I know their really isn't a point to arguing with you when you personally just disagree, but at least I can make my reasoning clearer. It was much more the Luna just didn't do ... anything back. I mean, it did represent their relationship in a way that I hadn't seen last night, but it was the lack of her reciprocation that got to me the most. A small smile, a nod, or even a ducking of the head would have been much better. It's such a small thing -barely a sentence- yet it completely threw me off track. An anti-climatic meeting was needed, but a mutual one would have been best.

 

Most people had something positive to say about the story in general; Bungle included with TML. I can't say much that hasn't already been said, though as I was reading through this thread I couldn't help but think that everyone was on crack when they thought that something as cliche as imbibed demon blood would give Harry additional powers. It's those things that ruin good stories I've read. I'll agree with the past few posts on the issue of how 'real' the confrontation with Dumbledore and Hermione was, it did seem hollow throughout. The rest of it made plenty of sense here, even the smile he and Luna shared. Though the curse (dark object) that was afflicting Katie was a good bit of action to start off chapter with. I hope to read some good magical explanations during the trophy room scene; one of the reasons I loved Bungle.

 

I had to reread that part to be sure.
I see where you're coming from. Jbern could have easily twisted the wording around a bit so as to show any reaction back but I didn't really take it at that.
Having reread it again, I realized I just presumed she had done a non-desribed reaction. It seemed that obvious she had to have done it.
On the other hand Dumbledore did interrupt quite fast before any eye-soul connection could have been described, either that or Luna was occupied with something else, who knows?

Bah now it's bugging me as well. Yeah characters don't quite have that life to them anymore..

 

No, as Dumble's said, Dippet's only other portrait is in the Trophy Room. Thus Dippet could not report to Tom. Otherwise I am sure Riddle would have found out the prophecy long ago given Dumble's penchant for pensieve viewing in his office. From what Jbern said the portrait is part of the Horcrux's defense. Jbern, does this mean we get a similar fight to Harry's defense of the House of Black from tFtCD?

 

Thanks for all the feedback. I'll answer the last question first - Yes and No. Yes people will probably die and no, it won't be like the Black family portraits from TFtCD.

Harry didn't really have much time to linger when looking at Luna. He wanted to, but there was the all-encompassing problem of Dumbledore in the Great Hall.

I'm about to go do some housekeeping to the chapter as several errors have been brought to my attention. I suppose I can throw in a simple smile and a wink from Miss Lovegood. Really, if you're expecting more than that from her in a crowded room, you shouldn't. She is still a painfully shy person who will hide behind her Looney personna.

Odds are she won't take too well to the newest developments either, but when is it ever easy for Harry.


The only other portrait Dumbledore knows of is in the trophy room...

For those that are curious, the Horcrux was created with Dippet's death at Riddle's hands. He returned it to the castle on the day he had his DADA interview with Dumbledore. It was shortly after that happened that the recently deceased Headmaster's portraits were delivered to the castle in accordance with Dippet's will. Naturally, Riddle had 'tampered' with them a bit.

This will be a hot topic in the next chapter.

Jim

 

I thought this chapter was really good, i especially enjoyed the Harry Dumbledore conflict, nice one making Harry get under his skin.

I agree with EvilSpanker too, the Herm thing was a great idea, except its more like shagging two girls with one condom

 

One of the few Manipulative!Dumbledore confronatation scenes I have every really enjoyed. Excellent.

The news that Harry's gotta shag/be with Herms is a major dissapointment
(I hope you kill her soon).

 

The corrected version is posted. The six errors pointed out to me and the one POV slip have been corrected.

As for Luna, I added this little bit - Where you gave Neville a nod, you give the petite little Ravenclaw with the large blue eyes a slight smile. For her part, she gives you a blush and quickly averts her eyes. You can’t wait to finally get her alone, so the two of you can “really talk.”

Jim

 

I'm not looking forward to seeing how this Hermione entanglement is going to damage Harry's relationship with Luna.

Hopefully she's learned her lesson after blowing up at Harry in their correspondence and will be understanding enough to place the full weight of the blame squarely where it belongs; on Hermione and Dumbledore.

Then she can set her mind to improving things with Harry and plotting her own small revenge against that meddling bastard and Hermione 'I bend over for anyone who outranks me' Granger.

 

Nice teaser chapter. Too short, though, heh.

