Title: Transfigured Beast
Author: ZeroTheDestroyer
Rating: M (sexual themes and violence)
Genre: Time Travel/Cross Dimensional
DLP Category: Time Travel
Pairing: HP/Merope Gaunt
Status: WiP (over 4,000 words so far)

Summary: Traveling through the endless dimensions of time the beast has found it. A home. The final destination. The choice that should have been made will be made, but its not easy. Its never easy. Do you have the heart Harry? Can you kill a baby?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4715212/1/

Only 1 chapter so far, just an idea I had.

 

Umm. Not too much to say. I glanced through it and it could be interesting, but I'm still not really sure where it's going. I guess that the monster was created by Harry? And at the end is it the hat?

As a sidenote, the lack of spaces between each chapter made it a little hard to read for me, plus I saw a couple grammatical and spelling errors.

No rating.

 

Wall of text is wall of text. I couldn't even start man.

 

I can't even begin to apologize, I posted a link, I hope you can read it now.

 

-> it was a beast of an abomination

I love the quote under the title - I was expecting something from a philosopher, dramatic and wise, and got socks instead.

The visual of the stag with bloodied horns was epic, until you overdid it with the skulls.

You need to watch your similes and comparisons. Stuff like this have a tendency to ruin the atmosphere. Size of a small car, like an UFO, they plummet the epicness of the scene.

Next time post the text of the chapter, not give the link.

Nice job.

 

I tried posting the fic on the thread, I put in on quick reply and ended up getting "a wall of text", literally. I have never posted a chapter directly onto here but I'll have to do that next time to save time if nothing else.

I know what you mean, the small car, nuclear bomb, and ufo really got me down, but they paint a very accurate picture and are easy to imagine.

I'll have to find some things to replace that with, thanks.

 

I didn't read it yet, but I had to say that it's kind of weird that the first chapter is named 25 chapter =/

 

Thread moved. If you couldn't take the time to reformat the story when you pasted it into the quick-post, you shouldn't have put this in the WbA section. The For Review serves the same purpose.

 

Get a beta reader. Errors abound, there's almost one in every sentence, and your description needs some heavy polishing. Lines like 'The skull was not pretty' make me want to go read something else, posthaste. You also have a tendency to write rambling run-on sentences (what I call 'comma-itis').

 

At the top of the thread there should be a link to click on.

Fair enough, as long as I can get some insight to improve the first chapter that is fine.

True enough but I wanted to post this directly onto the work by authors but the copy and past ended up melding all the words together, not sure why, might be because I did not use Word or Open office to make this.

This is just a prelimary idea of Harry coming into the past to actually kill baby Riddle, the only problem is Riddle is still inside Merope right now.

 

Decently done, and different. 3.5/5

 

I said it before that your work lacked realism and intensity, but I take that back. This one was actually good.

I commend you on your improvement, yet this one was pretty overkill on the action, not that I am complaining, but you turned God like Harry into something resembling Demon-God "abomination."

I can see where your going with this fic and I have to say I like it.

I have read a lot of fics and honestly there are only a few that has a description of that creature that came out of the Shroud of Mysteries, hell Jbern's Daemon had nothing on this thing, and thats saying a lot considering the creature you described didn't even talk yet.

I am not even sure how I am supposed to imagine that its Harry? Is it Harry underneath that Golem, that's pretty twisted? And the Time line? When is this fic occurring? Dumbledore Era like Back To the Place Where It all Began.

What is the deal with Charlus being a teenager in this one, weren't he and Dumbledore the same age?

Anyway good work, don't screw it up this time.

4/5 and thats becuase I just read three really really really shitty time travel fics on the DLP library, if you can make a time travel fic that does not make me want to kill someone then by all means DO IT!

 

I tried something new, no one was willing to write about something like this instead of Serpents Atire, but she seems to gone back to write slash, but I still liked Requimtoir.

Anyway good work, don't screw it up this time.

Thanks, I guess. A lot of people were complaining about the time line being strange in Back, so I used the HP lexicon time line for this story, Charlus Potter is still in Hogwarts.

You'll have to wait for the next chapter to see whats going to happens next.

 

I do have a question though:

Any idea why you seem to have the same computer as ZeroTheDestroyer?

 

“Albus leave this place, do not let your desire for heroism be tainted with greed, you have done enough. I will not warn you again!”

Harry sounds somewhat dramatic in this and I'm holding my reservations for now, I'll see what happens.


Epic Lulz coming up folks.

 

Fuck!

He is my University Roomate, can you get this post out of here before he gets back?

I don't want him to know I have been screwing with his posts.

Can threads be removed?

 

Oh this is a new one.

It's not his brother or twin this time.

Cute.

insert eye roll.

 

You might have to create another account cause I just gave this one a 1/5.

 

I honestly don't like this one. The action seems to be a little dry and it doesn't suck me in the way a good story ought to. I don't see the connection to Harry yet, all that we really have is a crazy monster coming through the veil.

 

Gonna have to agree with Vir. Not seeing Harry in it yet...