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WIP Uchiha Fukurou by ToBetasered - T - Naruto/Harry Potter

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Palver, Jul 16, 2011.

  1. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    I'd say they're pretty close lol.

    Gotta say, the Head of Root has to be the most suggestive title in Naruto.

    But I do totally agree with all of yak's points.
     
  2. Junky

    Junky Squib DLP Supporter

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    I assume you mean Mikoto.
     
  3. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Yes, thank you. :eek:
     
  4. Celestin

    Celestin Dimensional Trunk

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    A new chapter is up.

    This is probably the first time that I see Harry getting a sort of harem and it actually makes sense in the story as opposed to the usual wet dream of the author. Still, with all power-ups and everything else, I hope that Fukurou's enemies will be up to the challenge. Otherwise this fic will become very boring.
     
  5. Fenraellis

    Fenraellis Chief Warlock

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    I'm not really sure that a harem was implied, so much as having at least one(and perhaps only one) of them successfully manage to get his genes into the pool. If that means that multiple of them try to do so, it certainly doesn't mean that more than one of them succeeds.

    The teaser at the start of the chapter was amusing though. Whether or not it was a hypothetical situation related to the chapter's events, or very specific foreshadowing, I can't say for sure.
     
  6. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    Little things here were once again annoying. I really liked the explanation of how Fukurou overcomes Root, and it all made perfect sense in story. As well, I was impressed with how the author tried to even the playing field a little by making him acknowledge the harmful effects of the Mangekyou, therefore preserving it's use for only the most epic of battles.

    And then he, without any time, solves the only barrier to total Sharingan domination with a handwaved seal. Goddamnit. He was already OP before the Mangekyou, but now its just dumb.

    And during that scene, I quite liked how Fukurou is forced to come to grips with the dark side of Konoha and, Batman style, decides he must succeed Danzo as the silent protector in the night, doing what needed to be done for Konoha, even if it meant killing kids. A real progression of his character an acknowledgement of how different this world is to his original, and how he himself must adapt to live in it. Oh, no, he just saves everyone and continues on, using his nary explained abilities to win in every situation. Goddamnit.

    And of course, the obligatory 'OMG and like, all the women think hes SOO hot!' scene. The humour in the story was already taken care of by Anzu, the sexual humour in particular, did we really need a description of his 'rock hard abs' and 'equally firm behind'. I'm all in favour of MILFs but when randomly introduced and played out in stereotypes to add in contrived humour and sex jokes, no, goddamnit, it just stinks.

    All that said, this fic is still better than most of the fandom, and is pretty entertaining. I rate the fic total 3/5 since the idea was executed well and the writing was a cut above most of the fandom, but 2 taken off for completely sue-ifying Harry and disappointing me a lot in the latest chapters.
     
  7. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    Just finished reading this.

    I feel like I've just read a 52,899 word summarization of a Naruto/Harry Potter fanfiction. Dialog and character interaction is sparse which makes it near impossible to create any likable characters.

    If anything this fic reminds me of a documentary. Everything is being explained by a narrator and then we'll get a few scenes by some bad actors with some dialog thrown in for dramatic effect.

    Even still it's better than about 90% of the HP/Naruto fics around so I'll give it a 3/5 for keeping my attention all the way through and wanting to know more.

    EDIT: I just want to say; I am convinced that I am the creator of Sharingan!Harry (or at least had the first popular one). Around 2004/05 I created a fic where Harry was an Uchiha through his father's side (actually I think I had James be the exiled brother of Fugaku because his eyes were defected :/) Around chapter 11 it had 900+ reviews. Within a year about 10 more fics with Harry having the Sharingan popped up.

    It had every cliche you can think of. Harry wasn't liked by his clan. He became friends with the orphaned Naruto. He awoke his Sharingan at a young age. Got the mangekyo early. Was trained by Kakashi and learned Chidori. Naruto got trained by Gai early on etc etc. Yeah, it was fucking baaaad. I eventually removed it and put it in with the other skeletons in my closet. I'm not proud of my past ; - ;

    The Uchiha Potter fic mentioned earlier was inspired by my fic. The author and I exchanged PMs for a bit back then. Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2011
  8. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    So you want credit for inspiring someone to write something? If so, Rowling should give that train credit in Manchester/London for her coming up with the HP Books, if not, then I'm just too tired and mis-reading.

    Although it has hardly any dialogue, the writing style reminds me a lot of First Try and while it isn't one of the best fics out, it's one of the better Naruto fics that's updating regularly, I can count them on my fingers, actually.
     
  9. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    Er... not really I'm not asking for any credit at all. Was stating for historical fact and my eternal shame. I wish I still had the fic so you could see how bad it was.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2011
  10. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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  11. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    wat

    The original First Try was pretty good, but the sequel, which is the one updating, was a terribad canon-clone that wasn't saved by the writing, especially since all original characterization was lost in order to accommodate canon.

    Apart from that, yeah, I heartily agree with your post.
     
  12. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I laughed a bit at Sasuke this chapter. He got one line out that just had me creased up in laughter.
     
  13. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Prestigious Tomato ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The line about
    careful kunai application to the balls?
     
  14. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Nah, the line a bit later.

    "I know she's his bitch…"
     
  15. zoxabels

    zoxabels First Year DLP Supporter

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    The last chapter made me lose my hope for this story:(.
     
  16. Illution

    Illution Seventh Year

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    I'm slightly confused. So the first part of the chapter was Sasuke's dream. Then was the part of revenge…
    on Fukurou for getting his mother pregnant
    was also just his inference?
     
  17. Greener

    Greener Sixth Year

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    His inference? No, I'm pretty sure that happened. And Mikoto doesn't seem like the type of person to have a random one-nighter with just anyone.

    We know from the previous chapter Fukurou's getting propositioned from more than one Uchiha to father children. And while she did try to mentor him it was never really a mothering thing (lol, smacking of Oedipus), she was a ninja whose opinion he respected - and a strong woman who saved the remnants of her clan, a leader.

    I bet he tapped that ass...
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2011
  18. Kurufinwe

    Kurufinwe Groundskeeper

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    Greener who wouldn't ? :p
     
  19. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Great thing about ninja villages. Woman that are fifty probably don't look older than thirty. And a woman coming from a clan where every single male is portrayed as bishounen...

    *grins*
     
  20. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    Sigh. Sadly, I got this fic confused for a second with One Small Kindness, and assumed you meant the badass Mikoto from that story, then realized the plot was far less interesting because this Mikoto has basically zero development.