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[Complete] Unatoned by SeriousScribble - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Sesc, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Title: Unatoned
    Author: SeriousScribble
    Rating: M
    Genre: Crime/Drama
    DLP Category: Dark Arts
    Pairing: Harry/Astoria, Harry/Daphne
    Chapters: 23
    Words: 103,724
    Updated: Nov. 21, 2012
    Published: June 27, 2012
    Status: Complete


    Summary:
    Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction: After his victory over Voldemort, Harry became an Auror, and realised quickly that it wasn't at all like he had imagined. Changed by a long two-year war that has left scars, and disillusioned with the people and the Ministry, he takes on a last case. But when he starts digging deeper, his life takes a sudden turn and he discovers a fundamental truth: Nothing is more attractive than a dangerous woman …

    AUish, Post-Hogwarts. Disregards most of DH. Harry/Astoria, Harry/Daphne.



    Yeah. Figured I'd toss it up here as well. I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up quite polarising, but if you like a darker atmosphere, a dash of mystery and focus on character relations, give it a try. It's finished, updates are Wednesday and Saturday.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 25, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2012
  2. silentclock

    silentclock Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I suspect you're right about it being polarizing. But I love it.

    The writing is technically outstanding. And there are parts, like when Harry's
    tripping on potions
    that it reaches out of this world, oh my god it's good levels. If someone isn't sure whether they should read this fic, the quality of the writing alone should give them incentive to do so.

    And Daphne. Oh my, Daphne. It's fairly well-known that I ship Harry/Daphne. But whenever I see that cliche, I can't help but cringe. And that's what you've got here. But it isn't. What so many other fics have said, yours delivers on. And I like it. I can't imagine that I'd ever want to read another fic with a Daphne, or any love interest, done like this, but in this one, I like it. Her relationship with Harry intrigues me. And I can't help but thinking that they deserve each other.

    Finally, the atmosphere. I'm a big fan of noir, and Raymond Chandler. What impresses me most about this fic is how good a job you do at creating that dark, gritty, snarky, noir feel. You fucking nail it.It's an easy 5/5 from me.
     
  3. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    The kind of fic that is frustrating until its conclusion.

    However, it's undeniably brilliant. The quality of the writing alone would earn it a 5/5, regardless of the plot.
     
  4. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    a definite 5/5.
     
  5. Euro

    Euro Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    Fucking awesome. 5/5.
     
  6. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    You already know what I think about this. Excellent writing and atmosphere, but Harry is too bland and Daphne too super.

    4/5.
     
  7. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    The writing in this is great, the perfect blend of story telling and mystery. But, I find the plot it's uninspiring and not that great, and the characters are pretty lackluster. It's a prettied up HP/DG story, but aside from spectacular writing, there's just not that much substance beyond that. I just wish there was more to it to really make it stand out, because it's pretty much just the same stuff we've seen a thousand times, just prettied up. I can't help but want a bit more than that, since you've shown yourself to be clearly capable of doing it.

    4/5
     
  8. Oliver Kingston

    Oliver Kingston Fake Flamingo Prestige DLP Supporter

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    6 of fucking 5, this shit is professional grade shit, like... Hammet or Scribble? who is better?
     
  9. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    The problem I have reading this story, is that it reads too much like a published mystery novel. And I have the nasty habit of reading the end of a mystery novel first, which I couldn't do with this story (I actually haven't read the WIP thread).

    Sesc, your story is awesome. I'd be pretty excited to read your work if you published an original novel.

    5/5 for sheer quality.
     
  10. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    This is a classic and one of the best stories to be written in the entire phase of HP fanfiction after Independent!Harry died out. This is outstanding writing, and in many ways it's a beautiful story, with its own world.

    There's truth to the criticicsm of Harry and Daphne. The noir trappings really hurt Harry's characterization, relugating him to the bland gumshoe. The way he acts, reacts, feels, thinks... the detective protagonist was the most unwelcome and disappointing thing to come out of Sesc's noir inspiration.

