I vote yes to the rj stone2 running joke.

 

I second that. This is a fairly serious fic, and that coming darkness keeps coming, so i think a really dark kind of comic-relief-running-gag would provide us with some much needed groans. You don't have to get much above Homer Simpson-level for such jokes to work, right? After all, i read to get exited and entertained. Nothing wrong with some Punch'n' Judy. Psycho Neville M. Longbottom would be great. Just let people go missing, and have him crack a barely intelligible(?) off-colour joke, and leave us to figure it out. Sounds like fun to me!

g

 

The new chapter I like. Its smart of Tom to do what his is doing. Some authors just leave the political stuff in the background or dont have any at all. The ones that have it dont usually show it taking place. You do so you get a cookie for that. So the hat gives another warning. Atleast it didnt say gather to the Gryffindor lion or some crap like that.

There for a while my interest in this fic started to fade as Bungle kept getting better and better but if you kept it going like this I will change my mind again.


4.5/5

 

Chapter 30 is up

Authors notes

Scene 1 - Continuing the small side plot involving Charlie and Narcissa. More next chapter. One of my helpers thought the scene was too cliche. What say you?

Scene 2 - Well this was the one from the tease. It's mostly unmodified from the original. Cho's a bit self-absorbed, but then again there are ususally people on the fringes of a conflict that feel that the war won't involve them. She might be feeling a bit different after finding Goyle's body.

Scene 3 - Neville's descent into madness continues. He makes a few mistakes, and realizes that he needs to act more like his old self to keep under the radar as it were.

Scene 4 & 5 - A little bit of interaction between Rufus and Dumbledore. Rufus gets a bit of the surly Sorting Hat. Though not the reception if it was the hat from my new story!

Scene 7 & 8 - Tonks did just what bodyguards are supposed to do. Harry and Susan aren't exactly pleased about it, but that's there problem. Hopefully, this is my only Sorting Hat song ever. Dumbledore does his remember the fallen thing, I added a few extra Miscellaneous dead students from the various DE raids.

Scene 9 - Voldemort is back on the offensive. The rest of his plan to be reveal shortly.

Scene 10 - Harry and Flitwick discuss the morality of killing. Many authors give reasons why Flitwick stopped dueling. I wanted to humanize him a bit. I hope you liked my version.

Scene 11 - Guess Delores wishes he took that Russian Ambassadorship. As you can see Voldy is encouraging anarchy. He wants revenge squads roaming the streets, so to speak. The line about speech impediments was a tip of the hat to Shezza. I believe his version of Harry said something similar in Resistance of Azkaban.

Scene 12 - More Neville. Not much else to say. He gets his own little clubhouse and assistant to help plan his 'accidents'.

And now for your comments...

Jim

 

What can I say? Brilliant story you have here jbern. I really like how neville is turning out, although he is a bit anti-dark considering how he killed goyle(or was it crabbe).

 

Not a huge fan of the latest chapter, for no other reason that it seemed to focus more on Neville then Harry which is something that just kills a story for me if it is doen too much.

 

I must agree with elvin, Neville was a lesser character in the story till the last few chapters where he gets more and more spotlight.
I hope you kill him off soon .

I think you should consider how many points of view you want to include, as in my opinion you could now as the school starts again easy go over the top.

Voldemorts new plan, Tonks acting as a bodyguard and the Dubledore/ Rufus scenes are done in a familiar good way with interesting plot ideas.

 

Like the brilliant people above, i miss Harry. Nev's fun, and a great twist in this twisted tale, but Harry's the Man. In this chapter, he just felt ....domesticated. Dull, even.
Now, i see all the reasons, and i know i'm picking on details, but a few rearranged sentences would have made all the difference.
Like, Tonks did something unexpected and sort of unwelcome to both Harry and his wife. If someone i knew and trusted jumped like that on my wife, they'd be in major pain before i would stop to think about possible justifications, and this Harry has a protectorinstinct that can be seen from orbit.
He should have done something.
Possibly something stupid and counterproductive, but something other than glare. It just doesn't add up to me. Angst and all aside, Harry's boring in this chapter.

There were of course loads of good stuff too, but i usually focus on good stuff. This lame Harry just annoys me enough to fire up the ol' flamethrower.

g

 

Is it just me or are your chapters getting shorter. At the same time I think the plot is slowing down. This chapter along with the last has been focusing too much on other characters and ha sa general lack of action that I think it's getting a bit boring. This story, however, is still one of the best reads out there. Just keep writing and I'll keep reading plus the occasional review here.

 

It's probably just you. This chapter was shorter than most at 5973, but the previous chapter was 11,605.

The action is a bit slower now that the story is back in the school setting, but I will be doing my best to rectify that shortly.

Jim

 

I thought the chapter was pretty good, if short. Also, reading the preview was a mistake on my part because it made the chapter feel even shorter.

I don't mind de-emphasizing Harry for a little bit. His life has been full of crazy extreme action for two months now, he's due for a lull. But instead of having boring transition/angst chapters, we're getting boring transition/angst chapters with added Longbottom crazyness.

And I liked the bit with Tonks... part of growing up is realizing that you don't have to turn every situation into a chance to prove what a badass you are.

--
"Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me."

 

So I finally got around to reading this behemoth. It was good. Far better than the majority of stories in this genre. That said, I don't really understand all the hype and controversy surrounding it.

This fic, for all it's action, is rather slow. 30 chapters and nearly 245k words to cover two months. I don't see how the story can hope to keep up this tempo until completion unless it ends soon or the avalanche of events is somehow slowed, which could risk the story becoming tedious (And there being no characters left to kill except OCs).

Secondly, for all of Harry's magical growth he doesn't seem to have grown very much mentally. His outlook has changed substantially, but that's not necessarily growth. Granted, it's only been 2 months.

