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Abandoned Traitorous by Flamata - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palt, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. mibuokami

    mibuokami Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2007
    Messages:
    15
    I love this story, it was well written and the dialog flows

    My primary problem is with the near omnipotence of the dark side, especially Daphne who came of as a good looking Palpatine with all the answers.

    Still I can easily ignore it simply because the story is a joy to read, a lot can be forgiven or glossed over when one genuinely likes the plot.

    Anyways, shades of Star War

    4/5
     
  2. Drake

    Drake Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    270
    Location:
    Virginia
    I enjoyed reading this story. It was somewhat annoying how hard Harry tried to stick with what others told him was right, while he himself didn't truly believe those things. Though I am glad for a believable turning to the dark side.

    I found the Atrum Effect to be an interesting addition to the story, and I'm looking forward to see what the author does with Harry/Daphne.

    I give the story a 4/5. There's definitely potential for this to be a good fanfiction.
     
  3. Drake

    Drake Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
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    270
    Location:
    Virginia
    I think the story is still going strong, especially with the capture of Ron and Hermione. Can't wait to see what Harry does to his ex-friends. I enjoyed the revelation of Terry Boot being a fellow death eater, and the death eater politics in general. Definitely looking forward to next chapter.
     
  4. [KS18]Raziel44

    [KS18]Raziel44 Card Captored and buttsecksed

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2007
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    19
    a rather good fic. so i will give it 4/5
     
  5. The Sinner

    The Sinner Looked into the void

    Joined:
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    250
    Location:
    Somewhere between the heretic and Un'aria
    I had a bit of problem with the mechanics of dark magic, but I can always ignore that as the story is very well written and keeps me wanting for more, which is very important.

    4.5/5
     
  6. Saint Alia

    Saint Alia First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2007
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    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I love dark Harry stories, and this one always leaves me waiting for another chapter. Except for Harry just changing one master for another without too much complaint, the sort of "death eaters aren't evil just misunderstood thing", and the dark magic explination that weirded me out it's great.
    4/5
     
  7. I have read the 8 chapters so far, and its ok.
    I've definitly read better, but the 'shades of grey' is presented well, but thats the only thing going for it.
    Way to philosophical so far, and its wimp!Harry at his finest.
     
  8. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
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    710
    Not sure if anyone noticed, but the story was updated on the 9th.

    It's still good. The entire 'challenging' thing seemed barbaric in the Dark Lords ranks, but it was certainly interesting and a good idea.

    Haven't seen it done before.
     
  9. Mr. Merriman

    Mr. Merriman Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    289
    Eh, it's an alright story. Just read through what's posted, and while it's certainly not the best Dark Harry fic I've read, it's at least better than most. A bit heavy on the Dark Magic Is Just Misunderstood angle, but that's sort of like bitching about an Indy fic with a shopping trip. It's basically just part of the genre nowadays.

    The Death Eaters, though, don't really seem like . . well, Death Eaters. Draco664's Death Eater training was much more to my liking, but at least I got to read a reasonably well-written scene about Harry torturing Ron and Hermione.

    3/5
     
  10. Ezryl

    Ezryl Squib

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Messages:
    7
    I've just finished reading chapter nine, and I'm impressed by some of the thought he put in the spells. The explanation on why walking through walls with asomata was very imaginative, "It’s impossible with a wand, because you have to bring your wand through as well, and the wand doesn’t cast the spell on itself. You have to leave it on the other side, and then the spell ends and you’re stuck in solid stone," which was why it only succeeded for people who cast it wandlessly.

    On the other hand, some of his spells just seem to be alterations of JKR's, ie. proteus. It was just another version of protego, just with different letters and the fact that it was stronger.

    Overall, the story is very well thought out, and the Atrum effect was something that I had never seen before in other stories. The only other flaw I would have to point out is that near the end, when Mulciber casts crucio on Harry, because of asomata, it goes through him instead of hitting him. Wouldn't this defy avada kedavra, since it is unblockable?
     
  11. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    3,792
    This fic has ben updated. It's pretty good.
     
  12. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
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    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    's all right. Not great, but it is good. All my problems have been covered all ready, so I'm not gonna bother. 3.5/5
     
  13. Freelancer

    Freelancer Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2008
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    114
    I think it's good, but I don't read a lot of Dark!Harry so maybe this will change in the future.

    4.5/5
     
  14. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I like the story so far. Pretty decent, and the Granger/Weasley torture is great. I'd give it a 4 star at the moment.
     
  15. Onlyhestands

    Onlyhestands Fourth Year

    Joined:
    May 19, 2008
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    128
    Location:
    Republic of Vermont
    Chapter 11 is up. I thought it was pretty good myself, and I was glad to see it hadn't been abandoned.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2008
  16. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Chapter 11 turned out pretty darn decent. It looks like Harry's been found out thanks to Terry. (if not, then that's one nice cliffhanger right there). I still give it a 4/5.
     
  17. NightFox

    NightFox Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    206
    Location:
    New York
    Enjoyed chapter eleven, but my only qualm is how poor Dumbledore is performing, a recurrent theme throughout the length of this fic. He consistently is outsmarted by Voldemort - another character who is dealt in absolutes, being a perfect bringer of Eutopia - and is utterly foolish in his dealings within his own Order. I'm glad to see that Harry's reliance on Daphne is slowly decreasing, but the Author seems to be getting bored with writing Hary, and is preferring continuing the story through other pathways such as scenes with Dumbledore and the Order (that are well implemented, regardless).

    Base 4/5, readable and is consecutively darkening in its tone. Can't say I'm very excited about the blatant interrogation of Dumbledore on the students in his castle and the premier reasons for going to Voldemort's side, but it's better than most of the drabble on FanFiction.net.
     
  18. FollowTheReaper

    FollowTheReaper Professor

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2008
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    Location:
    Finland
    What he said!
     
  19. Freelancer

    Freelancer Fourth Year

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    Mar 4, 2008
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    If Dumbledore already found out about Harry, then it would be quite strange for the scene in the prologue for he to ask the Dark Lord Apprentice about the Phoenix wand. Although, it could be that the author wants to create Dumbledore that is blinded with trust until the end or Terry somehow fight the Veritaserum and didn't give Harry up.

    My rating of 4.5/5 stand and I thinkthis story can only get better.
     
  20. Muttering Condolences

    Muttering Condolences Card Captored and buttsecksed

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    Terry probably used the same kind of evasion that Snape uses.

    "The Dark Lord has Harry in his custody." True, and the mind fills in the rest.