WOW!
Greate chapter! Liked about everything:
Peter motivated- Laughed about 5 minutes under my table. Very funny indeed.
Penelope get in the role- hillarius
Will of James Potter- Realistic enough not like most of them doing it.
Negotiations- Liked it a lot! Original and very interesting. I see that half-baked-plot is not in order anymore except Ginny putting love potion in Harry's drink
Dursleys- One of the best parts in story.
The one thing I dont like about this story that you turning Lily Potter into some kimd of monster that caged James. Remember in cannon she is a gentle and kind person and you cant suddenly turn her into OOC bitch.

Can't wait to the next chapter, keep up the good work!

 

I agree with ip82, excellent chapter and very original concepts, especially the way you made Lily an ambitious gold hunter, something I've never seen before.

 

Wow excellent chapter i liked it...heaps! The spin off of Lily made my day, something so new that i was hiperventilating. A gold digging, malicious whore i like emensly (sp?). Then to put forth the question of whether she actually liked James was was classic. Looks like Dumbls is gonna get a fair amount of kicking to the nuts!

 

I don't mind Lily being a gold-digging bitch, it was a nice twist. I don't understand how Harry could work with Dumbledore knowing all this now - Dumbledore has pretty much put himself just shy of Hitler. Only an irredeemably corrupt and evil human being could do all the things he's done. Their treatment of Harry might not be excused because of it, but Dumbledore cannot be considered a decent human being in even a misguided 'greater good' kind of way anymore. I'd say the same for Lily, but she's dead, so it doesn't matter with her.

There is one thing I disliked in this chapter though... all the humour. It seemed terribly out of place with most of the rest of the fic, amusing as it was, and I think the story would be better without it. Just my opinion.

 

Lily the vile whore... heh...

I love this take. So original. Good job Voldemort.

 

Author's notes chapter 9

Alright what was I thinking when I did this? I usually see James and Lily portrayed as paragons of virtue. I wanted human beings. Specifically 21 year old human beings trapped in the middle of a war, burdened with a possible destiny for their son. Both had lost everything but each other and their son (we don't count the Dursleys here). How far would Lily go to save her child? The one thing that is irrefutable is she loved Harry enough to make that sacrifice. How many more would she be willing to sacrifice is the question? As to Lily's motivations, everything Harry heard was either rumor and innuendo or from the mouth of Petunia, who has had plenty of time to hate Lily. I wanted you the reader to draw your own conclusions about her. My beta thought that some will absolutely hate my portrayal. I haven't recieved any of those just yet, but if I do then guess what? My humble work managed to provoke a strong emotion out of someone. It is easy to get a laugh or some gratuitous fluff, but making someone angry but willing to keep reading is well for lack of a better word cool!

Back to James, I wanted to give him a touch of thoughtfulness. He is never portrayed as a thinker. The line about 'us using the magic or the magic using us' was one of my favorites.

Scene 1 with Peter and Voldy almost was cut. Some have already pointed that the comical scene felt out of place. However, my inner Voldy said that just because the readers and the 'light' side are in angst mode - it doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself. Plus I really want to explore the depths of Peter's insanity. The fact that this whole scene takes place while Percy is being reanimated rather amused me and since you noticed that I am continuing the Penny story thread it seemed a bit natural.

Scene 2 - When I wrote this I started with James's letter and formed the scene around that. Somehow in any letter from the past story James and Lily had all the answers. Not this one. True when I was 21 I did have all the answers (just not the right questions!).

Scene 3 - Well in my travels through fanfiction, the dementors always turn to Voldy, but it always happens offscreen. I have never seen a negotiation scene and I bet most of you haven't either. The opening with Voldy considering his place in the universe and the whole 'things you can do with a dead unicorn' were my favorite parts. I would like to think that my version of Voldy could actually run the wizarding world he conquers.

Scene 4 - I have always sought a realistic reason for the pathological hatred the Dursleys had for Harry. I would like to think I delivered in this. I started with the thought that maybe just maybe it is all 'the freak's' fault. Yet he is not really responsible. At the same time, I also needed something that would have directly prevented Vernon from just offing the kid and the reverse psychology that they didn't want Harry to go to Hogwarts to protect Petunia. One other thing that bugged me was why didn't Petunia know that schoolchildren weren't able to practice magic at home. So I explained that they didn't have that legislation during the first war.