    But even so, this is exceptional.

    5/5.
     
  11. TripticWriter

    TripticWriter Groundskeeper

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    I wasn't going to rate this, considering the mixed feeling I get from it but I believe in balance and there is just too much praise for this work.

    All the talks about the plot being irrelevant in face of the spectacular writing kind of annoy me. I get it, really, because it's a little like reading a manga only for the drawing or going out with someone just because they look nice.

    But it shouldn't be enough for the near perfect rating you are giving it. And as well as Sesc writes, it feels spectacular because we are used to read much much worse.

    When I read the story I don't think:
    "What a fucking awesome story, the writing is really top notch. It's a bit of a shame that the protagonists disgust me, the character interrogation piss me of and I feel like the world makes no sense! But eh, it looks nice so I dig that".
    But more "the story's protagonists make me want to tear my hairs out of frustration, their interaction which is suppose to be a dangerous but sophisticated dance between two intelligent, subtle, mature, powerful and intriguing characters only feels artificial, complicated to the point of inconsistency and illogical. At least it's well written."

    But as I said in the WbA, I can see the end being its saving grace. So for now I rate it 2/5 but at least I feel like the story cans only get better.
     
  12. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Personally, I'd say that there can't be enough praise for this. I think I've said enough times in the Wba thread how much I love this, so I won't go into all that. But I will say that this is, by a huge margin, my favourite fic in progress at the moment. It deserves about 10/5, but I think I'll stick with just 5.
     
  13. OneSimpleIdea

    OneSimpleIdea Second Year

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    There's not much magic involved, but I'm a sucker for noir fiction. Great characterization of Daphne as has been said before.

    5/5

    EDIT: Quick question Sesc - the story isn't over as of Chapter 10 is it? I might have mis-interpreted your FFN profile but it says "Unatoned, Finished, 96,000 Words" - that doesn't mean the story is over right?
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2012
  14. Zeelthor

    Zeelthor Scissor Me Timbers

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    I don't like the directions the story is heading and you almost entirely lack likeable characters. That said, the writing is bloody excellent.
     
  15. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Sometimes Harry seems rather weak and submissive, but I love your noir type writing so much 5/5.
     
  16. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    For those who wanted to read it one sitting, all but the final chapter is now up in the WBA. The last chapter will be posted this week, so now is the time to start reading :)

    I'd love feedback that looks at the story as a whole, from reading it in one go.
     
  17. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Right, time to start reading. :D I've been looking forward to this a while, and I shall enjoy it.
     
  18. Sn0rkack

    Sn0rkack Professor

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    So good. Probably the best Harry and Daphne story ever made - sorry Silentclock! I get...like this imagery in my head when I read it. Like in chapter 19, everything is in black and white and gray, yet when Daphne pops up and she's in her red dress and makeup, she's like completely in color, ya know?

    This story just has this old school crime feel that is awesome. Only other story I ever got it from was Case 129. When I think about it what comes to mind is Sin City.

    Well, can't wait for the ending, such an awesome story. 5/5 no doubt
     
  19. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Last chapter is up. There's a short epilogue left, and then that's it. Feel free to comment here or there -- write lots of TL;DR's about anything you can think of! There's 100k words to pick apart! And if you can't think of anything, write that too! :p
     
  20. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    I re-read the entire 100k words of your 'Noir' murder mystery again. 4/5 definitely. This is probably the best Harry/Daphne story I've had the pleasure of reading.

    The only problem I have with your Harry is that he is too weak and submissive.

    Any plans to remap the characterization of Harry? Of course the canon! Harry was the same pussy. He even names his son after the person who tormented him throughout his school days and the person who set him up to die. Harry seriously needs to grow a pair.

    So yeah, except Harry being submissive and always trying to settle for mediocrity, I loved the story.