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Complete Unatoned by SeriousScribble - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Sesc, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. Wizard Giller

    Wizard Giller Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    207
    Location:
    california
    I have no qualms, I simply liked the story. 4.5/5
     
  2. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,156
    Location:
    DLP
    Even I liked the story mate! I just pointed out the fact that even in fanfiction, Harry remains the same pathetic submissive pussy.
     
  3. Blazzano

    Blazzano Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2009
    Messages:
    770
    Out of curiosity, what did the Harry in Sesc's story need to do to not be a pussy, in your view?

    I'm not even trying to be snarky; I'm just wondering, because this Harry isn't one that comes to mind when I think of pussified characters.
     
  4. The Fine Balance

    The Fine Balance Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,065
    Part of that reason would be chapter 4, I think, where he's unable to resist the compulsion to drink even after he's realized that there is a compulsion. Were he somehow distracted and compelled, that would be one thing, but to unable to resist a compulsion, even if it's really dark and powerful, seems a bit odd for Harry. (Unless the compulsion has a physical aspect that I don't know about yet - still on chapter 5)

    With that, the whole of chapter 4 after he confronts Astoria seems pretty scripted. Going home after what essentially amounts to battery with intent to kill - are you serious? Moreover, "I couldn't just dump a child into a cell." - yeah, you kind of can. She's not exactly 10, you know.

    Anyway, it's a really interesting story (so far), but there are problems with it, things which are out of whack, or haven't been fleshed out to their logical extent due to plot. Nevertheless, the story is compelling enough to make me overlook that in hopes that it's explained later, or something.

    Edit: Moreover, his reaction is pretty damn mild, in chapter 5. I like my noir detective with a lot more self-disgust. Conforms to the whole hope in the filth sort of theme a lot of noir explores.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2012