Well I think that's all for now. I will work on answering my reviews and your posts now!

Chapter 10 - Other than the Azkaban Harry fics or the Harry goes to Azkaban to fight, I have never seen a good rendition of Voldy storms the prison. Enough of the angst already and lets start killing!

Jim

 

Great fic you've got going here, I can't wait to see Ginny's reaction to Harry and Susan because I know it's going to be great.

 

god, everything works so well in your fic.

you're spot on in your commentary about lily and james.

i know when i read it, i felt uncomfortable - but it was a welcome feeling because it meant that i wasn't reading something that had already been done to death in fanon.

change is good.

i think that when all is said and done (and if you complete it!) this can go down with others as a really memorable fic (except for the hardcore h/g, h/hr crowd).

the only thing that even seems remotely out of place for such a realistic and cerebral story is the forced marriages and progeny.

although, one can see how archaic the wizarding world is - and i suppose for the purpose of your backstory such a device was necessary for your characterizing lily and james.

i'm really enjoying it.

 

Re: Author's notes chapter 9

I like your Lily. It's probably the best and most developed Lily I've seen so far - so much better than classical Hermione-clone/saint we are pretty much bombarded with in every other story.

Heh, do you think her over-protectivness over Harry could come from her gold-digging attitude? I mean, if something were to happen to Harry, James would be free to dump her and pick the next girl in the line. And she'd be back to being just another poor mudblood. I think that could explain her zeal for keeping Harry safe much better than standard super-mum shit. After all, such behavior is not unheard of from many poor mothers married to rich husbands who are keeping all the cards in their hands - use the kid to keep the man.

I like your James as well - good to see a repreive from a whipped prankster or a jerk we always seem to be seeing.

That scene was great. Yet again, you transform an old character in a beleiveable and funny way.

The letter was good - I so much hate when they write exactly what we know would happen and tell Harry exactly the things he needs to solve his CURRENT problems.

Like: "Hey son, if you're reading this, that means that the rat had betrayed us and Sirius was sent to Azkaban in his place. Since you've probably discovered the truth about Dumbledore's manipulations, we've prepared for you this manor-trunk with 5 dueling rooms and dark arts library, an untraceable house with portkey access and these emancipation papers...."

I really have to physically restrain myself from banging my head at parts like this.

Good scene. Your Voldemort is only getting better by the minute. I especially liked his worst nightmare being the same as Harry's - strange how no one had thought about that before.

Well, the reason why the Dursleys are the way they are is coz they are bad guys/comic releif in a childern book. But your explanation works too...

I've seen redeemed Dursleys, bribed Dursleys, "made a deal with Harry" Duesleys, "magically controlled by Dumbledore" Dursleys and AU Dursleys who'd always been nice, but I don't think I'd EVER seen the Dursleys whose conduct is in a way justifyed.

Another great idea on your part. Hell, you almost made me simpathetic towards the bastards. Harry's answer was cool too. Glad to see him not having a fucking angst-fest of a guilt trip - those are really starting to get anoying in HP fanfiction.

 

IP82 - Thanks for the flattery. I half expected you to be taking my to task over my weak Dumbles again. I started thinking about the 'Supreme Mugchump' and have concluded that he has been failing since the first war. They weren't exactly winning now were they. Anyway, other than driving off Tom in book 5, show me a place in cannon where Dumbles has been effective? The board of governors ran him off without a fight in book 2. Book 3 he couldn't stop the ministry from placing dementors around the school despite the fact they attacked a student twice! Book 4 chicken with his head cut off during the tournament. Maybe everyone looks to him because he is powerful and he beat the last one. Even HBP he was stuffing it up. I have a theory that old Grindenwald had the subltey of a battering ram and was an 'easy mark'. Voldy is supposed to be cunning and powerful. Perhaps he outclasses Dumbles in every sense of the word.

Evil S - When you read my author's notes, hopefully you realize that Lily wasn't a monster, but a realistic 21 year old mother trying to save her son. Giving her flaws and questionable motivations makes her more human. Ever met someone that everyone just adores? Ever suspect there is a dark side to that person?

