Nicely done Jim. I enjoyed reading it. However the update has been so long since the last one, I'll have to reserve comments until I reread the last chapter. After that I'll give you my real thoughts.

 

I'm more fond of "That really appeals to the man-whore in you." personally.

First rate chapter Jim, as always, looking forward to more.

 

One thing that I noticed is that you've used the quote "Strike hard, strike fast, and leave chaos in your wake." in both the latest chapters of TML and TLIL. While others may appreciate such gems for reading both stories [see Nicolette], I see this as lazyness and lack of originality. I ask that you not repeat yourself again in your stories.

 

Oh please, this isn't the first time he has crossed ideas between the two stories. Don't think of it as lacking originality, think of it as one work confirming parts of the other while building into his new fan made mythos.

I for one, enjoy the bonuses for those who read both stories.

 

General Custer, it is just fan fiction. Tom Clancy and many other "Big Name"
Fiction writers fall into a "stock phrase " trap, and I for think that the editors of such books need to be a little firmer with the red ink.

Just a thought.

 

The whole 'drawing runes on Harry's hand' seems suspicious to me. Of course... I don't even remember what's possible with runes and such, it's been too long since the Bungle, so maybe there's no danger.

Nice chapter.

 

Personally I laughed at the "History with Binns is the most useful class at Hogwarts". Haven't seen this one before!

 

What's suspicious? Harry recognized them as (basically) wank runes.

 

Its makes an on sort of sense really. Magical creatures most likely to put sharp pointy things in Wizards? #1 on the list, Goblins.

 

yep... but really, "There was that Grip… something or other." is just hilarious.
I really enjoyed that update- was really nice action in it, and a healthy dose of jokes.

 

Centaurs? Basilisks? Acromantulas? Skrewts? Dragons? That Veela you called a slut?

 

Centaurs might be up there, but while the others are certainly more dangerous they're definitely not as likely.

 

Without a comma between 'mantra' and 'to', this sentence pretty much means the opposite of what it's supposed to.

Also Climactic = Climax /// Climatic = Weather, so what you're actually looking for here is 'anticlimactic'.

Yeah, the runes on the hand thing did seem suspicious... then again, maybe that's just what it was designed to do. Then again, maybe she's Baba Yaga. :awesome

 

For a turn, I didn't like this chapter nearly as much as I do others. Sure, all the witty one-liners were there to add chuckles, but it felt rushed and the transitions seemed off.

The action was good, but not, I think, on par with other scenes we've seen. I don't mean the action itself, but the descriptions of it. Overall it felt choppy and inconsistent with previous chapters.

And this might be nitpicking, but how are conjured monkeys outrunning the sleds through snow?

 

I'm with Warlocke on this one...Svetlana=Baba Yaga.

Harry does seem to have this 'thing' for older women.

 

No no no.
Svetlana=Babe Yaga

 

I don't think it's her - that'd be too predictable. Possibly a daughter or granddaughter.

 

You mean Baby Yaga? :awesome

 

Decendent maybe, anything else is just way to predictable. I thought that the moment I finished the chapter where the character was introduced. Granddaughter i could believe.

 

I think the Baba Yaga--Babe Yaga--Baby Yaga transition is the funniest part of this chapter. Not that it was bad, but... lulz. The chapter seemed a little rushed (I mean, it is a fanfic and the guy just had a kid, so you can't complain too much) compared to the others, but I like the action. Still far and away the best action/adventure story out there.

Good shit, J.