From Luna's letter to Harry in the last chapter of Bungle...

 

Thumbs up.

First three chapters, and you still have better fight scenes than half of the stories in the library. Not as much character interaction as I wanted, but I'm sure you'll get to that later in the story.

Yeah, definitely one of the top stories I've ever read.

 

Holy Crap that eye is green.
Keep up the work Jbern

 

I have to agree with Kyle, that's one green eye.

Thanks for the compliments. I'm starting in on chapter 4 either today or tomorrow.

Plenty of character interaction coming as Harry must attend a Brazilian Ministry function.

Jim

 

Gah! I'm colorblind and it's even green to me.

I'm looking forward to seeing what Luna makes of the Jagalisk. Could be an entertaining way to get under Herms's skin when the latter is stopped mid-rant (made-up creatures, blah blah) by being stalked and pounced upon by the jag. Possible Luna/Harry payback after Herm tries a bit too desparately to get Harry in the sack? Getting Hermoine to doubt the nonexistence of Loony's critters would be pretty funny for the joke insiders...besides, Harry could still keep the form secret--who would possibly believe his animagus form is something Loony made up?

Can't wait for the next installment in one of my favorite stories. (Though reading Jim's stuff is humbling as I contemplate where to go with my own half-written fic...).

 

A little offtopic but how in the world do you browse this forum if you're colorblind to green?

Anywho, this story is as good as ever Jim. I really can't predict what will happen next so good job on that... I can't wait to the be surprised.

 

The site is green?

Mostly I just see it as some kind of light color on some indeterminate dark background. The text looks grey to me. (Sorry--back onto topic now).

 

I'm red-green colorblind, and I thought the background was gray. The layout doesn't bother me.

 

Woot! New chapter. I think I'll reread the first three before I move on to the new chapter, though. Awesome late holiday gift, jbern,

 

Wonderful Chapter Jbern. Personally, I think Harry's idea is a good one, but it is so going to bite him in the ass later.

And I was already pretty sure we hadn't seen the last of the Daemon.

 

Too little material for an actual critique, but I have one thing to say.

Can you please stop with the 'I'm out from Dumbledore's thumbzorz of doomz! I kiks ass and choos bublegums!'

The oldest rule of fiction writing applies: Show don't tell.

Stop with the preaching, it breaks the suspension of disbelief.

 

Good chap!
The Daemon complication left me wondering. So did Harry's little idea of pretending to be Chilotha who pretends to be Harry. This surely will have some unexpected consequences.

Oh, and:

One more thing to wonder about.

In any case, Great job!

 

good chap, Im not gonna lie though, that Daemon thing really freaked me out. I think that Harry/Luna made good progres. I think the Chilotha thing was also a good idea

 

The lack of scene breaks in chapter four made reading the story at FFN slightly difficult. The last bit with Harry pretending to be Chilotha made me think of this line.

"Hi. I'm Harry Potter, who is pretending to be the Dark Lord Chilotha, who is pretending to be Harry Potter, who is pretending to be a Daemon, who is pretending to be both Slavic and Tonedeaf."

 

Great chapter jBern.

Though it could really use some cosmetic polishing. I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there... and the complete lack of scene breaks or transitions really did make it a sore to read on FFnet.

Got me sitting on the fence again.

 

I'll fix the scene breaks. They must not have uploaded with the document.

Sorry about that.

Jim

 

There weren't any problems with scene breaks at FFA... or I just didn't see them.

Anyway it's a really good chapter and it made my day. Guess I can't really blame Santa being one day late; it was worth the waiting.

 

I used a single * for scene breaks in the original document.

I went back and did a find replace and switched it to my six dashes.

It's fixed now.

Jim

 

I liked the chapter. The deamon thing was more than a little spooky though. The idea of having Harry pretend to be a dead dark wizard inhabiting Harry Potter's body is funny up until the point where he has to face Tom and Tom figures it out and whips the floor with Harry( if it is anytime soon) because Harry might be good, but he aint that good yet.

 

Great new chapter. I can believe Narcissa getting off on power. Hey, have Harry fuck her in front of Lucius and Draco AND Dumbledore. He probably hasn't had any since the 1930s...... ew