Illusive, Lord O and Psychosama - Thanks, but remember I only gave rumors hints and innuendo. Much of it coming from Petunia. You came to your own conclusion about Lily. If fiction can be thought provoking then I am obviously doing well.

SlytherinD - Well all I can say is that Harry knows now. He also knows that Dumbles has the Order, the ministry has the aurors, Voldy has his DEs and he has a bunch of half trained students who (hopefully) would follow him. Even that isn't certain. Harry will have to accept that to win, the public needs to see him working with the Ministry and Dumbles. But make no mistake, Harry is seeing things he will remember. There will be precious little forgiveness and no forgetting what has been done to him and the Dursleys.

Zero - that was the one thing I forgot to talk about when I did the author's notes. Harry and Susan. It isn't going to be happily ever after just yet. They just started dating and are now basically engaged. Notice the lack of the words "Will you marry me?" Perhaps the road to happily ever after has a few potholes or even more thought provoking is could the road to hell be paved with good intentions? But yeah, I can't wait to write the reactions at #12 either! I have toyed with them marrying on August 11th (Ginny's Birthday -HA HA HA!).

Syn - I am glad you felt uncomfortable. It means you appreciate the story on a basic level. My hope is when I finish with this people say, I would rather have seen this than HBP.

Jim

 

I did forget to mention the same memory for both Voldy and Harry when they are around the dementors. We know so little about Voldy? What is his boggart for example? Travel through most other fanfiction stories and you get Voldy on a throne, Voldy killing, Voldy torturing ... I give you Voldy fixing himself a plate of breakfast while talking to Penny, Voldy wondering just who is more insane Peter or Bella. If I give you Voldy on the crapper reading graffiti on the wall, I have probably gone too far but you get the picture.

I wanted to make people feel for the Dursleys. I know they are supposed to be the evil family that torments the poor orphan, but I wanted something new and innovative and if I had to sully Lily's rep to do it so be it. It may cost me an occasional reader from the H/G or H/Hr crowd, but oh well. I would rather be interesting than cookie cutter.

 

Re: Author's notes chapter 9

I love your lily, does make you re-evaluate how i think about her. I feel the same way about the dursleys, makes me kinda feel bad for them, and i hate it..

 

The Dementor scene and the Dursley one were genius. I especially appreciate the subtlety and realism that you handle relationships with. Wizards also have affairs (even JK acknowledges this.) To pretend that because of magic, some soul-mate bond happens, is foolish and stupid. Divorce has never been acknowledged (one person FAKED his death according to 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to FInd them' but I suspect it isn't allowed for the same reason that feudal lords couldn't get a divorce. It shamed a respectable family and could cause a feud.) While on the subject of wizarding traditions, I feel compelled to tell you that I didn't like the will-reading. I still wish Harry got angrier with Narcissa, and I don't like Harry being called Lord Potter. No one else is called anything like that. Lucius isn't called Lord Malfoy. And Gridelwald was called IN CANON! "The dark wizard Grindelwald". So far the only person referred to as Lord is Voldemort.

I also didn't like the goblins showing respect to Harry. It seems like they're policy is you play nice, they play nice. NOne of these secret looks and furtive glances of respect.

I always imagine them as a quasi-competitve communist culture where the group ALWAYS comes first, but there is internal battles to be the alpha whilst they publicly present a united front.

You follow their rules, they leave you alone. If you have something to offer them, they'll negoatiate. Community-based insular Slytherins. THat's how I see goblins.

Voldemort was FANTASTIC. His "waste of magical potential" comment about unicorns is PITCH-PERFECT. I loved it. And Dumbledore is also great. Penny doesn't make sense still. What made her follow her father, a man she DOESN'T know, rather than what she deems appropriate, or the person she had been dating for 4 years (we know they were dating during Harry's 4th year, before Percy split from the family, and I believe they started dating in 3 or 4. Not positive though.)

One last thing, as much as I support your Voldemort, I can't imagine he'd allow anyone to see the inner workings of his operation who he was incapable of harming (Penny). I also don't think he would have allowed her to toy with him like that, (i.e. speaking like an equal or being disingenuous with him.)

