1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Unforgiven by Grinning Lizard - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Skeletaure, Jun 19, 2007.

  1. Rayndeon

    Rayndeon Professor

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Messages:
    497
    Updated again. Some very interesting developments plot-wise...
     
  2. Garrus

    Garrus Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    392
    Location:
    Beijing
    It's been a while since I had read this but I really liked this story when he lived on the streets, but when he moved to Hogwarts I felt this story really lost the piece that appealed to me. I liked the grittiness of the scenes on the street and when he arrived at Hogwarts it inevitably lost some of its charm. As for his smoking habit, I don't think it was such a bad thing. Lets face it, the stereotype for better or worse is that people on the streets or poor people are more likely to smoke. So it isn't such a strange thing for him to do.
     
  3. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,438
    Location:
    Florida
    I'm rereading this currently as I remember it being pretty good the first time I read it over a year ago.

    However, in the fist few chapters I'm greeted with wandlessly conjuring food (this one I can overlook), martial arts, asian master, and finally, the katana.

    lol. The writings pretty good, and despite the cliches it's an ok story, but I definitely remember it being better than it really was.
     
  4. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    Very effective surreal realism... The best moment was the first scene at the beginning of chapter 2.

    Past the first few chapters though I could never force myself onward. Not dense reading, but boredom does mount while reading this.
     
  5. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Messages:
    1,192
    Location:
    On Melancholy Hill
    Fuck me this story is annoying.

    It's great prior to Harry getting to Hogwarts, and from that point onward it all falls to shit.

    WAY too many OC's, Mike? Taye? Chow? Ali? Rebecca? Some fucking Sensei douche?

    Who gives a shit really?

    Oh and before I forget...

    Katana.
     
  6. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,438
    Location:
    Florida
    Yeah, it was much better a few years ago when mostly everyone's standards were much lower.

    The author tries way too hard to make Harry 'cool', when in reality, if I saw some 11 year old kid walking down the street in a trenchcoat complete with katana and smoking a cigarette, I would laugh my fucking ass off at the ridiculousness of it. Oh, and don't forget the earring and dragon tattoo. lol.

    As if that isn't bad enough, most of the adults in the story take Harry seriously and let him get away with way too much.

    When I think about it, it seems like it came straight from the mind of a 13 year old kid. The only thing that saves it from being a complete train wreck is the slightly above average writing, the atmosphere, and some original magic.
     
  7. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,318
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham, England
    I have to second the last few posts.

    This was good at first, somehow, either because the writing quality has degraded since then or because my standards have gotten higher. Probably it's a combination of both.

    Now it just reads like a Jackie Chan movie script. All the plot is completely unbelievable, and I wish the writer would just drop the swearing every three words. Yea, we get it they're very baddass, but if you use it all the time, it loses it's shock value and just becomes annoying and trite. Like a Limp Bizkit album.
     
  8. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,379
    Location:
    The South
    I didn't come by this story until about 2 months ago, so I wasn't in on it early. I don't know if my standards are too high to see where most of the praise comes from or not, but when reading through it I did feel that the quality of the story degraded over time.

    There are too many OCs that have major roles, and the "punk" aspect or whatever you'd like to call it seems overdone in some places.

    3/5
     
  9. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    547
    Location:
    socal
    Let's see. Almost butt-raped Harry takes to the streets. He is given a Japanese name and a katana by a man who insists on being referred to as "sensei" and learns Eastern mysticism. Insta-fail.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2009
  10. Ame River

    Ame River First Year

    Joined:
    May 17, 2009
    Messages:
    29
    Location:
    SF Bay Area, California
    I liked this story pretty well when I first read it, but after the last couple chapters I'm starting to think maybe it's mostly becuase I could skim a lot. Too much fucking weird shit without any real basis in the actual HP world. I don't deny there were some pretty cool scenes and moments, but overall... meh. Too much work to slog through in the recent chapters.

    Plus, I realize the story was started beford DH, but the food conjuring bugs the shit out of me.

    Also, this:

    3/5 from me.
     
  11. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    547
    Location:
    socal
    I'm surprised nobody's mentioned "Shujin."
     
  12. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2008
    Messages:
    992
    Location:
    Hawaii
    Updated, and now officially abandoned.

    I have to say I like the final posted chapter, even if it leaves on a cliffhanger that will never be resolved.

    It looks like the author certainly had some interesting ideas as to where the story was going to go, which would have made for fascinating reading, but alas, it shall never be.
     
  13. Veri

    Veri Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2007
    Messages:
    350
    Location:
    The only state that doesn't suck.
    I'm going to miss this story. 5/5, even if it is abandoned.
     
  14. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    365
    Location:
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    It's a sad news that he decided to abandon it, but it happens and for all it's worth at least he did post another chapter.

    Looking forward to his new project...
     
Loading...