Nice setting for heavy emotional turmoil. I can't remember if I've already said that, but I loved Harry&Luna epistolary. Loved more than action scenes actually. Don't know why people would whine about it, or complain about having to scroll through the letters part: especially when the same people would flock to every flame war on the forum like proverbial flies to shit -- these letters, and the conflict in them, were modelled after your common forum-type flame war, so what's the matter?

/* digressing */
Then, some people here were grumbling that, in the letters, Harry should have stopped writing when Luna went overboard and shovelled shit on him. Again, I'd like to disagree: why should he stop? He was doing the right thing -- unpleasant, yes, but right. She always went with him in deeds, and as Jim pointed out, words alone mean shit when compared to the real thing. And the real thing is -- she went with him to the DoM. Leaving her alone, when knowing she needed good friend at the time, would have been pretty low.
/* quite finished */

***​

Contrary to the popular notion, I thought Harry was too whiny in this chapter: he ranted rather excessively. I know people were expecting a good "confrontation" show, but good rant doesn't make a good story: while satisfying to the author, it does little to the character. Jim's Harry rants in his own head, which is good. When he starts to rant aloud, it only makes him look immature. Though, Jim, I'll give you a cookie if you'd confirm that you made Harry rant a bit, on purpose so he'd look a bit like his age.

I think I'd go through the rant scenes to explain myself.

***​

Lupin's whipping. The beginning was cool, but this:

and the next passage:​

was a bit too much. No sir, he didn't sound bitter at all. Though maybe that's not a matter of Harry being too immature here, but just the lack of the inner dialogue showing:

Maybe add something like "this really pushed you past <something>" in between?​

***​

Dumbledore's and Hermione's bashing.

I'd like to agree with gadriam: Kwan and Hack leaving felt random. Personally, Jim, I thought you made them leave just to save yourself pains from having to make them participate in the dialogue. If that is true, than it was cheap, man!

Again, where's the inner dialogue? This looked bare. Liven it up with simple "you regard her coldly..." and it's so much better!​

When Harry brought up Marietta, Dumbledore parried with Dueling Association, to that Harry's comeback was:

...real witty and hardly arguable. I thought he was supposed to rub it off from politicians, was he not, eh?​

The rest of the scene went flowing.

***​

And some things I noticed while re-reading:

emphasis mine​

that was already pointed out though​

 

Forgive me if I'm interpreting what people are saying incorrectly but isn't it a bit hypocritical of this boards members to think/want Harry to all but profess his love for Luna. Sure they have a bond but I'd be reluctant to think of them as even close friends. The Luna which Harry knew about from 5th year isn't even the same person which he was writing to while in Brazil. Most of that correspondance was simply keeping the other person up to date on the other's life. The latter half was merely angry tirades at eachother.

Their friendship could form into something more substantial but it would take probably the rest of this book to get it to that level (if you are going for a happily ever after ending). I probably shouldn't expect that because Luna is far from mature in knowledge of relationships. She has purposely pushed everyone away for her whole life. Harry isn't much better but he does have some experience.

To expect this 'ship' to work out in the next few chapters makes this story the classical Harry/Ginny fanfiction, where there is little reason for the relationship to exist other than the authors desire for it to happen. Then again it is a problem in most fanfiction (And JKR's 6th and 7th books).


Keep writing Jbern, your fic is one of the best I have read in a very long time.

I do have a problem with the nature of the oath though,

Not only is Harry giving up his freedom (being forced to reside in the castle) but also all employment opportunities for the rest of his life (or Dumbledore's) considering to the best of his ability would require him to be at the castle all the time. The wording itself is poor and would be something that Kwan would have noticed.

There are a large number of loopholes which he could use. To get out of charging the wards with Hermoine, simply say that he is incapable of forming any sort of Familial relationship with her, let alone love. Proof of this is the wards sapping his energy when he set foot on Hogwarts. If he felt familial love the wards would charge on their own.

In essesnse as long as he feels a certain way he shouldn't be punished as it is to the best of his ability. Not what anyone else thinks his ability may be. If he thinks talking with Bill is far more importent then he doens't need to attend class. etc. Residing at the castle he simply needs to hold official residence there.

The simple solution without getting into legal arguments is that Harry gets Dumbles to give the potion to Bill. Familial as in family love. Bill is basically Harry's big brother at this point. Harry having sex with Hermoine would probably weaken the wards because I doubt a family having sex with eachother means they are a closer family. I'm pretty sure Harry loves Bill in a brotherly way far more than he does Hermoine a sister.

 

I think I finally realized what I felt was missing from the scene from Dumbledore's office. It seems to me that Harry is accepting things too easily. Maybe I'm wrong and he's just biding his time, but it's like he's back to a school boy again just readily accepting what the Headmaster tell him.