YOUR STORY IS GREAT!!! UPDATE SOON!!!

 

You raised a few good points there.

I didn't care much about that whole Lords and respectful Goblins and prearanged mariages thing, but I'm well aware that it's a plot direction many authors use. So, I kinda got used to it. Don't like it but can tolerate it.

I did like James' letter, though. It's exactly as it should be.

As for Penelope, we don't really know anything about her relationship with Percy. Maybe she was with him only coz she had high hopes of him reaching good position in the Ministry (Percy did achieve highest grades & head boy status). When Percy turned into a mere flunky, she dumped him, only to reaproach him lately after becoming a death eater.

As for her seeing his inner operations, that wasn't actually shown. She didn't participate in any DE meeting, right? And the oath... well, I already said that whole idea is one giant plot-hole generator. It's JKR's failt that she introduced such a ridiculous concept, not fanfic authors' who try to use it.

 

Killginny009 - Even though you thought the chapter was simply good filler material, I am glad you are pleased over my incorporation of scene breaks. I guess you are waiting for the action based chapters, but like I said in the review reply, thanks for keeping it real.

Chuck - I see you are a "performance based reader". A very demanding one at that. So far, he is only Lord Potter in formal occasions. I intend to keep it that way. You will notice that Susan used her title with Vernon to flex a little authority. The only Goblin who has really shown him respect is Cleftskull and by virtue of his position he has to deal with these arrogant wizards all the time. It is a refreshing change when one is actually smart enough to ask for his advice. I agree with your assessment of Goblin culture, but remember Cleftskull has risen to a high level in Goblin society.

Yeah the whole unicorn thing was definitely one of my favorites. In other news one of my correspondents wants to write the backstory of Penny/Voldy/Dolohov. I am going to edit it with him. It should be good. It may also answer your last point, especially if there is some kind of bond of servitude between daughter and father. If he already has Penny under his thumb (no she isn't a DE). He is training her for a specific mission of infiltration and as such she gets a bit of leeway furthermore he made the oath when his magic was damaged. By repairing it with Percy's core, he may have altered his core enough to invalidate the oath. He is just waiting for the change to finish propogating. How very slytherin of him.

Sorry you still didn't like the whole Narcissa thing. It truly was an oversight on my part. I may go back and edit it one day. Maybe expand the scene out a little bit, but right now I am pushing forward.

Jim

 

IP is right about the plot hole. I actually don't care for it too much either. I can picture weddings where the bride is demanding an unbreakable vow of fidelity and what not. Or to use IP82's point every student in Hogwarts required to take a vow of loyalty to the ministry or be kicked out of school. In retrospect, I should have ditched it like I ditched the Horcrux's. (More crappola in my opinion. - If my Voldy had made seven of them. No one would ever find them!)

Back to the goblins, well they play well with the wizards in the bank. It is there job after all. And Penny, we will see what kind of one shot me and Stormcrow can put together. I hope I have explained away Voldy's side of the oath with my last post.

Jim

 

I'll always keep it real..
I don't know if this has been brought up yet, but whats up with peter? Is he for real, like becoming some insane, powerful DE who likes to torture and kill people like bella? Or is he just the same weak peter that we've always known?

 

Peter wants to be the bogeyman. He wants to be the terror in the night that parents tell to their children. To boot he is insane, but sanity is a questionable ideal in the wizarding world. Pop quiz, name 3 adult wizards over the age of 40 that you consider sane? Not too many come to mind. Everyone of them has some wierd idiosyncrasy. Whether it is Arthur's muggle fascination, Molly's overbearing protectiveness, Dumbles barmy old codger routine, Moody and Olivander's creepiness and by the way who the hell names their kid Daedulus Diggle? That just screams please beat me up!

My theory is massive inbreeding takes it toll.

To answer your question more directly Peter is fairly powerful, and turning savage. You can make up for shortcomings in power by being brutal. You'll see trust me.

Jim

 

A good powerful, brutal, peter will be nice..
Kingsley, Flitwick, and McGongall don't seem insane..

 

Do "Black", "Short", and "Scottish" count?