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WIP Victoria Potter by Taure - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by LinguaManiac, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. aAlouda

    aAlouda High Inquisitor

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    Victoria already mentioned in the first chapter that she struggles with anything but superficial changes to her appearance. If she can't make herself taller I dont see her being able to make changes to her athletism or health.
     
  2. ROTH963

    ROTH963 First Year

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    Forgot about it (to be fair it was pretty early in the story), maybe when she grows older, she seem to improve with time and Tonks can outright put animal parts on herself.

    Maybe it has something to do with your magic aging, there was something about it taking adult qualities at thirteen, so maybe she will be capable of making more extensive changes next year (maybe she will finally show up Smith, we can only hope).
     
  3. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    I forgot she was a metamorphmagus.
     
  4. EkulTeabag

    EkulTeabag Seventh Year

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    I thought she can change her height and weight and so forth. She turned into a copy of McGonagall at one point and said the only thing wrong with the disguise was the accent.
     
  5. aAlouda

    aAlouda High Inquisitor

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    No, she quite clearly described herself unable to make herself taller in the first chapter and even noted that she was quite a bit shorter than Mcgonagall when she turned into her.
     
  6. ROTH963

    ROTH963 First Year

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    Not, the height and clothes were wrong too and she mentioned it, the students were just too scared to notice her shortness and having student robes.
     
  7. EkulTeabag

    EkulTeabag Seventh Year

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    Ah, my mistake then. Only read the story once in a single sitting, so some details are pretty hazy and blend together.
     
  8. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 38
    Words: 171,453
    Updated: 2022-04-17 20:57:06 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: about 1 year ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  9. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Change log, in overview. In spoiler tags because some people may want to discover the changes for themselves.

    As of 17 April 2022, years one and two of Victoria Potter have been rewritten. It is not a full rewrite, and many parts of the story remain unchanged. However, there are enough changes that it is worth recording what they are.

    Structure

    The most immediately obvious change is the chapter structure. In the original version, there were 28 chapters, including interludes, totalling 211,979 words (by FF.Net’s count). Some of these chapters were under 3,000 words, others were over 14,000 words. In short, the chapter length was very uneven. It was also uneven in an unprincipled way - the breaks between chapters were determined more by the update schedule and my desire to provide substantive updates than any story-reasons.

    In the new version, there are 50 chapters, totalling 227,614 words (again, by FF.Net’s count). While I have written some entirely new material for the rewrite, it is not nearly so much as this chapter count would suggest. The vast majority of the new chapters simply represent a redistribution of material to produce a more evenly paced chapter structure, with most chapters following the principle of “one plot point, one chapter”.

    On AO3, I shall also be dividing years one and two into separate stories. On FF.Net, they shall remain as a single story, as FF.Net does not have a functionality which allows you to link separate stories into a series.

    New Opening

    The rewrite features a new set of opening chapters. These serve a few purposes. Firstly, they act as more of an opening hook, rather than the story starting with a cold open. This is aimed at addressing some of the “chapter one reader drop-off” that are shown by the story’s FF.Net stats.

    Secondly, they act as an immediate signal to the reader that the story is an AU. This is not a story where the only change is Harry’s gender. Rather, there are broad changes to the plot and setting which do not arise out of that gender swap. Changing the Dursleys’ background is an unmistakable sign of that.

    Thirdly, the new pre-Hogwarts chapters serve to ground Victoria’s characterisation and character arc for the remainder of the story.

    Fourthly, the new chapters fix what I consider a flaw in the Dursleys’ canonical characterisation, which is that JKR used them to send up stereotypes of both the working and upper classes. The result was that the Dursleys were something of a class chameleon. In this version of the story, I have chosen to depict them as more consistently upper class.

    In the first version of the rewrite, I actually started writing Vernon as a Muggle politician rather than a businessman (which has its origins in this being JKR’s original concept for the character), but ultimately I ditched that as it felt unnecessarily AU.

    First Year Climax

    The ending of first year has been adjusted to be less melodramatic. It’s still somewhat dramatic – they are first years – but I have toned it down to a more reasonable level. The main consequence of this, for the story going forward, is that Victoria and Pansy have more of a “friends and enemies” relationship rather than being purely enemies.

    Lockhart’s Play

    I was never happy with Lockhart’s play in the first version of second year. It was too long and too boring. I’ve cut it down considerably. It’s still too long and too boring, but it’s important to the plot so I don’t want to cut it down further.

    Malfoy Manor

    Another big change is to Victoria’s visit to Malfoy Manor over the Christmas of second year. This section is one of the main areas of addition to the story, where I have allowed this sequence more room to breathe, in particular Narcissa taking Victoria under her wing.

    I have also removed deep magic from the wider worldbuilding, which has an impact on this sequence and all of the subsequent story. Victoria still has an encounter with a Death Eater at Malfoy Manor, but it occurs rather differently, without the involvement of deep magic, and the way it affects her view of the Malfoys is also rather different.