On a side note, considering what Hermione's done for the supposed 'greater good' I was hoping that Harry would throw it in her face when she was protesting the act of intercourse. It's for the greater good after all.

 

Alright, that was a great chapter. I like how you had Harry lose to Dumbledore as far as words go. It shows that Dumbledore really is an old, intelligent man, especially since he's a tricky bastard. I'll get a laugh at Ron finding out that his life depends on Harry and Hermione banging in their private lovenest. That scene itself was epic, but Harry should have wondered aloud if a little oral will preserve the wards. Maybe taking it in the ass would preserve the wards as well as Hermione's virginity. That all of course is up to the individual's definition of intercourse and virginity.

All in all, I can't wait for another chapter of Turn Me Loose. I'm also waiting on The Lie I've Lived. I've kissed enough ass as it is, but jbern really is my favorite fan fiction writer.

 

I just thought of a way (undoubtedly not THE way) Harry can twist that "serve Hogwarts to the best of my ability" trap - come up with a Dark ritual that involves sacrificing Dumbledore to increase the power to the wards. As Headmaster, AD could be a perfect fit as a boost to the castle's defenses. Let the old fart try to deny THAT. I'm sure he can dodge it, but it would be fun to watch.

I'd also like someone (probably Kwan, as the ally with the most real-world experience) to point out that AD's manipulations "for the greater good" all seem to focus on the protection of Hogwarts; not, for example, the Ministry or even Diagon Alley, where DE activity would be a much more likely and effective event.

For that matter, Harry's promise was to protect Hogwarts, not exactly the "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (or whatever the Charter reads.)" Empty out the castle of students, teachers, ghosts, etc., and hide the entire building under the Fidelius. THAT would keep it safe, right?

*rereading the last entry *
Apparently, I'm in a vicious mood.


By the way, in AD's "explanation" about the mind-control potions that they were feeding Harry, he *implied* that Lily used them on James. Although it's more likely that James used them on her - canon states firmly that James stalked her for years before he managed to get her. Maybe Lily's consent wasn't an issue...

*Please* have Harry warn Neville about the nasty things that Gryff girls like to do to get a date.

 

Having read all this instead of reading the fic the thread was supposed to be critiquing, I only have one real question, and Vash...this one is for you.

Was the chick ex-canadian, or ex-wifey? I found the description hilarious either way.

 

Strange review and updates

First, TML 3 is with my final editor for last minute checks. He told me that it will be back either this evening or tomorrow at the latest.

I'm working on chapter 40 (the finale of TFtCD) today. I hope to have it done by next week.

Second, is a strange anonymous review left on each of my stories at ff.net. It's probably some fanboy prodding me to update faster. This doesn't seem like Bio's Modeus Operandi. He's much more clever than this. Either way, reports of my ill health are not correct and I'm not in and out of the hospital.

Anyway, here it is. I don't know how many people actually read the story and then sit there reading the reviews for each chapter. I did flame a guy recently, well technically respond to a flame of his, so it could be him, but this one's spelling is decent.

Jim

ATTENTION READERS
-

As you may well know, Jim's fics have been on hold for a while now.

Recently Jim has fallen ill and has been too busy to write.
Over the last month he has been in and out of hospital. His works of fiction
will continue to be on hold for some time until he is in good health again.

Over the next couple of months Jim will be working on getting back up to
scratch. He thanks those who have taken the time to read his fiction and all
those who have stuck with him from the beginning.
At the moment; Darkness, TML and Lie may be on hold until the new year
period.
Please wish Jim luck, thank you for reading and staying faithful to the fic.


Jim's Friend,



Brian.

-------

At least he didn't put "Jim's special friend" or "life partner" down. That'd be a tough one to explain to the wife.

Jim

 

:banana: Sweet!:banana:

That's no good, best of luck in regaining your health Jbern.

 

...

You didn't read the rest of the post, did you?

I hope it's sarcasm or banter but I'm rather scared it isn't.

 

This is probally one of the best fics ive read while swimming through all the garbage on FF.N, a good plot, no slash, Indi!Harry, and a troll with wings that should be on a anime lolita, and a healthy dose of bashing, the Bashing is not excesive to the point were the story is basiclly the authors way to vent, but just the right amount like in magic brownies, you cant have to much weed or it overpowers the it and taste like well weed.

 

Any chance of it showing up tonight? Or should I just quit looking every 5 minutes?