Susan. She's... dull. She doesn't really seem to have anything that sets her apart from others aside from the fact that she hasn't betrayed Harry. Right now it seems she's pretty much just waiting to be abducted so Harry can save her. The Bank Massacre scene was decent, however (though how she managed to lose her foot remains to be a mystery).

To me this story feels like it's growing a bit out of control. So many diverging subplots that it may begin to detract from the main one.

All that said, I love the action scenes. They're very well done, particularly the ambush on the Werewolves and Voldemort. Kudos on that. I look forward to seeing where this will end up.

 

It has slowed. But it is still far shorter than some fics that I have read and its not quite as long as the books. But yes it has slowed some. It has a sequel planned as well which shows just how much is left to be seen.

 

erm, wasn't bungle the story with a sequel?

i remember jbern posting somewhere that bungle has another 5 chapters or so to go and then he would finish this story before he did the sequel to bungle.

 

Im thinking that he said he had a sequel coming for both at some point in time.

 

Well, To Fight hasn't even really hinted at wrapping up soon, or even a final conflict resolution. Reading it I'm not even sure what the main conflict is (Harry vs. Voldemort or Harry vs. darkening tendencies). Harry almost seems to be more at odds with his friends than Voldemort as of late. I'd absolutely love to see Harry consciously losing himself a bit, rather than it always happening in the heat of battle. I was rather suprised that no one in the story latched onto the Harrry/Voldemort "I possessed Ginny Weasley" Fanclub connection. That would have been grounds for some really fun and clear polarization of the people there.

Sorry if it seems I'm requesting that you include things. Not my intent or inclination. Great story so far. Looking forward to more. ;p

 

Thanks for the comments. Actually, there is no current plan for a sequel to this one. I plan to wrap it at around 40 chapters. I'm starting to lay out chapter 31 today as chapter 19 to Bungle gets posted.

Bungle does have a sequel. My current plan is to wrap Bungle by chapter 25. I will then work furiously to finish TFtCD and continue sporadic work on The Lie I've Lived. After Darkness wraps and I finish Lie, I'll start on the sequel to Bungle.

As for becoming too large and unmanageable, I don't think so. It's still pretty clear what's happening in my head. How well it will translate to the keyboard remains to be seen.

Jim

 

Getting the stories from my head to the screen has always been my problem, cuz i write crap and therefore i admire those who can do it incredibly.

Darkness has grown a bit out of my grasp lately. The reason is that it's well written. Shit happens to Harry all the time, as shit happens to everybody. Harry has the Dark Tosser after him, adding another boatload of it, and he's also a high profile kinda guy who doesn't have a single grip on what to do with that. All these complications makes it a less relaxing to read than i care for. I want to be entertained, not confused.

I agree with Nox that Susan is rather dull, and thank god for that, because the whole point to her as i see it is that there's no romantic fate crap involved. She was at the right place at the right time, and she met Harry's minimum requirements and that's that. Magic compulsion handles the rest. I get a slight DrT vibe sometimes, but i can live with that.

This Harry is confused most of the time, and he does what he thinks is best in every single situation. Everybody does. There's no thought-out plan to his actions. He does his best, and what he does best.
He's no Rommel even if he hits like a tank. He has a hard time thinking beyond his immediate problem. He's a teenager, and even if i'm as far removed from the age as the author i do teach kids this age all the time and i've seen this thinking many times. They're not as well rounded in thinking as they're smart. They don't see the whole picture and that leads them astray with the best intentions. Just like Harry, but he's not just a student. He has to be loads of things he's not prepared to be.
Ergo, my problem with this story is that it's well written.
I keep at it though, since i have to see what happens.

The introduction of Neville 2.0 will hopefully speed things up, and i have an interesting suspicion about a fundamental difference from my preconceptions about the whole damn storyline. What if They're all wrong, and Neville is the real Chosen? Cool huh?

g

 

Chapter 31 is now up.

Author’s notes chapter 31

Thanks again to all those that take the time to comment and critique.

Scene 1 – Not really changed all that much from the tease. How long will his ‘accidents’ survive scrutiny – probably not very long. Then again, is he really caring about that now?

Scene 2 – Also from the tease and not changed all that much. I wanted to make Dawlish effective, but a stickler for rules. He’s a man used to training Aurors and not snot-nosed brats.

Scene 3 – More training. One thing that is hard is taking a fairly active Harry and suddenly restricting him. He’ll have more to do very soon.

Scene 4 – I really enjoy writing Rita. She’s a fascinating character, the very epitome of the tabloid journalist.

Scene 5 – Back to Harry catching up on the gossip circulating. This year he’s a bit on the offense and Parvati probably sees it as her way of contributing (perhaps she is a bit envious of Lavender?).

Scene 6 – I finally get back to Coedus. He’s been active, just not with Harry. He also has some interesting offers to consider… His interaction with his living relative is a bit strained at the moment and his motives remain unclear on purpose.

Scene 7 – Harry’s account manager attempts to curry favor by buying the Potters a suitable home. Goblins appreciate revenge and hope Harry does as well.

Scene 8 – By request a continuing thread of this story involving Narcissa and her boy toy Charles. She’s an interesting character to write. She should be a bit haughty and arrogant.

Scene 9 – Why shouldn’t a sane Voldemort wage war on the media front? I hope you enjoyed me trying to channel Rita again. It’s only fitting that her style should make the story as much about her as it is about the story. Harry has had enough, but what is his angle?

Now for your comments…

Jim

 

Chapter 31 is amazing!

The first chapter of To Fight the Coming Darkness I loved in some time. The last 2 or 3 chapters simply didn't interest me too much. This one on the other hand was excellent. Voldemort's interview with Rita was brilliant. Now I am looking forward to the next chapter. : )

5/5