    Removal of Deep Magic

    Ultimately, I decided that deep magic was a piece of magic too far. Victoria has all her usual Hogwarts magic to be keeping up with, plus alchemy, plus the occasional project like the foe glass. Adding deep magic to that was just burdening the story with too many subplots. I was also increasingly unhappy with the uncanonical tone of deep magic.

    The main impact of this removal is on Victoria’s conversations with the diary, which in the first version were mostly about deep magic. These conversations have been replaced with other items of worldbuilding/magic, and I think the new version is more interesting.

    For those who are interested, the idea behind deep magic was intended as a send up of the traditional fanon “old ways”. The idea being that I would present to the reader these “old ways”, and Victoria would be presented with this magic in the same way, but it would then be revealed that in fact there is nothing old about deep magic – it is Lord Voldemort’s invention.

    Assorted Small Changes

    In addition to the above major changes, there are also numerous small changes to the worldbuilding:

    • The Wizengamot is now self-selecting, rather than elected.

    • The history and reasoning behind the pure-blood ideology has been changed.

    • Parchment comes in booklets rather than scrolls and is functionally equivalent to paper.

    • Fairy lamps have been removed and replaced with more canonical lighting options.

    • Aurors are private contractors and do not work exclusively for the Ministry of Magic.

    • Wizarding lawyers are vampires in the same way wizarding bankers are goblins.

    • Hogwarts has been made a fee-paying school.
     
  10. yargle

    yargle Professor

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    I'm only a little bit into the re-write, but calling the Dursley's home Hidebound House was a particularly brilliant move you son of a bitch.
     
  11. PWIZDUO

    PWIZDUO Fourth Year

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    Im really glad I came here, because I got the notice of a new chapter, went to the latest in ffn, swore I had seen it before. I’m not going to to click on the spoiler tag here because it sounds like there’s been a rewrite and if any story deserves a reread for a rewrite it’s VP.
     
  12. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I am up to chapter 20, so the change between first and second year.

    * the new starting chapters are good. A bit more world building and newness. I find the Dursley’s change in character to Victoria intersting. Is Vernon aware that his business is booming due to magic? Is that why they are nicer, or is that just the AU?

    * I can’t say I feel much difference in the Pansy relationship so far. The conflict resolution was milder, but when I read your notes, I expected them to not curse her in the common room.

    * the chapter length, honestly doesn’t make a difference on a reread but likely would in first times.

    Overall a good rewrite, a nice flow for the first year, the world building is still fantastic and the biggest draw for me (including the magic).

    Will read year two now and then eagerly await the start of year three.
     
  13. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Groundskeeper

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    Just finished year two. Overall it's good, I enjoyed the replacement for old magic though I will still miss the concepts it introduced.

    One thing that nagged me is Lockheart's victims, For someone who seemed to be a meticulous planner his choice of victims seemed to be more victims of opportunity. Maybe he had them planned for awhile but the petty reasons don't necessarily square quite right with the amount of planning Lockheart seems to have done. I'm also assuming the poisons/venom were supplied with instructions by Mr. Obscurous as there was no hints about Lockheart being competent with them?
     
  14. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Re the origin of the poison, the very close reader may notice that the berries which Lockhart picks during Victoria's detention in the Forbidden Forest are described as having the same scent as the poison which Victoria fell victim to and which Dumbledore proceeds to have her taste and describe.
     
  15. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Finished year two. I find the changes to Malfoy manor welcome, it certainly felt less... harsh? Where the original felt a bit to much maybe. The idea of a single person in a mask at the ball did seem odd. Like that seems like it would attract attention. Perhaps ease it a little by having a few more wear masks, as if it is a unusual but not unheard of aspect.

    The only change in the story I don’t like, or at least can’t see why you did it was the Aurors not being ministry. I can’t see why that would be the case, surely the ministry would want a cable of elite wizards in their direct command. It would be destabilising to have it any other way. Maybe if a guild of such wizards formed, the ministry would create their own equivalent. Story wise as well it seems to add nothing, so far at least. The bit of the story where Madam Bones comes to the rescue to the ministry and Aurors as well needs tweaking if you intend to keep this function. It’s to like the original, there needs some hint of this external relationship.

    I don’t know if it was in this rewrite or a previous one, but the Flitwick greens house detention scene is leaps and bounds better than the original. The original was way out of character, this is spot on.

    I am also liking Zach Smith as a antagonist, it’s an interesting take which works well against Victoria, better than Hermione. I like Hermione and the comparison to book smart/scholarly, to Victoria’s intuition and deep discovery, but Zach is another great foil.
     
  16. DooomCookie

    DooomCookie First Year

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    Finished rereading.

