do. Dazedly, she complied.

The arguement with Dumbledore is meant to be inconclusive as many arguements always are.

The other posters are correct, the story had initial weakness in many areas, but I think that if you stick with it in later chapters you will see that I have compensated.

I'm about 2000 words into chapter 30. I'll probably post a tease shortly after I get back on track. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you that voted for both my stories in the DLP awards and hope to continue to be worthy of your praise.

It was somewhat surprising for this one to top the romance category. If you are looking for a good romance try Lessons from K-Writer. That is a fine story and Kendra is a talented author who was definitely cheated on Name Recognition. It also took awards for Anti-Hero(2nd), Story of the Year(3rd), Noir(2nd) and Best Villain (1st). In all reality the only one it probably deserves is Best Villain. I didn't even vote for it for Story of the Year. I voted for Bungle, Shezza and then Jack. I believe all three of these stories to be superior to this story at the moment. I will continue to work to improve the story to get it to where I think it can be.

Thanks again for the recognition.

Jim

 

Put me in with the pro-Killer!Nev crowd... he reminds me a little of Dexter (from the Dexter books and now, TV series). My recommendation would be to keep a high level of kill time to training time--you don't even really need the training (I think the scene in this chapter would have worked a little better if we hadn't had the Neville montage earlier). He's not the main character, so we don't really need to get into his head, we just need to know he's hanging out with his uncle and he's killing people.

Although the occasional slightly off remark that Harry never really catches onto could also be funny ("Too bad about Goyle... I know he wasn't a very nice guy, but I always felt like he was a bit of a fish out of water at a school like Hogwarts...").