Im going to have to disagree with you Taure. Daphne is by far not the best character. She seems to be a Mary Sue thats possessing a canon character. Until I see some of her flaws, I really don't like her character at the moment.

Now that I think about it atleast. I think I said differently in my review for chapter one....

but, as I said in the review, I still love the story, and am waiting for more.

EDIT: whoopsy

 

I'm guessing you meant that she isn't the best character.

Well, we don't really know much about her abilities yet, so you can't really call her a Mary-Sue. Sure, she's interested in magical theory, but that doesn't make her a Mary-Sue. All we have to go on at the moment is her character and her looks, and they both kick arse.

 

well yes. But, it just confuses me. If she is this smart, pretty, and social, why isn't she known by more people? Why has she been in the background through the whole sixth stories.

I know that the canon characters barely talk to anyone. But, many in there year are mentioned, and its just wierd that with a personality like this Daphne, she hasn't been mentioned at all.

I'm not saying he should change her character, but as long as she seems more like a person than a fantasy later on, she will be a favorite of mine as well.

 

Aye, I suppose I totally forgot about that part of there conversation. Her reminding Harry of Malfoy totally left my mind 5 minutes after I ended the chapter.

I take that back, now that I think of it, the fact that she is vain, makes the story and her character.

Thanks for the reminder,

 

Damn Fanfic.net is down again. Just when I get the spare time to read summat too. Dagnammit!

EDIT: Odd. Its like half down. I can get onto some of the stories in my favorites list but the others just time out...

 

Right.. I shall review here as opposed to ff. There are several canon errors, usually in the spelling. For example, Felicia Felix is not right, and neither is Florish and Blotts. Also your grammar is all over the place. There are 's everywhere where there shouldn't be, and it really disrupts the flow. On the other hand, I do like the storyline, and I think it's developing well. Plus.. we don't have candy over here.

If this is beta'd, I'd get it done again.

3.5/5 for the chapter overall, but 4-4.5/5 for the storyline.

ps.

makes no sense.

 

OK, little grammar lesson, which I shall undoubtedly get wrong myself and therefore embarrass myself a rather large amount...

Plurals, Possessives and Contractions

Example word: Enemy

The enemies - many enemies (plural). Enemies is a bit of a bad example though, as it changes to "-ies". More common is the addition of an "s" without an apostrophe e.g. the word "fic" takes the form "fics" in the plural. And yes I know that "fic" isn't a real word, but it was the only example I could think of.

The enemy's wand - the wand that belongs to the enemy (possessive).

The enemy's going to die - The enemy is going to die (contraction, not used in formal writing, only really in speech).

Example word two: Harry

No plural.

Harry's wand - the wand belonging to Harry (possessive).

Harry's going to die - Harry is going to die (contraction).

However, it is important to note that there are exceptions to this rule, most notably "its" and "it's".

Example word three: It

It's going to die - it is going to die (contraction only)

Its wand - the wand belonging to it (possessive)

Hope this helps.

 

Blah, it's time to move this out of ForReview...it's a good fic :/

 

I really enjoyed the last chapter. It was anice little read with Hedwig as she's normally just portrayed as Harry's little 'obediant' loving owl. Good to see her with some personality.

In conjuction with the first chapter it seemed to flow a lot better, as the first one felt a little rushed but still the beginning of what can become a great read.

I like your use of what are normally background characters. Padma, Blaise, Daphne, etc. It's the use of those characters that really makes me pay more attention to a story as they are more fun to read about then Ron/Hermy/The Readhead Trailer Trash Tart. ^_^

Look forward to more. 4.5/5