    Stuff I like:
    • I like the expanded opening a lot. First chapter and a half start slow, but the whole thing builds up momentum and all of first year has this great flow.
    • Year 2 feels pleasantly busy with all the plot threads intertwined together. Author does a good job of balancing them. It's one of the things that make this story feel like the originals.
    • There's a lot more Britspeak ('comp', 'Estuary English') and more specific cultural references. I follow most of them, so to me it comes across as flavourful and charming, but others might not like it. It's a very interesting divergence from the approach the originals took and gives the story its own character
    • I quite liked deep magic as a world-building element, but I'm not all that sad to see it gone, especially if it was going to be revealed to be a sham. The story worked with it, the story worked without it. Things do feel a bit tighter and tidier now, especially Vicky spying on Lucius and Squat in the forest which fits the plots much better.
    • Malfoy Manor doesn't feel substantially different in tone, but I think it's improved overall. The first version was a little dry and disconnected from the main plot. By far the best change was adding a tour of the house to replace that block of exposition.
    Stuff I don't like
    • I really dislike the "auror guild" change, for several reasons.
      1. It is an explicit rejection of canon (as opposed to what one might call an edit). Aurors being part of the ministry is not incidental, but fundamental. It's the difference between moving Moaning Myrtle to a broom closet, and making Moaning Myrtle alive.
      2. It is an unnecessary change to canon. Ministry aurors can play the same role in the story as they do presently.
      3. The aurors as an elite force simply don't make sense, because there are not nearly enough wizards in Britain to warrant an elite force. A society of 20K wizards and witches (and a post-scarcity society at that) might warrant 50-100 wizarding 'police', and maybe 2-5 of those would be magical detectives or secret agents. So any 'guild' of more than 10 aurors will find itself going out of business — unless you assume the Ministry is outsourcing most of its law enforcement work, at which point you're back to magical police.
      4. Changing 4 Privet Drive to Hidebound House is already sufficient to establish the story as AU.
    • Petunia's portrayal feels good, she behaves exactly like a "born in Cokeworth, married into money" housewife would. But Vernon's portrayal is off, he still reads very 'self-made' to me. I think the Dursleys' desperation and insecurity were what made them feel so lower class in the books, and that has largely been kept. (And the way he "writes off" Victoria's "debt" is simply crass.)
    • As a mathematician, I was positively wounded by the repeated jabs at maths. Why do good authors always hate maths smh.
     
  17. Shodan

    Shodan Second Year

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    Cool rewrite! I didn't read everything yet, but with the changes, I think I figured out the identity of the Death Eater at Malfoy Manor (no idea if anyone figured this out before).
    Evan Rosier, who you describe as one of the most powerful duelists among the Aurors. Mentioning that he's still on the run and Squat saying that only Swann is a match for him are two quite obvious hints.
     
  18. Aureus

    Aureus Squib

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    I'm pretty sure the Death Eater is Barty Crouch Jr. The obvious hints for me was that he thought of Malfoy as a "traitor", the way he spoke about the Dark Lord, and the fact that he called himself "Squat", which is obviously a synonym for Crouch. How exactly Malfoy came in contact with Crouch, I don't know.

    Overall, I really liked this rewrite. The way the chapters were structured definitely made it feel easier to read. One thing that bothered me a bit was Victoria and Dumbledore's discussion about bloodlines. I felt like it was too much exposition in one scene, and given the length of the discussion, it was relatively irrelevant to the overall plot. I don't know if this was in the original VP, though - it's been a while since I read it - so this might just be a criticism of the original.
     
  19. moribund_helix

    moribund_helix Third Year

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    Looking at the re-write there are some scenes, like McGonagall and Victoria on the bus, where dialogue has been improved. I also don't remember if the part about Sirius Black having a trophy for special services to the school was in the first version. Has me wondering if you've somehow tweaked with the Snape-werewolf incident or it's something else entirely. Or only serves to show Victoria's ignorance.

    What I don't like are the changes with Victoria's characterization especially seen with the Pansy argument resolution. But also the ride in Gringotts? Fear of broom riding etc can be relatable as fear of heights/falling off. If you're secured in a cart you could definitely be having fun. I don't think it adds to Victoria's timidness to change this ride from thrilling to scary for her, and honestly I think it read better before (along with McGonagall's disproving glance or whatever it was).

    Now the Pansy resolution I think is the biggest flaw in the rewrite. I understand that you want a milder conflict between them but this version is significantly worse than the first. I especially dislike the way Victoria questions even whether Pansy realises that she's been given the cold shoulder. My perspective is that Pansy realises what she has done isn't nice (I don't think she's 100% ok with being that bitchy, even if mostly ok with it). I think this feeling could very well be exacerbated by the negative feelings of the resulting failure (ie what did I gain from betraying Victoria like this?). So I can really see Pansy giving some space to Victoria/avoiding her - and Victoria isn't unobservant, she should be aware of it. But I also see that Pansy's own egoism (she's not one to be snubbed) would lead to her rationalising her actions away. Betray or be betrayed, a competition with no rules. And in the end she's out of the competition and Victoria still has a shot, so why does it matter anyway?

    I think this was evident in the first version, in the rewrite it not at all. Pansy doesn't really feel as clearly real as she felt before.

    I'd like to hear what others think on this.
     
  20. Red Wizard

    Red Wizard DA Member DLP Supporter

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    I love this story so much. God I wish there was more of it.
     
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