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Abandoned Undead Secrets by BitterIcing - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by CaptainG, Jun 17, 2007.

  1. CaptainG

    CaptainG Third Year

    Sep 30, 2006
    Cambridge, UK
    Title: Undead Secrets
    Author: Bitter Icing
    Rating: T (although some sections may tend toward a higher rating)
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Chapters: 17
    Words: 115,540
    Updated: Apr 29, 2010
    Published: Nov 24, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Pairing: Non especfied, though the author has stated no HP/HG, seems to be tending towards HP/OC
    Summary: Alternate Universe. Neville is the Boy Who Lived and Harry is a quiet boy of 17 years, nothing special right? Just a shy, unpopluar kid right? Wrong. Harry's got a secret, a secret that sticks him right in the middle of a war.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3258545/1/

    I really liked this sotry, a good writing style and good characterisation of the major characters.
    It's got some slight crossovers in - The OC I mentioned is 'the slayer,' but not Buffy, and noone else from the Buffy universe has turned up. The situation Harry is in is reminiscent of the Blade films as well.
    Not really many niggles with this story, if anything it seems to be moving a bit quickly and at this point there needs to be a bit more explanation of the backstory for it to be more smooth. Hopefully this will be forthcoming in future chapters.


    Checked by Minion, June 28, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2015
  2. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

    Feb 4, 2006
    Glassboro, NJ
    Honestly, I cant give this a decent rating. It involves a cliche thing of a half vampire!Harry, with all its strengths and none of its weaknesses.

    Harry is a pussy in social situations and we have no evidence at how well he performs in a fight yet. He's annoyingly emo since he's depressed half of the time. Then he's got the emo piercings of the lip(or had) and the eyebrow. He sneaks off grounds for a fucking beer.

    In otherwords.. this fic fails.

  3. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Nov 14, 2005
    I liked Harry's character at the start of this story, but all that angst about no one noticing him and shit like that was just too emo for my taste. Oh and the plot was seemingly going nowhere; bunch of flashbacks and interaction with the trio, but not much more than that.
  4. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Aug 24, 2006
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    I thought is was okay when I read is this morning, then I went to sleep.

    On waking it's shit.

  5. odonata617

    odonata617 Guest

    i think the comment about fighting was made prematurely. this is actually pretty decent. harry's fot more to worry about than bimbos or dark lords; instead, he's got a slew of vamps out for his blood due to an incomplete turning. what's worse is that one of the vamps is an old relation. ron and hermione appear to be doing the horizontal how-do-you-does but that's an insignificant part of the story. neville, despite being the boy-who-lived seems very much the non-character albeit far more assertive than in canon. what is interesting, though, is harry. taciturn, overly experienced with how crummy the world can be, and a deft hand in a fight, he's the harry we would have gotten without the trio. in fact, he's better than that but hides his skills well. this has real possibilities. unfortunately, we are on the cusp of those possibilities and it's been more than a month since the last installment. too bad, i say.
  6. malaga

    malaga Auror

    Feb 14, 2007
    New Zealand
    When someone says that, it generally shows me that they do want pity. Add that to Harry having heightened senses but no vampire weaknesses and having the three signs of 'pre-teen cool' (smoking, drinking and muggle clothes) means this story fails. Miserably.

    And can't the author at least do their research? Lycans can't handle silver, vampires traditionally are stakes, holy signs/water, and garlic. Therefore, cutting a vamp with silver shouldn't do too much.

    One thing annoyed me more than anything though. Harry apparates out of the school, away from Dumbledore, and for what? A drink. Didn't he think that one of the most powerful wizards in England might notice he had left the school? I have to go now, otherwise I'll just keep getting annoyed.
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2007
  7. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Dec 1, 2005
    This idea has (or had) potential. I'm all for Harry spending his summers on the run, hunting vampires, earning their fear and what not. And some parts of this fic work real well. But others just look destined to fail. Like how Harry's just now making friends and beginning to act like a truly ignorant childish teenager. I mean if he's been on the run all his life, and never asked any of his teachers for help and crap like that, then don't turn him into such a fucking whiner. Shit like this from chapter 8:

    It's like the author can't make up their mind on the characters. Come to think of it, this was my same complaint with Amsuhl's Stchorlei which had uber!asssassin Harry turning into whiny annoying teenager. Part of me thinks it might be the fact that the authors are whiny annoying teenagers and from there point of view this is perfectly normal behavior for an assassin or vampire hunter Blade I mean Harry.

    But on the other side, this fic has enough redeeming parts that I am reading and I'm definitely looking forward to the next update. I'm not sure why the inclusion of the slayer, but I'm looking forward to the part this slayer will play. Maybe someone worth a toss who will treat Harry like the actual bad-ass he supposedly is. Rather than the abused little boy they need to shelter and shower with love. I mean if their enemies are taking Harry so damn seriously, why can't the others?

    The mysterious "three" with the crow-dude and especially a Potter has far more potential than most made-up villains. So I'm frustrated because I like it and it has potential, but parts of it just disappoint. 3/5 for me.
  8. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Jul 5, 2006
    I give this story a three. Its "average", and I got bored with it in the 1st or second chapter. And the author is making Harry a pussy, basically. Ugh, no thanks. I hate that.

  9. Johnny Farrar

    Johnny Farrar High Inquisitor

    Mar 14, 2009
    In front of a Computer.
    Story got updated after a near two years wait. However, the latest chapters were definitely not worth waiting two years for. If anything I felt the quality of the story had gone downwards.

    My rating for the fic 2/5.